


Outsider

by StarryNighty



Series: Outsider [1]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Captain America Civil War, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Civil War (Marvel), Dark fiction, Disturbing Themes, Dominance, Drama & Romance, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Graphic Description, Graphic Description Rape, Original Female Character of Color, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Smut, Tenderness, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence, arousal from pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 00:49:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 57,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19757185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryNighty/pseuds/StarryNighty
Summary: "Outsiders exist. You know they do, if you aren't already one of them. The one who doesn't fit in, the misfit, the sometimes rule breaker, and burden spirit. "*Intense depiction of non-con/rape - Do not read this if the subject matter is not your cup of tea. Please! 18+ Only!Not all chapters are as heavy. However, there is an underlining current of angst, mentions of trauma, and smut. -Also: I do not condone any behavior that is depicted in this story. No I do not believe canon Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes to behave this way. It's just how I wrote this dark! story which kinda depends on non-canon qualities.Check out some amazing art by Cheeky9274! https://call-me-kayyyyy.tumblr.com/post/190160830927/inspired-by-sapphirescrolls-original-female





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of a long story I started a few months ago. The theme is dark!, and I hope it is a subject that I can explore in later chapters. Granted, it's not all like this. But this is the start. It's not beta'd so please excuse any errors. Also it's mostly for fun, learning so we'll see where it goes lol. Comment below and tell me what you think. :D

  
  
  
  
June 23rd 2016

Awenha slumped in her chair while gazing at a hologram of an intricate web of brain activity. She swiped at a wild curl tickling the side of her face and she focused on the task. Brains and veins seem more accessible than actually accessing her emotions these days. She had been too complacent lately. She often heard the voice of her mother hum through her head to take risk, to break out of the ordinary, to find her place in the world. However, nothing pleased her more lately than the monotony of working in routine.

Awenha’s dark brown eyes narrowed she watched the program actuate then suddenly error. She continued to reboot the nano-modulator to catch the crappy trip scan that occurred when it booted up. The Joint Counter Terrorist Centre did not hire her to half-ass the stuff they dumped on her. Awenha had finally found her footing among the agency staff by proving her techniques and standards were just what the JCT needed to supplant divisive groups. But today she had spent a sixteen hour shift in a concrete building with recycled air eating days old left over tofu casserole that Carol brought once a month. However, she had to remind herself that top brass recruited her right out of the private sector and she had the same work for more money in Berlin.

Today, she needed the distraction. The side of her temple pounded as she rubbed at it. Anything really could pull her attention away her Project 458. And it would have been a sound reason to get off this floor.

“Hey, Dr. Broussard is coming into day with the Austrian terrorist.” Brock lazily strode in and tossed a file over on her metal desk. Awenha glanced over at the folder before typing up the final command before rebooting the device for hopefully the very last time.

The name Broussard kicked around in her memory. He had written a book about the criminal mind and the correlations of earlier childhood development. Something she had read in University with a typical dust cover with a morose bespectacled Dr Broussard on the back. But what he wrote was nothing much of a topic until she deviled deeper into his more controversial theories. Which she enjoyed more as they veered into the impossible, but she appreciated it.

“I wonder how long he will be here, I want to meet him.” She chimed in, then excitedly through a fist in the air.

“I got it! Finally, victory.” Awenha even jumped a bit as she walked toward Brock with the device. “Here, take this down to the team to deconstruct this thing. I want to know the origin of the code and where it is applied.”

  
Brock’s eyes didn’t blink as he stared at her. A subtle arch in is thin blonde eye brow gave away his blank expression.

“You can’t just walk down there. They’ve been hunting this man for ages.” Brock took the playing card sized ear shaped machine and shook his head at her. “It’s lock down time.”

  
“I’ll see how far I get.” She shrugged. “The worst that could happen is they turn me around. Then no loss.”

  
+

Her blue lab coat, and floppy badge gained her access passed every guard on her way to see that doctor of an obscure field of psychiatry. But she walked where her feet carried her though. She had never known a door too locked, a path too blocked that she couldn't get around. The area was busy with almost every agent in the building that was capable of firing a weapon. Awenha stirred with anticipation as she shifted her weight to the left nervously searching for the doctor.

  
“Sublevel 4, east wing! The blast paneling should hold him.” An armored man shouted from her left. Her eyes moved to the agents with guns and body armor escorting a large bullet proof containment cell and within it a man with jaw length hair with the saddest eyes she had seen in awhile. A tall statuesque man took long strides across the entry floor. Steve Rogers, Cap, steely eyed determination and absolute trust in his decisions held the gaze of the man he approached. He was certainly bigger in real time, she thought, as her eyes followed him across the facility.

  
And then her gaze settled upon a man, lean with glasses and a badge. He was walking in her direction and she eagerly stepped up to him.  
  
“Dr. Broussard?” she asked hastily.

The man didn’t stop at first, he offered a glance. His eyes shifted in the direction of the containment cell before he stopped and began to address her.

“Yes?” he asked.

Awenha’s eyes quickly glanced over his features, pale skin, two days worth of beard growth, thin faced, and his eyes darkened the longer she held his attention. This was not Dr. Broussard. She knew what he looked like on the dust cover. And the who now stood in front of her was not the dumpy doctor. Something was wrong here. Her mind raced at the implication of what she was discovering.

“You—You’re taller than I had expected. Sorry.” she stammered.

His expression changed quickly from curious to dangerous has he became uncomfortably close to her face.

“Dr. Tiakan is it? Counter terrorist biological division, floor 12; section 3?” He said in a thick accent she couldn’t place. She saw his hand reach up and hold her badge. “So, it would be easy to find you. In this building or outside of it.”

Everything about this man was presented in an air of threats and promises to harm. Awenha took a step back from him. Surprise and shock interrupted clearer thinking. And without another word spoken between them she turned to return to the safety of her lab.

+

Awenha attempted a confident untroubled stride against the bundle of anxiety that formed in her mind. She held her chin up, focused her eyes on the on the path in front of her. Even so, she tried not to think about the man. Though it was never really in her personality to not act, her thoughts stilled at the consequences of not reporting. Doubt surfaced that perhaps she was wrong. Her instincts told her she was not. The man’s eyes and body language bore all the tale-tale signs of subterfuge, how could she be wrong? There could be only one course of action that was required. Awenha practically ran through her lab as soon as she entered the door toward her station. A quick search in the data base showed exactly the face of Dr. Broussard she had known. _But wouldn't command know this?_ She asked her self. And the man who was now with this solider, the man who had threatened her, was not the good doctor.

Awenha bit at her fingernail as she stood in front of the screen. Her mind raced as she thought about command and who she could confide in. Her independence had been basically dependent on knowing those who could keep her in the position she wanted. Those few people pulled strings not ropes. Awenha rarely left her lab other than to eat and the only person she saw in command more than once was agent Natasha Romannoff. Awenha knew about her well enough not to speak about her life in great detail; the woman had a legendary memory. And the Avenger had been to her lab at least four times in the last year, so perhaps she could be trusted.

Awenha walked to her phone, picked it up and pressed the button for command when the phone cut off. The room fell dark and flashing emergency lights kicked on.  
It was silent. And it was a significant soundless feeling of apprehension that began to roll over her. It felt tense in her small lab, contrast to normal lighting everything was bathed in the dim lighting of emergency backup power with flashing red alert from the hall. She had been in action alerts before, several, but this felt different. A pointedly amount of fear began to surge through her and igniting her adrenal glands to call her into a flight or fight response.

Gun fire echoed down the hall in section 4.

Awenha ran back across her small lab to the half open door and then out into the hall. A few people ran, others closed their labs quickly, and then she saw a man. Centered in the hall, submerged in minimum lighting with crimson alarms shadowed across his features, he was walking with purpose in her direction. He filled the corridor, tall and stocky with power in his legs that only carried him faster than Awenha could process. A few seconds passed before Awenha began to piece together what this was. She was either in the way or his target. And yet, the false Dr Broussard couldn’t possibly believe her to be any real threat to his plans.

But then the man began to run.

Awenha dashed back into the safety of the lab she pushed her body upon the heavy metal door forcing it to shut. Before she could respond to what happened, Awenha was thrown back by the force of the man kicking the door open. She crashed backward into the nearby workstation, sending equipment and paperwork off the other side and clattering to the floor.

Terrified, she lunged for a gray crowbar underneath the diagnostic table. Adrenalin and fear moved her to swing haphazardly even before she was completely aware of the location of the threat. Her instincts were rewarded when she hit flesh, then another swipe Awenha bashed the man across the chest.

Her heart skipped a beat when she couldn’t retract the bar. Brown eyes traveled the length of the metallic bar to a hand. Silver material shined under the glow of emergency lighting in the shape of a fist that was wrapped tightly around the crow bar. Her ragged breathing was the sound she heard the loudest in this moment. Fear kept her still as she stared at the man.

Shaggy dark brown hair fell around a square white face with a rough beard. His thick brows above light eyes laid flat in zero expression. _Oh god_ , she thought. Dull eyes were dilated to black in the low light. Dark pools swallowed her attention and focus and caused basic reflexes to grind to an agonizing halt.

His lips pulled back over white teeth as the man drew back his flesh right arm. The loud smack of his closed fist hit her left jaw, instantly smooth brown skin bruised. Stars and sparks blasted into her vision. The impact sent her into the wall behind the closed door, knocking the bar from her hand. He was on her before she could articulate the pain she was in. Her eyes rolled from the cement ceiling to the white door of her lab. Heavy eyes blinked back tears as her head lulled back in his direction.

The man gripped the collar of her blue lab coat he snapped her head back as he dragged her against him. Trembling hands pushed back on him. Thoughts of action came and went as adrenalin rushed through her veins. She kneed him in the groin but he did not react. Her dark brown eyes widened as he drew her closer to his face. More forcefully she pushed against his broad chest. Teary eyed and terrified she stared at him silently as she twisted her body in his grip. He held her tighter. He was hard like a wall, immovable.

The sound of his voice, short, clipped and feral rumbled in her ears. “It was easy to find you.” he said.

“I won’t say anything!” She pleaded and fought harder against his hold.

By only the collar of the coat the man shoved her to the floor so hard she heard the bones of her right wrist crack on impact. Hurt and scared her entire body shook. The beginning of tears poured into her eyes as she began to look around her immediate area.

Okoye’s smooth commanding voice filtered into her thoughts. _Fight, anything can be a weapon you just have to be present in your surroundings_.

Wild eyes landed on the compression spanner on the next workstation, it could be lethal in the right hands. It really could, she tried to convince herself. When triggered the blue plasma it radiated could burn hotter than a torch. Awenha bit past the pained wrist as she scrambled across the floor. Conquering the fear that threatened to stop her, Awenha started to sprint away from the man.

The sound of tearing and the splinting of her shin was heard first before she felt it. The pain swallowed her scream, her body jerked once again as a painful blow to her back and shoulders hammered the breath right out of her. Stunned and beaten into submission her body crumpled to the floor. Eyes wide in shock Awenha breathed, panic set in when she couldn’t feel if she was taking in air. Her hot swollen face pressed against the cool concrete floor she laid there and gasped for air. Crushing pressure across her back had her gripping the floor.

 _I don’t want to die_. I don't want to die, her mind churned.

The tangy smell of iron filled her nose as slowly her breath returned. But the vibration of footfalls shifted her eyes in the direction of the man. She could see the detail on his dark boots, the trail of dust collecting the in nooks of the laces and shiny black speckles covered the tops. With a rough shove of his boot into her right shoulder he pushed her over.

  
“Stop!” Awenha’s mangled voice whimpered painfully in her throat.

Blood exploded from her mouth. His cold calculating eyes roamed over her body. She wondered what he was thinking. Her mind tripped over what could possibly be going through someone like him. His polished metal hand tighten into a fist. The mechanical hiss of servos whirled in the silence of the room. The feeling of dread shifted her eyes to his face. Sweat dripped from his nose as it flared, his jaw flexed. A sob rattled through her chest at the sight of him. Awenha raised a shaky hand, palm open in a show of surrender.

She flinched when he quickly stepped over her, straddled her body as he towered above her. His were eyes vacant of any of emotion. Seemingly lifeless eyes traced along her mouth, neck, and chest. Awenha’s mind raced as she saw his focus flicker down further to her body.

What did he want? Her mind reached for explanation. Anything to quiet the violent flashbacks of events that proceeded this moment. He was unreadable throughout the attack but here, now she knew from his roving gaze that he desired. The beating in her chest rushed blood to her head; she sucked in air hard trying to clear her mind. She couldn’t stop staring at him, unbelievable terror ripped through her mind at what the future held. The promise of continued strife and suffering lasted in the air between them. And with growing alarm tears began to pool around her eyes that blurred and darkened the image of him into a fuzzy outline. Not knowing what would happen next instantly made her nauseated. Awenha clinched her eyes against the feeling of sick. She tried to imagine anything but what had occurred.

She fought through the seizing feeling of faint when he fell to his knees. Her focus became the dull gray ceiling. She thought of the first time she entered the lab. Battling against the feeling of his hands pulling and tugging at the top of her blouse she tried to remember but lost it. His body was incredibly hot as he laid on her. Awenha made little effort to fight when he forced his body weight on her hard, the weight of him rushed out any air she was holding in. With a rough unlovable knee he kicked her rigid thighs apart to accommodate his lower half.

In her last stand, she resisted by turning her head at the feeling of his humid breath on her lips. Soft, warm, panting cascaded over her face as she moved to stop the scent from invaded her nose. -sweat, metal, and hot skin. His dry lips hovered over her ear; she could hear him swallow his breaths came more erratic in his intentions for her body.

She squeezed her eyes tight at the sound of his grunt.

A painful tug across the sensitive skin of her folds shot her eyes open. She heard one last rip and jumped under his weight as he tore her underwear from her body. A tattered scream flooded from her mouth but was quickly silenced with a strong clamp of his metal hand along her jaws. He dug in the edges of his metal fingers into her skin. Agonized resistance moved her body even when her mind had accepted her fate. Legs kicked, and the action shot searing pain up her right leg as a gargled moan escaped past the squeezing in her jaw. Still she bucked her hips against the attacker to gain distance.

His metal hand gripped her face hard forcing her to focus entirely on him and it stilted her motions. In this hell-scape moment she recognized that his eyes were blue- crystal blue, glassy and emotionless. Then she felt him painfully enter her body. She openly wept, tears streamed down the corner of wide eyes that remained fixed on vacant blue eyes. His breath was warm on her lips and moist in her nose. Awenha’s head jerked but could not move as he squeezed her jaw harder. She felt the warmth of his flesh hand casually caressed away a curly bunch of hair that covered the side of her face. His eyes fixated on her, she felt his hand return as he cupped the side of her head with every push. His eyes drifted in expressions between knowing and lust as he took her. It was different, a hint that his actions had emotional consequence for him.

Her vision was being consumed with him. There was no escaping him, no rescue, and no hope in her. The bumping motions of his hair as it glided around his damp face tickled her cheeks. But she was grateful for the sensation because for the rest of her had gone numb. Awenha’s mind tried to grasp at a memory, far removed from the hell of now. Bits and pieces of it filtered into her reality as she struggled to hang on to it. But it was ripped away when she felt his lips press against her. A small removed action that seemed foreign to him and yet did not stop him. She did not respond to his seemingly tender kisses and was met with harder pushing, a greedy action articulated with each painful plunge.

She heard him grumble low, his eyes fluttered shut as his mouth held against her as his motions halted. He opened his eyes; they were different now as he gazed down at her. Awareness shifted under hooded eyes and as quickly as she had witnessed it was replaced with a void of emotion. He freed her jaw and the pressure of his metal arm on her chest released as he put his weight on it and to stand. Awenha stared at him as he stared back at her. For a moment they locked eyes as if neither could occupy the meaning they both experienced. There was neither remorse, nor any sign that the crime he had committed affected him in any way other than raised his heartbeat.

And still his blue eyes watched. He stepped over her, cautiously retreating back toward the door never turning his back. And then she saw his eyes soften for a moment when he paused. Suddenly he looked away, his back straightened, his eyes returned to the blank expression. Awenha did not move quickly instead she pulled her lab coat around her chest. It was incredibly silent a part from her ragged breathing. She recoiled at his abrupt movement away from her as the man threw open the door and disappeared.

+


	2. Broken and Bright

Her eyes flickered open to the throb of pressure in her right wrist. The heart beat in her wrist was nothing compared to the beating sharp ache in her right leg. She had blacked out just after he had left her there. Broken but aware in this hot damp room she found it comforting. At least it couldn't hurt her. And at least he was not here. She closed her eyes, and felt warm tears pooling at the corners. He wasn't here, she chanted.

The ringing in her ears began to settle down as she tried to move again. She had not traveled far; maybe a few feet from the spot he had last attacked her. Awenha laid where she had fallen in the haste to escape. Breathing came hard, she felt like a hundred pound weight pressed her into the floor. She felt so heavy and so incredible spent that even if she willed her body to move it might not happen. But she did it anyway.

Awenha counted down to one before she forced her weight onto her back. A tearful snot ridden whimper broke the silence.

The salty bitter taste of blood at the back of her throat started the gagging. She wretched and spit into a painful roll as thick fluid mixed with blood spilled from her mouth onto the concrete. Thankfully she was able to fall to her stronger side, though now, her leg lay in a precarious angle. Memories flooded her mind. Flashes ripped through her that forced a reminder of the smell of his breath, the feeling of his lips on her, and the sound of his pants. The way he looked at her when he- Awenha forced herself not to think about it. Not now, she warred with her mind.

 _It did not happen_. _Don’t speak of it to anyone_ , her spirit implored to her battle ragged mind, but she could still clearly make out the shape of his eyes.

“He came in.” Awenha’s voice halted in her throat. The tired shabby rasp scared her into silence. It was _her_ voice, she reminded herself.

“He came in. The man attacked me. That’s all.” Awenha whispered. “Nothing else. I wasn’t powerful enough to stop him.” Her voice frayed off into a sob.

No, her mind screamed. It was a twisted thought process. She reserved herself to relinquish any form of normalcy the minute he walked out. But there had to be consistency here. Awenha self corrected quickly thinking that if there was the slightest hint that alluded to another kind of situation, any agent worth their grit would know immediately. And it wasn’t for them to know. Shame flooded over sadness as she thought about the looks from other agents she would receive.

“It is secret.” She said weakly and wept into the warm recycled air of her lab.

Awenha finally appreciated the fact there were zero cameras in her lab. It had been the policy since day one. Too much information coupled with efficient techniques were too valuable to lose to terrorists. Awenha exhaled slowly. They would only ever see her run into the lab followed by the man then a few minutes later watch him walk out alone.

“I saw him in the corridor. He ran after me and attacked me.” Awenha grew more convinced that the sound of her voice was stronger now. 

Blackness surrounded every object in her vision. The raging pressure along the side of her head pulsed then once again her eyes struggled to stay open.

“I saw him in the corridor.” She resisted the tired feeling.

“H-he ran after me…”

She was passed out. And for several minutes her broken body trembled there, as the memory of violence replayed over in her mind. Ghostly whispers tumbled from dry cracked lips. Tears puddle to the floor as softly shut lids wept.

The door swung open and in stepped a woman with red shoulder length hair. Crystal clear green eyes of Agent Natasha Romanoff surveyed the room, her thoughts and observation quickly collected the clues of engagement. Her thick lips pursed together in disdain as she spotted the legs of a woman.

“I found a woman, uh-“ Her deep resonating voice carried through the walkie as focused eyes swept the room for more information. Sharp eyes fell upon a panel beside the door where a basic plastic plaque hung.

“Doctor Awenha Tiakan. Sublevel 5, east wing, room 004. Hurry.” she reported.

Romanoff approached the woman, careful not to move her too much. She gently pulled on her shoulder to lay her flat on the floor. “Jesus.” She hissed and placed her right hand under Awenha’s head to catch it. Romanoff had seen hamburger meat pressed better than this woman’s face.

“Barnes is out of control.” she whispered.

Always diligent in her profession, she searched the woman’s face looking for the path of destruction. The doctor’s face was hit first; the blood was almost dry on her tanned skin. Romanoff looked down the line of Awenha’s body and saw another bruise maybe it was more than likely blood pooling under the skin, a break. Still she looked beyond searching the contents of the room; the crowbar was not too far away. All of this for a tech, she thought. What had this woman seen? She sighed angrily and looked back at Awenha’s face who was now trying to open her eyes.

“Doctor Tiakan?” Agent Romanoff spoke softly.

Awenha eyes slowly focused on the face of a woman with red hair. She could hear her and grateful of her presence Awenha reached out. Romanoff took her hand calmly.

“I was in the corridor.” She croaked. Her throat was desperately dry as she tried to speak again.

“He-He ran after me and attacked.”

Awenha’s brittle voice weakened as she faded into unconsciousness. Romanoff gently dropped her hand across her abdomen just as a team of four emergency responders poured into the room. The agent removed her hand from behind the doctor’s head and stepped away. Romanoff observed their careful motions of moving the doctor to the bed as she pulled her radio from her hip.

“Multiple incursions on this level Tony, most have woken but there’s four dead.”

“We’ll add it to his list of crimes.” The voice of Tony Stark rang true over the receiver. “Anything else?” 

Romanoff walked out of the room into the corridor, her voice lowered as she spoke.

“There is a woman here, appears to be the lead of her team- she’s been hurt.” She released the talk button and clicked her tongue in thought as she stared at the floor. There was more here she assumed, there always is most of the time in her line of work. She pressed the walkie as her thoughts concluded.

“I have a feeling she might know more.”

“There isn’t time to find out. Secretary Ross wants a brief. Time to tap dance, so get back here I need backup.” he clipped off.

“Copy.” Romanoff hooked the walkie back to her hip and turned back toward the room. The team was trying to soothe Dr. Tiakan into letting them help.

“Please stop!! Don’t do this!!” She shrieked followed by a guttural groan.

Romanoff quickly approached the scene stepping toward the raised stretcher.

“Doctor Tiakan. These men are here to take you to the facility hospital.” she said softly.

Awenha’s judgment cleared when she saw the woman. Startled, haunted eyes stared up at Romanoff.

“It’s okay.” Romanoff spoke gently toward Awenha, soft hushed tones though pointed addressed the doctor.

“My name is Natasha, I found you here and I called them to help you. Please let them.” she said.

Awenha’s dark eyes stared angrily at the men on either side of the agent. The tightness in her chest increased the longer she sat up. She took a deep breath and remembered it was over now. The attack was in the past and these people were here for the after. Awenha relaxed and slowly she silently agreed to cooperate in their efforts in aide. With a wince she laid carefully back down on the bed.

Natasha stepped back, Awenha’s eyes locked with her and let the paramedics continue their work as they rolled her out of the lab. The agent’s eyes lingered on the group as they exited the room and then down to the floor to the workstation behind it. There was a bundle of fabric partially exposed. She walked to it and squatted down to get a clear image. With one movement of her finger it became apparent what the fabric was and who it belonged to.

“Son of a bitch.” She whispered.

* * *

They had turned the lights down for her comfort. It had seemed more out of her physical state than her mental state. The giant bruise across her right cheek had finally peeked in swelling by completely blocking her vision in that eye. They had piled two warm blankets on her body as the hospital level was often freezing. And they had thoughtfully raised the upper body and provided her a call pin attached directly to her wrist. And the room was sparsely decorated as in the fashion of an efficient military facility with a couple of windows and one chair in the corner of the room.

Awenha rested her focus in that area. The red haired woman sat there her eyes trained outside mostly lost in thought rather than what was there in front of her. Awenha’s mind raced as she tried to remember if she had said something off about what happened. Otherwise if she had been believed, why would a member of the Avengers be in her room at this moment?

Once again her need for secrecy began to be reevaluated. If she could tell anybody it would be Agent Romanoff, Natasha. After all she was a seasoned spy turned hero; she was trained for most scenarios and most likely had experienced these circumstances more than once.

One of her grandmother's favorite quotes pierced her thoughts. _War and strife spares no one when it crosses your path_. 

And lastly, Natasha, while educated in aggression was after all a woman. More than most she might have already suspected the collateral damage women experience in hostility.

“Agent Romanoff.” Awenha perceived she interrupted the agent’s thoughts as Natasha’s head swiftly turned to her.

“How long was I out?” Her voice sounded stronger now, more in control of her emotions. Awenha folded the crisp blankets back from the top of her body. She could feel something hard against her right leg that hugged it uncomfortably tight. The cast on her right wrist wasn’t the usual standard seen out in the world. Plaster was replaced with sleek white plastic. And once she finally heaved the blankets off her legs she could see that her right leg, from the knee down wore a boot in the same material.

“Few hours. You have a fractured radius up here,” The agent approached her slowly while pointing at her wrist. “And I’m pretty sure I heard the doctor say you have a few metal pieces holding your tibia shaft together under that cast on your leg.” She stopped short of a few feet on the left side of Awenha’s bed. She crossed her arms lazily while regarding Awenha.

She was cool-headed, and driven in her methods as she observed Awenha.

“Seems overkill for someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” The tone in the agent’s voice had Awenha looking back at her knowingly. Betrayed by her inability to focus her emotions elsewhere she glanced to the window instead of looking Agent Romanoff in the eyes.

“Hey.” Natasha’s voice softened and Awenha’s gaze returned. “You don’t have to talk about it with me. I am here to understand the reasoning behind it. What prompted this?”

The silence continued on Awenha’s part. But her mind landed on the thought that the man who attacked her seemed to realize _something_ after the act. Was it remorse?

“They call him the Winter Solider.” said Natasha.

Awenha rubbed the tear from her left eye. She slowly took in the information that perhaps the attack had nothing to do with the impostor and everything to do with the work she preformed.

“He’s an assassin. Excelling in completing his missions one hundred percent is his profession. But he came after you and left you to live.” she added.

He did let her live. Fear once again moved through her body and plagued her mind of what would happen if he returned.

“However there is another element to this story. I checked the feed when they brought him in. You were there.”

Awenha knew the answer certainly. And it would keep other questions at bay for the time being.

“I have heard of Doctor Broussard’s work. I wanted to meet him.” She said hesitantly. Natasha’s expression turned from intense thought to realization.

“I knew what his face looked like and when I saw the man that claimed to be him it didn’t match what I knew.” Awenha continued.

“There wasn’t too many words spoken but it was clear he knew what I was beginning to realize.” she added with a sigh.

Natasha nodded her head in agreement. Everything that had occurred was starting to fall in place in the agent’s thoughts. But to come to Tony with this without proof wouldn’t do anyone good.

“I will look into it doctor.” said Natasha.

“My name is Awenha. I never really took to the title.”

Natasha approached and with both of her hands placed them on Awenha’s left hand.

“When this is over, anything you need to talk about you can come to me. Okay?” Natasha appeared approachable to Awenha, with her soft voice and calm demeanor, perhaps, a spy and Avenger could be many things.

“We’ve only met in passing but I promise I am a great listener." she said with a smile. "You might be thinking that keeping it a secret will make it not real. But that’s no way to live Awenha.”

Fresh tears fell from her left eye it slid down her puffy smooth skin and into the crease of her mouth where more followed.

“No way to live.” Awenha said flatly. But her expression of grief let down the off handed tone of her voice. 

“I like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character.” Awenha felt Natasha’s hand slightly squeeze her finger. “There is more to you than what happens to you. And people can take so much from us that it can leave us hopeless. But I don’t see that in you.”

Natasha released her hands then leaned over to the small side tray to grab a few napkins. Grateful for her honesty Awenha took them and wiped her face. She was looking at the cast on her forearm and wrist. The brutality she had experienced in this place had her yearning for her mother. The place she called her true home lay there in the safety of that woman. She would have to dodge the baggage again of returning, but it was worth it, she told herself. She could take it after all, and always did.

Awenha shook her head slowly, batting the emotions away, as more tears fell from her eye. Natasha smiled knowingly and gave her hand another light squeeze. She watched the agent take her leave from the room.

She laid her head on the pillow exhaustion seeping as she shut her eye. The taste of iron in her mouth was subtle and the pressure across her back seemed to no longer have a heartbeat. Her body sank into the bed.

She sighed despairingly at the thought of getting out of this bed. Her bones and aching body felt at ease finally though her physical comfort stood in stark contrast to her emotions. The anger in her belly rose at the thought of reigning in any emotion other than strength. But that strength was for the other people around her. Not for her, never for her. She was an outlier after all. The odd girl out that was relegated to being stuck in a permanent state of transition. The girl who comes and goes, like the wind. Who never really belonged to anyone, or anyplace.

She was use to it.

Awenha allowed sleep to overtake the nagging thoughts. This night she fell asleep with visions of the most beautiful sunset she had ever seen as she danced alone in the wind. Wild hair bushy, and whirling flew into the breeze. Where none of her dreams were dashed away or scattered into the gusts that whipped around her. 

She didn't feel unusual. Her home was right where she stood.

She was free.


	3. Strange Weather

The odor of motor oil mixed with gasoline and hydraulic fluid coaxed him awake.

Heavy lids fluttered open under dirty strains of hair. His head hung at a neck breaking angle, it throbbed at the temple when jerked to lift it. Fragments of his memory flickered, dull images of violence floated in and out of focus. She was there, the face of a woman-scared and hunted, but there none the less. Black hair surrounded a brown angelic face, a mouth stretched in pain, and tears-so many tears.

His thoughts were interrupted by the distant beating of helicopter blades that reverberated around. The sound derailed any effort he was making at rebuilding the last few hours. He shifted his weight to the left to ease the ache in his ribs, he pulled at his arm but nothing gave.

Bucky turned his head toward a large machine where his metal arm laid trapped in a vice.

“Hey Cap!” The voice of a man called out.

Bucky heard the footfalls of two men coming toward him as he slowly shifted up his body. The tall dark figure of a man, Sam Wilson, approached first, but his eyes slid to the man he knew to be his friend.

“Steve.” He croaked.

America’s soldier took tentative steps toward him.

“Which Bucky am I talking to?” He demanded.

“Your mom’s name was Sarah.”

He caught the memory that swirled into his mind of Steve before the serum. He could still see the skinny young man as he was, determined.

“You use to stuff newspaper in your shoes.” He chuckled, the sensation nearly felt foreign to him as it slipped out with the memory.

“You can’t read that in a museum.” Relieved, Steve allowed this small victory.

“Just like that we’re supposed to be cool?” Sam said bluntly.

Bucky knew the answer before he asked as to how he got out of the JTC. Same as it always was.

Fighting.

“What did I do?”

“Enough.” said Steve.

“Oh god, I knew this would happen. Everything Hydra put inside is still there. All he had to do was say the god damn words.”

_There was a time in his life where his mere presence baited attention from the room. With jazz in his step and that supple cool gaze he absorbed the admiration. A magnetic charming personality seeped from a young vibrant smile. His eyes dazzled and usurped the will of both men and women alike when he glanced at them. He was a man’s man, a woman’s best dream, and he found himself effortlessly loving it._

_He once had dreams of being a top savvy business man who traveled, hell, maybe even an artist. As a young man, he spent his time on the outskirts of social circles. He liked to dip in and sneak out, taking only what he needed from them in the end. Leaving his soul fed with a reality of his making._

The dreams of the present, those damn dreams. They peppered his mind with scenes of madness. Eliciting dark fantasies of stripping freedom from people where he had none. The dark visions insisted violence where he wanted nothing more than peace. But he allowed them to sustain the deep sorrow. anyway. It meant he was alive at least. Though peace of mind never looked so good and at the same time never looked so far away as it did in the medical facility in Wakanda.

“I can’t trust my own mind.”

The memories would have to quiet now. Sleep was coming, a deep agitated slumber to ease the brutality of his actions into a dreamless hibernation.

“I think going back under is the best thing. For everybody.”

But he could fall asleep to visions of her. The one he had stolen her sense of safety from. He could see pieces of the moment now if he thought on it long enough. 

And he did in the few days since Siberia. When he had ripped her happiness away. He wouldn’t wish those images on his worst enemy. In these last few minutes before going under he could give it back though. 

In his own way, under his own control he could alter that moment in his mind. Maybe in a way his soul could be forgiven for his actions. So Bucky imaged a better outcome for her and him. One where she wasn’t terrified and where he could see a smile instead of that heartbreaking frown of horror.

He had been thinking about her long before this moment occurred. Rehashing and pasting together what happened piece by fragile piece. And it had alarmed him at first when he caught on to the obsession of remembering. But he never was very good at keeping up with the morals of others. It was no use trying to live up to their ideals, anyway. Except to gauge where he could lose himself in the in between of their structured ethics and values. He had nothing to lose.

He lay back in the pod, taking slow deep breaths, and the sounds of clicking and prodding were ignored. He didn’t mind it. And he did not let it become a nuisance to the image he saw behind his eyes lids.

Her heart was full of happiness. The love he felt when he gazed at those chestnut colored eyes of hers was immeasurable. What a pretty girl. It was like looking at a piece of him that had long been lost to time and torture. She lived free and untamed who, like him, was in touch with her desires for stability but appreciated the fresh and unseen. And he knew that he only had to ask her to follow him. Together they could chase freedom. But he watched her smile in his dream, a smothering goodness radiated from bright loving eyes. She was a work of art that emitted serenity and security, the person he wished he was now. Hair the color of black jade tickled his palms as she leaned into him.

She wasn’t scared of him.

She was his home for now.

She sustained him.

He would let this beautiful dream take him as he felt the broken parts of his mind shut down.


	4. Under My Skin

Awenha spent four days in the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre medical facility with an overly astute staff. She allowed their questions about of her comfort. She preformed the instructions they insisted upon. At this point she saw little reasoning to fain feeling. Numbness had set in. The sense of security built through years of never looking close enough at the world was a naïve idea. The world was not safe, it never was and it hatefully reminded her that she was just the latest victim.

And she detested the word. _Victim_. The suffering word carried with it sentiments that not only was she unable to overcome his strength but also took away her choices. And Awenha felt she had so very little choices these days. Those first days after were filled with denial. The lie she told Natasha somehow morphing into a false tale that she honestly wanted to believe. And then a smell or a sensation would bring the truth back. And in those few hurtful moments she would become lost in the memory. But she refused to succumb completely in being dragged back under the tide of those memories. 

Awenha felt the slip of tears pool behind shut lids as she breathed out steadily. _Focus_ , she begged her mind as the image of his boots flashed in her mind. She took in another deep healthy breath to slow her pulse. From her efforts a wash of calm coated and smoothed over the spikes of the memory. It loosened and fell away, exiled to a deeper part of her mind.

She limped within the corridor of the medical facility slowly. On the second day she was out of the bed and left the room often wandering where ever the feeling took her. Today she wore her own clothes that were bought by a friendly nurse who had taken initiative to help. Her body was healing quicker than most. And with little pain medication and through sheer will the tenderness in her shin began to be less bothersome. To the surprise of the staff the swelling and bruising around her eye had healed completely.

She slept little, and the jittery numbness she felt when they would approach unannounced were just side effects. Nothing that a little convincing on her part could subdue. And that the weariness she felt was the consequence of violence and could be contained deep in her mind.

“Wenha.” A smooth deep voice carried lightly down the hall behind her. She turned to see a tall, raven haired black man, well into his sixties but looked not a day over thirty with a welcoming gate as he approached. Recognition hit her hard bursting her heart open at the sight of him.

“Baba!” she cried as he finally reached Awenha and held her close to his chest.

Comforting arms wrapped around her. Instantly the tingling of her insides resided to a manageable tremor as she was reminded of the love of her father. The big man patted and rubbed her shoulder as if he was willing the love he felt to heal her body and soul.

“You are to come with me immediately.” His voice was resonant but purposeful in its pitch. He held her a bit tighter then released. “Please Wenha. You are too stubborn at the best of times, but attacked!”

“I will go with you.” She said flatly. Her father began to speak anticipating a disagreeable answer but stopped short. The same kind eyes she remembered stared back at her in surprise. He studied the awkward shift of her body as he observed her. But before he could put a name to what he was feeling she smiled kindly.

“Thank Bast, for this time you finally listen to your father.” He gleefully grinned down at her. His eyes worriedly traced the fading small curve of a bruise near her eye socket. And with a large warm hand he cupped her face staring at the progress. With a professional eye he continued to revise the work done on her wrist and the plastic boot on her leg. He shook his head discouraged at what he was seeing.

“This is an insufficient construction. It is cutting off the nerves needed to aid in healing bone growth.”

A tight placating smile appeared on her face. He was still the ever ready scientist and physician, she thought as she watched his brows furrow as he touched the cast on her wrist.

“Are you taking me _home_?” she asked.

The both of them knew the word home to hold much significance in their lives than the regular old town, the typical small town, and place one grows up. Home, for their family was each other. 

“Yes your umama is waiting. And not patiently I might add.”

* * *

“I never get tired of seeing this baba.”

Awenha’s voice was blown into the wind that gusted bundles of her dark curls around her head. The deepest green of the forest parted and opened up to a landscape of tall lanky brown grass, shades of green where the odd gazelle galloped through the vast fields. The waterfalls in the distant mountainous terrain overcame her thoughts as memories of better days sprang into her mind. Her eyes shifted to the familiar site in the distance. Hidden from the world’s conflicts her birth place had become the rarest stretch of land on Earth. Unbothered and pristine, Wakanda was for better or worse, her first home, though the rest of the world was the place she could roam freely.

Nearing the capitol central of the city her father drove the terrain vehicle to a tall building. The roads had always been dedicated to pedestrians in Wakanda. Rarely a vehicle was seen in the streets a part from small buses that ferried those who needed it. Awenha had unfortunately taken up the habit of hardly ever walking in Berlin. Out of practice she was thankful when her father called upon a bus for them.

The sites of the busy road to their family home carried memories back to her that both appeased and worried her. It was a good place to grow in, to explore in, but she knew better than to paint a veneer over the way they were often regarded. Her small family of three was not of royal blood, but members of the Golden Tribe, and still that was not enough to save them from disdain.

She focused on the moments where they did fit in, when their otherness didn’t matter so much. The building anxiety in her chest and back released as she told herself to breath.

Contained within the King’s tower but on the lower outside curve her childhood home had not changed. Two stories up from the ground she could see the main living area window. It was open with colorful green, yellow and blue patterned curtain billowing out.

And then a figure appeared. Braids lay ornately on top of her head with a purple and pink colored head scarf wrapped perfectly around and tied into a bow just above her forehead. The woman stared down at the duo before breaking into a glorious smile. She waved excitedly out the window her words floated out but Awenha couldn’t hear them. Finally the woman motioned them to come in and she disappeared from the opening.

Awenha could hear the voice of her mother on the other side of the large metal door before she even opened it. The woman’s voice, light as the sound of wind chimes, carried through happily, sincere. It was absolutely the thing she needed to hear that second. Visions entered her mind of peaceful times instantly. For a moment the unapproachable subject of what happened scurried away. The spark of happiness she felt at hearing her mother prolonged the tide of tears that threatened to come.

“She’s here!” The melody of her voice rang through Awenha. “AH three years with Americans and she doesn’t even call her Mama daily!!”

Awenha could hear another voice a familiar cantor that hastened her motivation to get in.

“Since she only hears orders tell her the mother of the King says that family dinner will not be missed! Remind the girl she is home now and none of this ‘I’ll eat when I can’ will pass here.”

Awenha limped in, a smile beginning to form as she rested her satchel upon the entry way table.

“I’ll eat when I can!” Awenha shrieked joyfully.

Drea’s broad grin beamed as she stood with her right wrist held up as the image of Ramunda turned to greet Awenha with a withering smile before disappearing into the beads.

“My Wenha has returned!” Her feathery voice faltered as she rushed to swathe Awenha in gentle arms. The sleeves of Drea’s thin blouse brushed Awenha’s cheek softly. A sweet mix of homemade perfume butter, and Merchant incense filled her nose. She smelled of home and felt like safety. Awenha let the breath go that she didn’t think she was holding. Not a true breath. But a curiously near undetectable catch that threatened to suffocate her.

Drea released Awenha, searching fingers curved over her back to her forearms. Worried dark brown eyes looked her over carefully. Concerned thin black brows rose as she inspected the final stage of the bruise on Awenha’s cheek.

 _She can see it_. Awenha felt the beat of her heart increase under her mother’s consideration. Drea caressed her cheek with the back of her hand. Drea’s eyes shifted into a motherly awareness as she finally gazed into Awenha’s eyes. _Can she see the broken parts_? She tried to take a deep breath only to have it stutter and fail into a sigh. _Can she see what he has done_?

“We will be going to the med facility promptly, my love. I want to check her out myself!” The brass clang of her father’s voice shook her out of moment. Tiakan walked over to them his hand resting on his wife’s shoulder.

Awenha perceived the gloomy exchange of glances between Tiakan and Drea as a means for her father to comfort her mother. But the situation did nothing to quiet the burgeoning feeling of dread.

“Drea. She will be fine. She is home.”

“It was always a bad idea to leave Wakanda. I knew-“

“She knew that life happens, Drea.” Tiakan cut Drea short of her assumed dissertation about the traditions in their family. “Please let us not speak of on this subject. Our daughter is here, and it is her birthday.”

“Berlin has decent patties in a few spots.” Sensing the agitation in her mother that could easily split into an argument she changed the subject.

Drea, still fixed in irritation turned from Awenha to her husband. “Life does not have a fist, Tiakan!” The scared expression on her face and the tattered pitch of her voice faded the moment she finished. But Drea let the moment pass having said her peace.

“Now.” Her sing-song pitch returning as she walked passed Awenha. She followed her mother’s busy walk watching her throw her voice over her shoulder. “You look like you have not eaten good food my daughter.”

“We ate at D’Njuco’s.” Tiakan butted in while coming up behind them.

“Tss! She will eat what I have cooked then you can take her to the facility.” Drea barked back but her pitch hovered above playful.

* * *

“Baba, why does she always make the sauce incredibly spicy? I think my gums are numb.” Awenha licked at her gums tenderly and internally whined to herself as they entered the lustrous medical building.

“You’re out of practice Wenha. You have lived too long out in the world. You’ve lost your taste buds.” Her father laughed. He placed his hand over the panel as it read his biometric signature. The building had changed within Awenha noted. There was more equipment within the rooms as they walked passed them. Better and more efficient machines replaced the few she remembered while new additions caught her eye. The waiting rooms for guests weren’t out of the ordinary even in Wakanda only with a much better view.

“I have been given a project of sorts. The Princess requires my help.” He sounded shocked and looked at Awenha with wide elated eyes.

Awenha was taken back as well for a moment. Princess Shuri rarely asked or even required aid in any of her projects. The young woman was a ridiculously intelligent inventor in the ranks of some of the most prolific engineers. If not the most, Awenha thought, the woman was a genius. And she was never afraid to ask. Awenha adored this humble trait in her cousin. Shuri was comfortable enough in her skills that if she did not know a subject she would seek out that knowledge from other professionals.

“The brain is a marvelous biological machine, as you know, but even a mastermind must sometimes ask for more information about it.”

They entered his laboratory, she detected more piles of diagnostic equipment, scanners, tracers, and wires scattered in a corner that surrounded a medical cot. Above the bed an image of a brain was projected there, Awenha recognized the invention. She had helped her father with the coding, the neuro synaptic trackers and the cerebral cortex quantum interface.

Awenha had to laugh if not to keep from crying as she scanned the room her father spent most of his time in. She considered their families obsession with tech a curse where he wallowed. The evidence was clear that he was continuing the legacy of service in providing the groundwork in integrated technology. Tiakan’s persistent need to improve upon his creations would never end. But she had to be honest, their great need to serve science, whether by DNA or habit, had not passed her by either. 

Awenha walked passed her father’s work and into another part of his lab. The area was for running diagnostics on living patients. It was an activated medical bed used to diagnosis and treat in the event one of his inventions turned deadly. Thankfully, he kept this region of his lab tidier, though panels were still stacked high, rare cloth schematics laid rolled under tables, and the occasional empty glass dotted the room. The flat medical table stood in the middle of the room. Protruding from the head of the bed was a panel of grey hexagon blocks that remained inert until she sat on it.

“Let us get a quick scan then determine if that cast is necessary.” Awenha’s stomach twisted. The methodical programming of the bed could pick up the smallest of nicks. Though quick to heal, she could not help but think of any other damage within it could detect.

A line of blue projected from the top of the panel and quickly strobe down her body and then back up as it vanished.

The hexagon patterns opened up in a list of diagnosis. She watched her father read the results with bated breathes.

“Healing is on track, especially in your wrist. But…” he trailed off as he narrowed his focus in concentration at the panels reading.

Awenha felt sick. She was convinced the tool had picked up secondary injuries of the assault.

“But the metal they put in your shin will not do. It is completely allowing a restrictive action to the membranes of the cells. It must come out.”

She released an internal sigh of relief. Tiakan instructed her to stretch her legs out on the cot. As always he was proficient in the procedure. He secured a sterile area, emitted the proper medicine to numb her, and he used tools unknown to the rest of the world to open a small area above the scar of her broken shin. She watched him cover her bone in a dense liquid and as it adhered to the surface he was already working on closing the minute opening of her tissue and skin.

She watched meticulous movements of his hands work to treat her. His voice faded off as her clouded eyes remained fixed on his motions. The smell of sweat filled her nose. It wasn’t her though. She knew her body, the smell of her father and what she sensed was not of them. Blue eyes filled her mind; heavy lidded glassy blue eyed daggers pierced her sanity. He was crazed, she thought, he must have had a mind destroyed by madness.

Fogginess wouldn’t scatter even when she heard the distant mutterings of her father’s voice and was acknowledged with a monotonous shift in her eyes.

He was a hybrid, she theorized, a mix of beast and man. Rabid but potentially there could be a person there who loved, felt, and needed life as she did. It had been so obvious to her when his eyes cleared in that moment just after he finished with her and then again before he walked out.

Awenha felt bile in her throat at the thought of feeling anything but hate for the man.

Her father spoke but Awenha did not hear instead she followed his wave to come. She stuffed the images back down, though even now she could see the soft gaze he held with her. Once the door of that day was open it was hard to shut it. Letting it come as it wanted seemed to help the most. Awenha took a deep breath as she walked; still heavily swept up in the memory of that day she only caught a few words from her father in passing.

“-complete and total control over his functions. The construction of such a monstrosity leads me to seriously rethink humanity. Princess Shuri said that his brain is damaged possibly his memories are intact but the brain’s ability to retrieve them is counterproductive to the mechanism that was put in place of free will.”

The promise of a puzzle became a beacon to stormy thoughts. At least with a puzzle it seemed logical. Not this dragged out condition of trauma that plagued her mind. Her ears perked up at the mention of this new project of her father’s. Seemingly, it was the very one Princess Shuri had asked for assistance.

“Mechanism?”Awenha inquired.

“Yes. Princess Shuri mentioned that ten code words were implemented in triggering this transformation. Blood work also indicates biological manipulation as well as scarring across the three layers of the meninges.”

“Then the patient must operate completely on a needed basis?” Awenha spoke confidently. “What are the chances that the memory is intact?”

The pair crossed the threshold into the priority medical status pods used for long term care. The upper walls were completely lined with screens of diagnostic information while the lower quarter contained stations used for information intake.

“The image you saw in the lab was his brain activity. I lifted the secondary functions of stasis in order to elicit brain activity, specifically dreams.”

Awenha halted for a moment recognizing the train of thought her father was leading her.

“Dreams can trigger memory, or even create a psychological paradox to at least prompt memory.” She knew that if there was activity in that area of the brain that even dormant memory could be readily accessed. But only if the necessary amount of overlapping engram were engaged with retrieving memories. 

“What a sad state to be in baba.” She admitted. “I would hate to forget you and mama.”

Tiakan nodded at her response and then added. “Imagine having your mind wiped and then triggered and then wiped for fifty years.”

She halted in her steps as her father continued to a colleague. Thoughts raced at the implications of such an act. To be cruelly treated as an experiment for nearly a century. She looked over to her father who was speaking to another scientist.

“It’s barbaric.” She said dismayed.

Awenha observed the scientists buzz about the room from control boards throughout the room. Her eyes followed the slow movement of a pod beginning its ascension into an upright position. Intentionally she walked near the pod with curiosity in the fore front of her mind to the being who was submitted to such inhuman conditions. The pod rotated, the frosty interior obscured any basic details other than the white tank top and bottoms. Awenha really could not discern whether it was a man or woman. The closer she approached and the more fixated she became upon the face as it became clear to her the shape belonged to a man.

She was within touching distance of the pod and standing to the side of it as her eyes roamed the face. Passed the frost of the glass she saw the brown beard and jaw length hair. She recognized the familiar shape of his closed eyes. The discovery bloomed a memory of a man laid above her, sweat dampening his forehead, his breathing ragged.

She snapped her head back she was instantly cold, yet her face burned. Quick, frantic eyes searched for his silver arm but it was not there, instead a vacant area where an arm would be. Blood shot to her head and his presence became the center of attention as she leaned forward. Numb fingers gripped the glass as her eyes traveled over his chest, neck and then finally, after a deep breath, looked at his face. Even with his eyes closed, completely asleep and restrained she felt danger.

“Shit…” her voice escaped her throat and passed through unwilling lips.

Wide eyes fixed on the face of the man as her memory plowed through her. Tiakan rushed to her side. Through gentle touch of her arms he managed to jolt her attention away to look at him. The ringing in her ears became deafening as she realized that his lips were moving but could hear nothing.

* * *

Awenha slammed the door to her room. The heart in her chest beat hard against an aching ribcage as she struggled to breath. The smell of blood lingered in her nose as she sucked in deep breathes. She brushed trembling fingers along the bottom of her jaw checking for the source of a ghostly clamping sensation.

Her legs turned to jelly as she slid down behind the door. Set eyes blankly stared at the ceiling as her mind took her back. The feeling of him within, greedily poking dry skin made her retch. Her shaking long fingers cupped her bent knee caps for a tactile sensation to bring her back. Blurry eyes finally blinked as tears dropped to hot cheeks. Awenha could see her room now, dusky rays from the setting sun beamed on to the mirror shards on her wall. The shiny reflections became her grounding as she watched the dance of light on the walls.

Her breath slowed as she licked her lips wetting the dry skin.

From the corner of her eye she saw her bedroom door open the bare feet of her mother is what Awenha saw first as her eyes traveled up to her worried face.

“Wenha!” She said in a hushed concerned tone.

Drea crouched down in front of her daughter concern and hesitation stopped her at first from touching Awenha.

“Baba said you passed out after seeing that man.” Her low voice was caring but Awenha could hear anger filtered through at the end.

Awenha watched her mother’s fretting hands as she placed her hands over Awenha’s shaky fingers.

“Did he attack you? Was he the one?”

Awenha slowly moved her head up and down as her eyes looked at her hands. Drea shifted to Awenha’s right side as she leaned against the bedroom door. She could feel the weight of Drea’s gaze but never looked at her.

She squeezed her eyes tight as the memory of him throttling her resurfaced. Whimpering turned to sobbing in an instant. Drea put her arm around her pulling Awenha into her chest. She stilled at first, but soon the warmth of Drea relaxed her.

“Daughter, please speak to me.” She begged sniffled away tears.

Awenha felt the tug of potential relief if she spoke up. And then the shame of what her mother would think pushed freedom away. She rolled her head in pain as she wept on to Drea’s shoulder.

“Don’t hold it in.” Drea sensing the hesitation stroked her face.

Awenha struggled to speak through wet lips but cried harder at the thought of telling.

“Daughter.”

Drea drew her hand to Awenha’s hair as she pushed back the damp black curls so she could see her face.

The apple of her plumb colored cheek wet with tears and hot with emotion. Her eyes were shut but relaxed as she took deep breaths.

“That was him, the man in the lab.” She said quietly.

More calm now Awenha lifted her head as she leaned against the wall. Lost eyes rose to stare at the wall.

“There was a breech in Berlin. This other man faked his identity. I knew it was false but before I could send the message everything went to hell.”

Awenha shifted her gaze out into the room lost in thought.

“I was too late. The imposter sent the man from the lab for me.”

Awenha’s voice sounded seemingly tranquil but the vagrant expression of longing in her eyes deceived her tone.

“He hit me first. He broke my wrist and shin.” Awenha subtly nodded to her wrist.

“Then he raped me.” She said emphatically holding her lost eyes toward the window across the room.

Awenha heard Drea gasp. She looked down to see her mother’s hand over her own, gently Drea held it lovingly and brought it to her lips to place a kiss. Awenha could see Drea shake her head in slow fury before placing another kiss. It was quiet between them for a moment.

“I can’t stand it Mama.” Awenha’s voice shook as she spoke.

“Baba told me this man isn’t in control of himself. But I can’t separate him from that moment.”

At last breaking her thousand yard stare Awenha looked at her mother for the first time since she entered. Red rimmed and blood shot eyes-scared and confused stared back at Drea.

“He was there, it is impossible to rectify his innocence completely.” Sensing her daughter’s internal struggle, Drea squeezed her hand. “But with intention you can find the truth.”

Awenha’s eyes dropped to her mother’s hands.

Maybe she could separate the man from the beast. He was made to be. He was turned into the thing that attacked, who had zero accountability in that state. No matter how hard he wanted to stop it, the viciousness against him became unending.

Perhaps she could even consider he was a victim too.

“He took from you. Don’t let that theft go unchecked, daughter. You deserve justice in whatever form you see fit. And even if that justice takes the form of quiet forgiveness.”

She hadn’t thought of what her justice looked like. What would it matter now after all the people he’s killed through the years. What’s one woman’s virtue to a half century of violence? And now, as it turns out, he was created to carry out brutality without remorse like a machine. And like a tool the operator would also be to blame for its accomplishments and failures.

“I won’t forgive what happened. But I can forgive the man.”

“What about you?” Drea asked.

“I’m okay.” She said with honesty and relief when she found a few precious fragments of balance.

“But it would have been helpful though if my powers were activated.”

“You are not weak.” Drea said while stroking her forearm. Awenha was sure her mother’s concern wasn’t unfounded when it came to the aversion Awenha had with her humanity. “You were not weak then and you are not now.”

“I could have fought harder but I froze. I could have used them. I always thought if something like this happened I would _fight_. And I would do it with everything that is in me.”

“You did. Contesting is not always about how loud you scream or how hard you struggle.”

 _I fought_ , Awenha thought, as she looked away from her mother’s probing gaze. It was an impossible situation to successfully navigate, it would have always ended the way it did even if she had made the struggle last longer. It was in her inexperience that held the most weight in her mind. The inability to stop him had the longest contrite affect on her psyche.

“I won’t be the same again.” The despondency dripped from her words.

“No, but do not push away your heart. You love hard, have always been compassionate. I think you would do yourself a disservice.”


	5. Shades of Color

A fretful night sleep followed, still Awenha awoke, ate, and then headed to Tiakan’s lab. Hours passed by her undetected in the efforts she was attempting. She was finally managing to stay focused. Whether it was because it grounded her or that an innocent man needed help, she was going to complete their part in it. The desperate need to right it felt important to Awenha. It wasn’t just his life, but her life as well.

Tiakan had left a few hours ago to go to sleep, but sensing she would rather say he did not push her to leave. Awenha would not have gone anyway. When she was tired enough she slept in the cradle. The proto-type cot lay underneath the floating image of the man’s brain. The flashes of color lighting up parts of his temporal lobe became a hypnotizing lull that carried her into a dreamless sleep.

A few hours passed when she awoke, refreshed her tussled hair and puffy tired face then proceeded to go back to work. Awenha sat at her father’s workstation surrounded by the neatly disorganized mess. Determined tired eyes studied the scans.

The flashbacks of what occurred in her lab were less. She wondered if it was because her mind was so preoccupied. But none the less she accepted the silence as a merciful side-effect of over working.

Awenha’s eyes glanced to the side to a black and white image. Caught off guard by the fresh young face of a man standing with Steve Rogers she picked up the pad. A genuine smile that crawled all the up to his eyes, maybe he was blushing, she thought. But she would never know as the hue of his skin was lost to the shades of gray.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.” She said in an even hushed tone.

Her thoughts wandered to his past concerns during the time the photo was taken. Little worry seemed to linger in his expression. The haunted confused appearance of him that she knew all too well was in stark contrast to what she stared at.

She put the pad to the side and picked up a crown of wires made of vibranium laced hardware, and integrated capable programming. She gazed speculatively at the device ensuring the connections were sound. With this she could really know, Awenha’s thoughts turned back to Sergeant Barnes. The man would be separated from the monster HYDRA created. Then she would know him as he knew himself. The thought of stepping into his mind both thrilled and alarmed her with the possibility of meeting the true Sergeant Barnes.

He stayed with her, though the flashbacks hit softer, his murky bottomless presences was there even if she did not want it. She thought that maybe a piece of his soul broke off and now traveled within her smearing his hurt and fear along the way.

She clipped and soldered the last of the wires to the cap that Tiakan had constructed. Their calculations were precise to the last decimal, Awenha booted up the device without a hitch in its operation. The device would enable an interface with the thoughts and memories of Sergeant Barnes. The screen flickered on the screen to her side when then the diagnostic window appeared. Awenha smiled big and sighed loud as she finally succeeded.

“Do you need a test subject?” A slender woman with a brightly patterned shirt and pants walked into her lab. Princess Shuri smiled haughtily as she flung her head back. “But only once! I would hate to have my brilliance tapered.”

The young woman laughed aloud that rolled into a giggle as she plopped down in the chair across from Awenha. Shuri’s long fingers could not help but to touch everything. The engineer in her directed the natural yearn to learn from her environment. But sometimes, her ego would kick in chiding her that she should already know.

“Walk me through this again cousin.” She said as she held the device in her hands and then placed it as a crown on top of her head.

“We are looking for ear marks in memory. Entering a memory can help detect the frequency of damage.” Awenha pressed the soft padding of the device along Shuri’s forehead as she continued.

“Memory is fluid really, held together thoughtfully instead of mechanically. We find the end of the length of damage; theoretically we should be able to pinpoint the origin of the thought reform.”

Awenha then placed the second device upon her own head while pressing the padded nodes into her own forehead.

“The area should be then easily repaired with your tech. You just needed this scalpel rather than a can opener.” Awenha’s voice halted when she saw Shuri’s confused gaze.

“Can opener?”

Awenha looked back at her cousin. She had forgotten that Shuri had not been out in the world as she had. What need would Wakanda have for canned foods?

“Nevermind.” Awenha pressed a few more commands. “Ready? I have no idea how this will be. Prepare yourself.”

Shuri’s eyebrows rose high and an unsure expression spread across her face.

“Close your eyes, cousin. Three, two, one.”

Awenha was plunged into a shimmering slip of consciousness surrounded her. The sense of feeling was beyond the body but wholly contained within her mind. At first she resisted the feeling of falling but quickly surrendered to the destination.

It was easier to maneuver and more intuitive than she initially thought their device could provide. Her thoughts guided her into Shuri’s presenting memory. The landscape was that of the mountains behind the palace of the King. A little girl came running from Awenha’s left side. Her bouncing braids and flowing flora printed dress fell behind her as jumped into her father’s arms.

“I concentrated on my favorite day.” Adult Shuri stood beside Awenha. Her appearance was different than in the world they realistically were sitting in. Shuri’s dark brown skin shimmered and blurred at the lines of her body, her braids shorter and fashioned into a twisted crown upon her head. The clothes stood in sharp contrast in bright yellow, neon blue, and pink to the mellow memory before the two of them.

Shuri looked over to Awenha. Surprised Shuri simply stared. Awenha too had taken on a different visual persona. Her tawny skin shimmered like brown velvet and blurred but her hair moved as though a current of water was running around it. The metallic blue and silver dress was not intricate but simple black leather panels at the neck and collar with just a flickering light that looked to be woven into the fabric.

“You look like the spirit of hardware.” Shuri smiled while lightly touching her sleeve.

The interaction created a kick back that was unexpected. Shuri paused and appeared stuck in the action while Awenha was completely able to regard her. A surge of emotion swept through Awenha. Happiness, joy, insecurities and pride raced through her. She recognized it as Shuri, not a program or some mistake in feedback but who Shuri was at her essence. Awenha felt goodness in her and hope. Awenha stepped away and the contact between them discontinued. But the feeling of Shuri remained.

“Did you feel that?” Shuri looked around before returning her shocked expression back to Awenha. “I..I saw..I saw you.”

Worried, Awenha looked down and away from Shuri.

“The white man…he- Awenha look at me.”

Dark, sad eyes rested upon Shuri.

“I saw him strike you Awenha. I felt your fear, sorrow - all the bad.” She waved her hands in front of her as if to encircle the empty air in front of her.

Awenha nodded.

“And he-“

“Yes.” She sighed. “To all of it, Shuri.”

Awenha stared at Shuri for a moment, willing an excuse to come to her mind that would explain what the young woman had seen. For a split second she thought to lie. But as she looked at Shuri’s shocked appearance shift into a less discernable expression the thought died in her.

“That memory was not for you. I am sorry you witnessed any of it. It was an unexpected by-product of cross integration. I can tone that down on my end.” She continued.

Shuri watched Awenha for a moment before she spoke. “I’m not sorry.”

She turned her head toward Shuri. Feelings of understanding remain in place instead of the embarrassment that threatened to take over. Awenha nodded.

“I think this can work for him Shuri. I simply prompt his memory to the moment of augmentation. Then on your side of things you eliminate it with your biomemetic algorithm.”

“A restart.” Shuri concluded.

* * *

Status quo is decided here. The right to rule is upheld no matter the fate of the defeated. Six tribes gathered upon damp river rocks to await their future king. Warrior Falls had seen many men come to prove their worth for the title. Today held significant and maintained a tradition of besting ones competition for leadership and country.

Awenha stood between Tiakan and Drea as the three of them chanted in honor of the Prince. Their bodies moved, and dipped as the beat rose and fell like the tide being held back above them. Descending from the sky the eyes of the crowd followed the ship land, and then opened as Prince T’Challa stepped into the pool for battle.

After being stripped of the power of the heart-shaped herb it was asked of the prominent members of each tribe to challenge. Each called out their tribe’s battle cry before declining their right. Awenha glanced up at Tiakan, his face was proud, though ready to serve. She wandered if his heart was beating as fast as her. Finally, the shaman called out to the members of Royal Blood for challenge.

Awenha caught the shift in Drea’s restless stance at the pronouncement. They were Golden Tribe, the family that supported the king but not allowed to challenge. Awenha caught the eyes of the other tribes cutting glances in their direction before looking to Princess Shuri. Whom, to Awenha’s amusement, had her hand raised to answer the shaman. Scandalized gasping and shocked grumbles echoed through the mass of people. Awenha turned to her mother, Drea smiled brightly down at the young woman.

The event ended with a challenge from M’Baku the elusive and often ridiculed leader of the Jibari Tribe. Afterward, the only person to be seen speaking with the Jibari was Tiakan, to Drea’s discouragement. But Awenha knew there was no use in educating her father in the delicate relationships and preconceptions people held. She admired his refusal to bend to normalcy. Their new King T’Challa was celebrated, as Drea managed to drag Tiakan to the Gold Tribes’ celebration. 

A large festival in the streets could be heard from the medical lab. People cheered, the occasional pop of fireworks echoed, and those brave enough to with stand heights rode hover wings above the city skyline.

Awenha monitored the vital statistics of Sergeant Barnes. The partial stasis within the pod gave her a steady heartbeat, blood pressure, and brain activity to follow. His signs were as stable as they ever would be for what she was about to attempt.

She held the now fully rendered head piece in her hand and looked up to see its companion resting upon the crown of his head. Awenha nibbled her bottom lip, her fingers hung over the activation bead nervously.

A thick swallow followed when she considered what she was about to uncover. What memories sustained this man? Were there beautiful moments he clung to in dark times? And would she see the bright and busted bits to finally know him. Awenha would be lying to herself to deny the wide and steadfast curiosity within.

Sometimes she could not even think about the number of times he rolled over in her mind. The obsession for insightful revelations kept her motivated until this moment. She sat near him mulling over the consequences of her actions while delaying the second that would throw her into his mind.

Exhausted with the tedious thoughts she reassessed her objective. Get the markers to coordinate the region of his brain to ear-mark for application of treatment. He was their patient, she reminded the growing anxiety, and it was her job to help Sergeant Barnes or else risk him never knowing himself again.

Awenha sat back in the chair then closed her eyes. She took a deep breath held it in then released it. She activated the kimoyo beads that encircled her left wrist. Once more she was thrust into the dazzling lights of consciousness, the sensation of falling from the light and into blinding white blankness overcame her sense of equilibrium for a moment.

Tall, sharp mountains covered in snow appeared, Awenha’s eyes glanced around and noticed the snow lay everywhere on hills and trees alike. Fog of winter or coldness hung in the air, though she could not feel the iciness, she was certain it was freezing here. She looked down, the snow was up to her shins as she continued to explore the immediate area.

After what felt like an hour of observing the mountains and rushing freezing river Awenha called out into the emptiness. There was a great possibility of interacting with his avatar. However, she was unsure Sergeant Barnes would recognize her in regards to any affiliation to his memories.

“Hello.” A voice came from directly behind her.

Awenha turned around and took at the man who stood but a few feet away. Blue eyes stared down at her as he too was taking her in. His hair was shorter clipped to his head and parted down the right side. Perhaps a shadow of a beard but his face bore no signs of sadness or conflict. A sudden handsome smile brightly lit his expression. Awenha felt taken back for a moment but allowed the feeling of security override her instinct to flinch.

“Sergeant Barnes.” She asked. He nodded while shifting his weight to the right and tilting his head as his eyes roamed her figure.

“That’s me. Who are you, pretty girl?” His voice was low perhaps even sensual as he spoke.

Awenha did not see any expression of recognition in him. This might not work, she thought, this version of the sergeant is incomplete. This avatar is the person before Hydra. After her first experiment with Shuri and their interactions, there was a possibility to hasten the dialogue along.

“My name is Awenha.”

His bright smile turned into an expression of joy.

“And that’s a beautiful name for a beautiful lady.” He drawled. His eyes focused on her lasciviously.

“Sergeant Barnes, might I shake your hand?” she asked as her hand waited in the air between them.

He reached for her hand as he was about to speak. But on contact he was frozen in his position. Awenha connected with his thoughts, memories, and intentions. As with her cousin, Awenha sensed that James Buchanan Barnes was not the person who had attacked her, not really. She could see who he was in a stunning array of color from the mind. Each hue rushed through her thoughts as if the colors were assigned an emotion, a memory, or his core beliefs and reactions.

A man split into fragments and put together in to two pieces remained. A compartmentalized mind was the only thing that held his psyche together. But the flecks of black hell he experienced and hurt other people with was the rarest part of him. HYDRA traumatized words into him and connected them to his function and controlled his actions. Her mind collected and tagged the memories that had the greatest influence over Sergeant Barnes when triggered.

Awenha held onto his hand and waited until the concentrated essence of who he was washed over her. Colors never experienced blazed a path of goodness, honesty, and wholesome loyalty through her mind as she felt him. He was like any other man. He was flawed and imperfect but not without a will of his own to overcome his insecurities of fear, obsession, and selfishness. His true nature became a moral touchstone, an insight to his qualities that were timeless and unchanging.

She released him and took a step back. Alarmed she watched as his avatar shifted in and out of clarity. Sergeant Barnes’ image settled upon a representation that was more recognizable to her. His brown hair was long to his shoulders, his beard was fuller and his left arm was gone but his eyes were soft and forgiving.

He looked at her. “I remember you.”

Awenha searched his eyes; she saw nothing but peace in them. It was an experience far removed from the last time she was standing in front of him.

His lips parted achingly his eyes pooled with tears.

“I—I would have never done that to you. I’m not that kind of man.” His voice cracking as he looked at the snow.

“I know that now.” She whispered honestly.

“I’ve hurt so many people.”

“You were not in control.” She pointed out.

“It was still my body.”

“You can be freed of this hell.” Awenha wanted to change his focus. Her dark eyes shifted to the mountains surrounding them looking for another chain of thought. The restlessness in his voice and the new found clarity of what transpired between them could damage any progress she made.

“Thank you, Awenha. I don’t know what I would have done without you. Will you stay?”

Her focus returned to him. He was watching her. But she felt more shocked in knowing that he said her name.

“Shuri is the genius. I am merely a tool in her arsenal. ” She paused as her eyes returned back to his.

“Maybe when I wake up...do you think you will want to talk to me?” He asked hesitantly.

“Why would you want to speak to me?” Her eyes focused on his.

“I haven’t had much calm in my life. You’re kind-“

The vulnerability in his demeanor rattled her. Awenha took a step closer to him, her eyes never wavering from his. He appeared kind and approachable. And she got the distinct feeling her presence was significant to him. Perhaps not in the way of a guardian or friend, but as pensive eyes peered into her Awenha stood motionless under his gaze.

“I will.” She spoke quietly. "Sergeant Barnes, have the sweetest of dreams.”

+


	6. Unbroken Fragments

The City of the Dead was a place of worship for Wakanda. An ancient temple erected to home their ancestors. A longed for heavenly connection that offered those left behind only acceptance instead of ascension. A vast complex of catacombs stretched along the land surrounding a tower dedicated to Kings of the past. It housed their family in hopes that they find peace within a town of their own.

The bodies of Tiakan and Drea now laid here.

Killmonger made it his mission to destroy any resemblance to unity that would seize the compliance he inflicted upon the people. He would have killed Ramonda. He would have slaughtered Shuri. The scholar of war, fire and death worked in his favor and he never hesitated to take it a step further. Though he wanted freedom, his cool calculated demeanor longed for the inevitable bloody battled for independence. Barren eyed vengeance passed for benevolence. The poverty in his soul only exacerbated the waking nightmare that was his existence. Tattered skin that bared marks of death made the best of them cower under his rule.

But not Tiakan, who died protecting Drea. 

King T’Challa allowed their remains to be buried within the halls of the Kings as they served their people at great cost. The irony of resisting an outsider, by once declared outsiders was not lost on Awenha.

She could smell the heavy fragrance of burned heart-shaped herb float up from the bowels of the tower. She sat planted on the ground facing the marker of their graves. Unshed tears collected and then fell down her cheeks. The flame flickered up from shiny new torches and danced in the dark. Through the shadows that twisted she saw a figure approach. In one motion Awenha wiped the tears from her face and welcomed the visitor.

“They will not be forgotten.” King T’Challa’s controlled and unruffled political tone was absent as he spoke. He moved toward her from the darkness of the crypt. She noticed his ceremonial robes fit for a funeral, though he seemed to drop most of his public persona as he casually waved. Awenha lowered and raised her head slightly, her eyes dropping to the ground until finally settling back upon their graves.

T’Challa sat near resting his arms upon the top of his knees. She felt the burden of his gaze and turned to him with watery eyes.

“You were always their focus, Awenha. Parents have a very humorous way of expressing their pride in their children. Some choose to hold on to secrets. Others give their children free reign to discover the world as it is.”

Awenha remained silent. His normally stoic expression cracked into sadness. The mask of duty slipping in front of her a memory surfaced of a boy who hung on his father’s every word. How he must have felt at the discovery, she wondered. To see the fruition of such an unspeakable mistake by the person you cherished.

“I will not order you to continue your father’s work. But I will hope instead, that the tradition can only be accepted if you truly want it.”

In the past she was always thinking of a way out. Five years away from Wakanda, felt like freedom. The ability to casually wander the world was treasured. But the world had bit back. She returned home to Drea, who loved Wakanda, and so now she loved it. Even when the tribe elders glared, or heard the hushed whispers as they passed. It all seemed trivial now. She could take it.

“T’Challa, the agreement between Titanis and the Golden Tribe will remain intact.”

She turned back in reverence at the graves, a small contemplative smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.

“I wonder how many people have open agreements with Eternals.”

“With one Eternal.” Awenha corrected. “I’m third generation, cousin. I hardly count as an immortal being, T’Challa. See where my father rests? He’s not coming back. ”

A part of her wished it was not true. But she had never heard stories, family histories, or anything really other than the possibilities of power spoken between the three of them. She was cut off from ever knowing the truth of the past, the command that comes with wisdom eluded any semblance of an answer. 

The King shifted his weight and crossed his legs in front of him. “I have you been contacted by N’Juri?”

Awenha shook her head and grim expression crossed her face as she became lost in thought. N’Juri, her beloved grandmother had been silent for more than twenty years. In her mind, she could not rectify a mother’s absence to the fate of her son. She felt the well of anger in her belly spike. They had been alone since N’Juri left. Scattering only vague directions to continue to explore, grow in their power, and resist leadership roles. What power? Awenha scoffed to herself. For nearly her entire life she believed that N’Juri’s wisdom was the embodiment of maternal love. But as she sat at the plots of Earth, the feeling the contempt eroded any admiration she held. The woman never conveyed anything that Awenha would consider of importance. What good is Eternal genes if you still end up dead? She thought as reality ebbed at the illusion.

“N’Juri is with Titanis now.” She managed to say between pursed lips.

“We are still your family, Awenha.” He spoke proudly as he rubbed her shoulder gently.

And it was the truth; she knew it was true even in the face of these events. The Golden Tribe had always accepted their small family no matter how far removed from the last King they descended. Their alien qualities were scorned by many who were outraged. And because of their presence others who sought refuge in Wakanda were never offered sanctuary. The method was weak. The approach though reasonable to Wakandans only returned full circle and her family paid the price. At least, she thought woefully, her pain was shared this time for many Wakandans had suffered as well.

“So.” He interrupted her thoughts as he spoke and dropped his hand from her shoulder.

Awenha turned to him, hollow eyes watching him intently. T’Challa’s face was turned at the graves of her parents but his dark eyes slide to meet her gaze.

“What are we to do with Sergeant Barnes?” 

“Did Shuri tell you?” Awenha asked patiently.

“She told me what I needed to know. That is another reason why I am here with you now. I am sorry I have not come to you sooner.”

“I have sat with this long enough.” Her words breathed out in relief. “His actions were not his own. I have accepted it. Absolution may not be for everyone but it is enough for me.”

One weight lifted from her spirit while another sat waiting for another day. The sentiment of anger connected with mentioning the soldier had dissipated. She was finally glad that the hysterical sorrow that had lived in her had departed. Though now replaced with grief, she was at least content that her dreams could be free of him, hopefully. 

“Fulfill your promise to Rogers.” She spoke. “Sergeant Barnes deserves to live life.”

* * *

The Merchant Tribe lands of Wakanda were renowned. Pious vast mountains reached for the sky in the distance, a fathomless deep lake pooled in fertile plains lay surrounded by tall forests. Sergeant Barnes awoke within a thatched roof hut made of mud. The faces of young children with yellow and white paint around their eyes poked at his chest. Whispering to each other back and forth and giggling above him Sergeant Barnes opened his eyes. The children jumped in fright and giggles as they ran out of the hut.

He sat up feeling fully recovered from his mat and looked around his room. Nothing much had changed from the previous day; the same group of kids would follow him around when he left for food. Sometimes he would stand by the river and finally for the first time in years simply could think without the torment of not remembering.

His memories flowed to his consciousness as he thought on them. The fact that he could remember his mother’s face brought joy back to his life even in the moments of his the darkest recollections.

Sergeant Barnes’ got to his feet as he felt the dirt of the land underneath him and adjusted the front of his garment. The light of the morning sun in Wakanda was a real beauty. Anywhere he found himself was met with warmth and fresh air. He looked around the four other huts near him. The children gathered around a slender woman in a white jacket. They giggled harder as he approached then with one last look from the children they ran back to their homes.

“Good morning Sergeant Barnes’.” Shuri said with a warm smile.

She had been in his mind, helped him to erase what HYDRA had put in his head. Formality was for the rigid, and he felt anything other than stuck in tradition.

“Bucky.”

Understanding the dropping of regulated names she nodded thoughtfully.

“How are you feeling this morning?”

“Good.”A near undetectable smile shifted his expression but hung in shiny eyes as he stared at her. “Thank you.” His tone was softer than before but heavy with appreciation.

Her eyes brightened at his response a big toothless grin appeared and a mellow chuckled escaped her lips.

“Come.” she patted him on the chest playfully as she walked away. “There is much more for you to learn.”

* * *

Shuri pushed the release button on the pad she held, the snake motion of the wires attached to Bucky’s stub slid back into the diagnostic portal.

“What’d you think doc?” He asked with a playful light smile across pink lips.

“It’s working perfectly, of course. I just wanted to make sure your nervous system was accepting the interface panel.”

Shuri pushed long thin braids over her shoulder as she sat the pad down and sat astutely in the stool before the station. Bucky watched her movements amazed with her quick stroking of the screen. Her eyes analyzed the report as she pushed and slid to the next screen.

While she preened over the read out that popped up red on the screen Bucky eyes went to the floor. He wondered what the day held of course, but more so if there was a chance of seeing the woman from his dream.

He definitely remembered the curly mass of hair around an oval face and those tender brown eyes. But disappointment stayed with him when he realized the sound of her voice was fading.

“So.” Shuri said suddenly bring Bucky out of his reverie he looked back at her.

Shuri swung around on the stool her arms crossed with a single booted foot pushing her body left to right as she watched him. Bucky’s hair hung long around his face, icy blue eyes considered her as his thumb rubbed the first and third finger.

“What about your memories? Do you remember your life before what this organization did to you?”

Bucky’s eyes fell to the right his brows pinched in thought. He pushed by the thoughts of the woman in his dream to a time before his draft. Steve was standing at his door step rain drenched rat looking fellow with an amused look on his face. He had made ten bucks on a bet that Gordie Stewart couldn’t ride the trunk of a taxi longer than ten minutes. The dumb-ass busted his face on the pavement after two.

A smile formed on his face at the memory before looking back at Shuri.

“I do.”

Shuri returned his smile in kind.

“But I have this memory from the last time I was activated.” Bucky started but hesitated when he considered the young scientist’s age. “I attacked a woman in Berlin. I think I saw her here, when I was sleeping. I think.”

Shuri sat forward listening to the man her brows arching in shock as he continued.

“Is that possible…” Bucky shook his head with weathering grin to his sanity as he reconsidered what he was saying. Maybe it was just a figment or perhaps a shadow of what was left of his innocence.

“You see this woman in your dreams currently?”

Shuri stood with her bright eyes trained on Bucky’s confused expression. With a lost gaze he looked to her once before lowering them his fingers.

“I saw her last night.” A slight scoff escaped his lips. “But the memory or whatever it is, it’s becoming less clear.”

Even now as he pulled up the color of her skin it seemed less alive than the last. Bucky struggled to hold on to the last frame of her smile as even in this very moment the surrounding she stood in disappeared.

“She is real.”

Bucky perked up his eyes his expression brightening with hope. Shuri chuckled as she pulled the stool closer to the bed and sat back down.

“She lives here. But-But-!” She waved her hands as he started to speak. “She needs time and space. Otherwise she would have been one of the first faces you saw when you awoke.”

His face fell as hope drained from him before Shuri’s imploring eyes.

“Focus on your healing Bucky. She is doing the same. In time I think you will see her again, and not just in your dreams.”

* * *

_He focused on the drop of water on the floor instead of the sensation. The mission was to inflict damage physically and mentally through means determined by programming. In a damaged society women find loss of security to be the most paramount risk. Taking it away would be enough to warn off any other attempts at her subterfuge._

_He could smell her hot skin as his blank eyes moved to watch her. The water from her face flung as she shook her head. She cried out when he forced it the sound threatened to halt his advances within so he shut her mouth._

_Bucky floated somewhere in between here and then as he looked out his own eyes helpless to stop it. His body felt the rush of gratification, his body wanted the release, and it was his body that wanted it to last longer. A thick film of lust covered and mixed with his waking mind. He didn't want it to end._

_Bucky screamed but nothing was heard as he stood above her. Another scared woman he had successfully threatened. Though the method was new the effect worked._

_The ringing, the god damned ringing, high pitched and deafeningly resounding shot through his brain. He was in the lock box room again the strike team watched Pierce watch him. Then another place green with trees busted into focus it was Steve laying on the ground covered in bruises. Passed the man lying unconscious the sound of water dripping from his hair hit his arm._

_Then he was back, staring at the drop of water on the concrete floor. It wasn’t just water he thought with horror, it was tears_.

Bucky shot up from his bed, sweat casting a slick sheen across his naked chest as he heaved in large batches of air. He slumped back down as a wail of sorrow moaned through the hut, tears poured from him as he lay wracked with emotion. The smell and feeling of her skin lingered on his senses, the ache of release stayed with him even as he willed it away. The taught muscles of his back flexed and receded with each eruption of new tears.

He hurt her. The woman from his dream and the woman from the JCT were one in the same. Guilt turned to pain as he tried to catch his breath. His hut made of mud was cool though warm air breezed through the cloth door. He made his attention focus on the smell of the grass and nearby lake. His breathing slowed, tears sporadically traced down his face into a ruffled beard. With a rough hand he wiped at them quickening the drying.

He pressed his eyes shut willing the image of her from the darkness of his mind.

“Please pull me from the dark.” He spoke to the night.

Like a cool refreshing gust of wind over a hot face he could see her standing there. Satiating the empty feeling that shame had carved out. Full lips parted into a smile that took his breath away, long black curly hair moved as if in water, surrounded by a blurry white radiance. She looked like an angel, he thought. Infinite and perfect to him, with shades of colors he never saw before as she watched him in return.

Bucky was starving, but not for food. But for the moment that never happened. He wondered if he was asking for too much. The old dreams of young adulthood, those minor pursuits and wants were lost to him now. He wanted her. The woman, who had touched his broken mind and did not shrink back from the challenge even when she knew his identity. And she was real, not this blurry image he kept dragging back up. 

He tried to recall the images their sharing of history. The fast colors that surged through him focused as she unreservedly opened up herself. An invitation, he thought. A sweet, delicious peek into the person who called to his inner indecisiveness. The fear and hesitation within him moved out of the way for her. And he felt a bit peace with who he was and what he had done.

But in those memories shared he saw the woman without the angelic façade. She was human and her fallibility was matched by her willingness to over come conflict. He got to know her in those fleeting moments, the real woman. He would not stop himself from wondering about her safety, if she was happier now or if she too had dreams that plagued her sleep. He had set his sights on her along time ago. He had decided to let the fear of obsession fall away. And now that he knew she was real. He felt the pull to be closer to her more than ever. She was the person he desperately wanted to be in his life. Someone who understood that the monster was forced on him. That the part of him she touched was good, though twisted. He had to believe he was more than what happened to him, despite how the trauma manifested. And he had to believe that this connection wasn't one sided.

Bucky drank from the memory greedily while urgently needing to feel some of what she had. It made him feel alive and hopeful for now, but it was getting harder to retain the powerful feeling of her. He wanted more than what his mind could offer. 

But he would have to settle for a fading recollection, for now.


	7. D'Tri's

  
Bucky adjusted the shoulder scarf covering his stump as he squatted down to the black earth beneath his feet. With purposeful movements he reached down with a rough hand to scoop up the dirt then let it fall between his fingers. His near gray eyes in the orange setting sun looked up at the plain in front of him. Rows and columns of thin stalked budding plants bustled gently in the wind. He’d never seen a more beautiful field of wheat. Wakanda was beautiful he decided, different than the world outside he couldn’t believe this Garden of Eden was this pristine. A city man at heart he didn’t miss the sounds of traffic, people yelling, or the smell of a well worn metropolis.

Bucky stood and cast his eyes on the capitol behind the field in the distance of these fertile farmlands. Somewhere in there, the thought gladly, she was in there.

“Do you enjoy the work with the goats?” Shuri giggled as she could hear the bleating in the distance.

Bucky’s eyes turned toward the young woman dressed in a fashion he’s never conceived could exist with a grin of his own.

“Ya, it’s quiet for the most part. I only do a few things, I go to work and then I go back to the hut. I’m grateful for the change.”

She accepted his answer with a nod as she gestured for him to join her in the vehicle.

Bucky sat comfortable against the seat as he quietly observed Shuri’s fast paced driving skills. He wasn’t bothered by her speeding over hills or swerving around groups of trees, he enjoyed the wind in his face and the warm sun as it set.

“What about your dream woman?” She called over the roar of the wind.

Bucky’s brows lifted as he turned his head toward her. She looked at him with a beaming smile, a snicker left her lips as she continued to drive.

“I still see her.” He said as she curved a path around a group of antelope. “You said she was here in Wakanda. You worked with her on my treatment. What’s her name?”

The vehicle slowed as Shuri pulled through the pillars signaling the area of the city they entered.

“I know who she is Bucky. I saw her yesterday!”

Bucky was shocked at her off-handed reply and took advantage of her admission.

“Who is she?” He asked candidly Shuri noted his tone was from a place of sincerity.

“She is a scientist.”

Shuri said playfully but Bucky acknowledged that perhaps the woman still did not want to be known by him. A miserable guilt took over the encouraging subject and he decided not to speak anymore on it.

* * *

Wakanda street life was different. Bucky sniffed the air it smelled clean and felt the freshness of clean breeze on his skin. Their city was vibrant, alive and naturally flowed from street to building. That blasted color and technology on to every part of the buildings, clothes, and nature. There wasn’t the dingy mess of Bucharest’s shadier parts. Hell, it even smelled better than Brooklyn in summer. Where street workers and young men hooked on heroin frequented the dark neglected borough. Garbage piled to the sky on yet another union strike due to inequality and employment shortages. On its best day the city smelled of bodies, just breathe, dirty skin mixed together with middle-class struggle. But it had been his home, as he remembered, and it was humble in its pure expression of a worn-in working city.

This place though, even the streets were kept even if they were just dirt. There wasn’t a straggling beer can or old newspaper to be found. Bucky got the impression the country respect their environment. They lived in it and with it as it changed. He was beginning to like it here. To stretch out, maybe get comfortable for a minute. Maybe get back some of the security his missed in just taking a simple stroll.

At least he got that cup of coffee he had been thinking about. Wandering around the market area that was covered in different kinds of foods he’d never tried, fruit stalls, and drink vendors. And as he took a quick sip of the jet black liquid under the cool shade of a canopy he searched for her face.

In between invading thoughts of death, that reminded him that life was fragile, he focused on his surroundings. The councilor had said to pick five objects that he saw right then. He counted to five as he spotted a book, cup, chair, sign, and a napkin. It kept his mind in the present when the scene in front of him blurred into murder and blood. The zoning out had become less after he awoke. The dizzying cycle of trauma was taking its toll but he continued the battle to figure himself out.

But it was the grief that was eating at him lately. The memories of the last fifty years of mayhem at his trigger metal hand did not make for pleasant causal reminiscing. Some days he could almost see his mind as a speeding train, destination nowhere hot iron striking the track and gathering speed. And he just wanted to crash himself into something forgiving. Or someone who was forgiving.

After a long work day with the goats he tended to, Bucky walked. Sometimes it was until well after midnight. He felt it lifted the veil of heavy thoughts if he could just walk it off. Those disjointed and rickety shapes of people killed would haunt him and he would remind himself that it was out of his control. It helped. But not as much as the faded memories he shared with the woman.

She was fast becoming the base thought he returned to. Though careful not to put her on a pedestal, life seemed fluid after all. But it did not slow his efforts to search for her. If she suddenly appeared here out in the world, Bucky thought perhaps he would only watch her. He just wanted to see her again, though. Part of him recognized in her the cowered fright of those who didn’t want to be found. And in him, the hunter trained to seek out for his target had not dulled in any way.

The thrill of chase surged as he scanned those who passed him in the street.

As he stalked the street an image of her came into his mind. Different and forbidden but cherished when he considered the alternative. She was staring at him through desperate eyes, holding her breath as he forced a kiss. He possessed her body and soul. Her staunch resistance against him only spurns the feeling on. The act of control sends him reeling to the end.

He hates that he returns to that memory time and time again.

And he hates himself that it turned him on. Feelings of disgust and shame plummet blood from his brain to his body instantly making his palm sweat. He stops just outside of the city. In the distance the last rays of the day dip below the forest. He stares at the shadows that creep along a path toward darkness. This too he will have to account for, he thought as he pushed his white knuckled hand into his pocket.

She was in his head and in his heart. His inhibitions were being slowly chipped away. The moral compass that he was painstakingly resolving just seemed to reshape its self into something appalling. He had nothing to lose and saw little to be gained by sticking close to traditional desires. It should feel wrong to him, he thought. Any yet, a deep hunger to see her seek safety within him fed the craving. The adrenaline rushed through him at the off chance she too might want it. But it didn’t last long.

He had yet to see her in Wakanda. She had hid from him. That meant she feared him. Bucky never wanted to see her scared of him like that again.

* * *

“D’Tri’s has the BEST purple cabbage wraps around!”

Shuri’s voiced carried no matter her surroundings. A packed cantina market was no different to the young woman as she took a huge bite of her wrap. Bucky’s amused smile spread easily across his face as he watched her. With the only hand he had left he grasped it and took an equally large bite. He nodded his head and grinned as he chewed.

Awenha had been watching them for a few seconds after she picked up her own take-away. She had spent the last few weeks avoiding Shuri’s usual favorite spots. But moving to a little home outside the city had made it easy though. She would have been home today if the feeling inside her hadn’t returned. A hallowed sickness whittled away at her appetite. These days it felt better to stay in work from home while she muddled through. The hushed insecure whispers of sadness kept her in the darkness. And some days it was an achievement if she managed to clean up after herself. Today she got dressed and ventured out to pick up D’Tri’s fragrant broth.

Her dark almond shaped eyes focused on Sergeant Barnes’. He resembled the image from the dream world now. There was such a difference in his poise and appearance than the man who attacked her. Of course there was, Awenha reminded herself as she stared at him. Gone was the dull stare of detached ruthlessness. Sun kissed skin attracted the light that flooded around them under the awning. The wind moved his long hair from his face as she took a step forward.

“Wenha!” Shuri shrieked so loud that Awenha nearly dropped her container in surprise. Her eyes shifted quickly to her cousin. She tried to appear as though she wasn’t caught watching them so she shifted the container to her other hand. Awenha took a step as to leave and casually waved at her.

“Where you going?" Shuri yelled. Awenha pinched her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "Come over here cousin.” She called.

Awenha turned back, inquisitiveness taking over as she smiled and approached the table. His back was half facing toward her as she walked to them. He did not look toward her; instead she quickly took in that he was still managing another bite of his food before grabbing a cloth napkin. She stood next to him at the table and took the seat Shuri had pulled up for her in one motion from the table next to them.

Awenha sat stiffly, her eyes trained at the street just behind Shuri. She took a deep breath before looking at Shuri whose gaze was both comforting and accepting. There were no words between them as Shuri’s eyes looked in the direction of Sergeant Barnes’. Awenha saw her eyes widen slightly as though responding to an expression from him and she shifted her eyes back to Awenha. It all seemed to happen in a matter of seconds but felt like an eternity.

Her eyes moved from Shuri’s face then to a woven basket full of flat bread in the center of the small table, she lingered there and blinked before she looked at him. His eyes, the breath caught in her throat, were wide with recognition as they roamed her face. She watched as blue eyes come alive as he studied her features. His gaze softened as he returned his focused to her eyes.

“I know you.”

She had been afraid that his reaction would be aggression the first time she saw him. But his expression both calmed and soothed the agitation away. She saw only happy recognition from his fixed stare. And she smiled at him, big and authentic. The action had him easily returning the smile.

“Sergeant Barnes it is good to finally meet you.”

She held her hand out to shake his hand. The memory from the dream world of this moment flashed through his mind a second before he held her hand.

She reminded herself that his touch was different now as her heart raced. They slowly shook and the only thing she focused on was how his hand felt.

“My name is Awenha; but if you prefer you may call me Wenha.”

He nodded and looked to their hands as he noted she let go first.

“My name is Bucky.”

She grinned as he offered up his nickname to her. The seconds between them as they each sat looking at one another were not awkward, but felt well warn and comfortable.

“Well I am going back to the lab.” Shuri said hastily as she gathered a wrap into a napkin. Awenha looked back at her, full lips parted in a silent gasp her eyes darting about at her cousin’s motions. “But-“ She began but was quickly cut off.

“No, I’ve got that huge project to look after. I have to code, talk to my mother, and feed my fish.” She pointed at Bucky partially flinging some bits of herbs from her food on the table.

“Bucky, we will catch up later. Don’t worry you are in great hands!”

She turned and stepped on to the street leaving a trail of purple lettuce and dust in her wake.

Awenha rolled her head back to Bucky; he was leaned toward her slightly with an elbow on the arm of the wooden chair as he nibbled the nail on his finger. He seemed lost in thought as he stared at her; his expression rather probing while his eyes seemed warm and inviting.

“Were you on your way to another place?” he asked as he dropped his hand to the table and picked at the cloth. “You don’t have a plate just this.” He slightly gestured to her container. 

“I was going home with the broth.” She grabbed it. “Do you want to walk with me?” Her shrug was trivial as to signal that she was unsure he was up for it.

“Yes.” He said promptly as he stood and touched the container in her hands. He didn’t smile, but the emotion landed around his eyes as she looked up at him from her chair.

“Let me.” He asked.

She released it then swung her leg around the chair to stand directly in front of him. Awenha felt sudden flush of heat as her darted eyes to the container.

“Thank you.” She added as she turned to walk away and he followed.

The main street in this section of town was full of people walking toward them and up from behind them. Bucky watched her thin sleeveless green shirt whip up in her wake. Every few steps he would catch in the wind the alluring scent of chocolate from her hair. It bounced with every step and swung curls around which she would pull down from her face.

Her skin glowed and shimmered with sweat. Beautiful brown skin girl, he thought, as he caught a glimpse of the skin of her back. The sounds of drums thumping and singing would catch her attention every time. She’s always loved music, he thought off handed, but grew quickly aware that he shouldn’t have known that. He let the concern go. His mind drank in everything inch of her body as he walked behind her. She was here, in front of him, and all he could think about is when would be the next time he could be near her again.

Ten minutes passed of them walking, she led them from the busy street to a side street where the people thinned out considerably. Bucky immediately fell naturally in step beside her. His eyes turned to her; she was looking up at the hanging plants that dotted the windows of the apartment buildings. The afternoon sun shone golden upon her teak colored skin. Bucky stared further and spotted a few freckles up her left arm and still a few more that marked her neck and cheek.

“How have you been, since?” He swallowed hard before continuing. “Since Berlin.”

Awenha paused in her step; she was surprised by his impromptu question and turned toward him. She needed to see his face. 

The sun above the pair highlighted the dampness on his forehead. His bottom lip was full but twitched as he pulled it in with his teeth nervously. Bucky’s eyes regarded her coolly against the heat of the sun. Dark chestnut colored hair surrounded an expression that was neither antagonistic nor aggressive though she felt that Bucky was not asking to provoke. Her eyes lingered for another minute on his face before answering.

“It wasn’t easy.” Awenha said bluntly, Bucky’s eyes drop to the ground. Guilt settled in his shoulders as he shifted his weight and looked away from her. He stared at the road in front of them as his brows creased.

“After the death of my parents, I forgave you. I had to; in order to let the anger go the resentment had to go too. But after Berlin, I would dream about it at night, and then when I was awake, it would haunt my days. I would dream about you.”

This time it was her turn to shift her eyes to another target as he looked back at her. Awenha instantly regretted that confession. She could feel the heat of shame pool in her chest.

“More so after we met in the device.” She murmured.

“Sorry to hear about your parents. Shuri told me – well sort of. She said the woman who helped in my treatment was experiencing a great loss.”

Daring to return to his gaze she looked back at him. His earnest words were mixed with the kind tight jawed nod toward her.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

His eyes lightened as she said his name. 

“You were in my dreams too.” His voice was so quiet that she had to look at his lips to make sure she was correct in what she heard.

“Every night.” He shook his head as though he was regretting confessing too. “I see your face; sometimes I can hear your voice.”He continued.

Awenha immediately felt burning on the skin on her chest and taper up to her cheeks.

“I think the device might have had an unexpected affect.” She thought quickly. “Maybe because of our previous history it made the probability stronger that we would have this type of reaction.”

Bucky nodded but then shook his head slightly as he spoke.

“That explains why I see you.”

And he stepped closer to her as to make sure only she could hear what he whispered.

“It doesn’t explain the way I feel.”

Awenha’s stomach twisted nervously in his proximity.

“I think I understand.” She said quietly.

He admired the orange-pink blush spreading up her neck to her cheeks.

Her eyes dropped from his and looked to the container he was holding. In a smooth motion she half -heartedly grinned and tapped the top of it before clasping her hands behind her back.

“Are you still going to walk me home?”

Bucky’s gaze was light, as he stared at her, cool and steady. Awenha felt the sensation of falling as she looked into his eyes. Bright and intense they silently asked of her. She had never experienced anything like it before.

“After you.”

Bucky had been true to his word and walked her home. Though they continued in silence each stole glances at one another as they walked. Their thoughts rested upon each other in those moments. The pair of them had both been labeled outcasts at one point or another in their lives. Not because Bucky was some sort of runaway hipster or because she was distracted by stimulates as the gossip of Wakanda liked to add. They were outcasts because they needed safety that sanctuary offered from the people of the world.

To move around, find themselves, and discover that perhaps they weren’t as lost or different as they thought.

Bucky tended to put his faith in but a few things. That people will survive at all costs, the illusions that society holds on don’t mean shit, and people can change.

And as he walked near Awenha, watching her mannerism taking in everything about her, he couldn’t help but think how she changed. Given the first time he met her wasn’t ideal. But through the shared memories of her past and how she reacted to seeing him, he saw it. Like him, the shiny idealism had polished away; she was another person now, who was shifting under long held beliefs to formulate their own.

He enjoyed her company. The thin solid line of her resolute emotions was calming to him. Her presence pacified the frenzied thoughts of the last few weeks.

They walked up to the stick fence of a large sized mud brick home. Opening the gate with a click she padded across the brown and green grass. Subconsciously she looked to the ground on her right catching him in the peripheral of her vision. Bucky’s eyes shifted from Awenha’s back to the shape of her home, to also the seemingly eternal green colors of the vegetation growing over the fence and up the walls.

His senses were at peace in his surroundings, Bucky breathed in deeply the moist fragrance of flowers, grass, and the low hanging trees. He saw Awenha duck underneath a few thin vines twisted around a small limb. Bucky let the leaves fall over his face.

The trip from gate to her homes entry way was quicker traveled than he would have liked. And found himself also not liking that he feared it was the end of their meeting. But to his surprise she walked into her home and turned to him beckoning him to follow.

“Please, sit it on the counter.”

He observed her home. It was brightly decorated in patterns he was rapidly becoming familiar to seeing. His eyes spotted a big collection of cushions on the floor, some of them were on top of raised wooden feet; the curtains blew in the wind around large rectangle window. The cooking area was very close in proximity to the sitting space but appeared that each room was merely places to gather. It didn’t feel very personal. He checked the walls and only found a few art pieces but no images of family.

Bucky stopped short just within a foot of an island counter. His eyes trained on a flat surface across from him where a stove might sit.

“What’s that?” he asked while motioning with the container toward the surface.

Awenha came up behind him smiling slightly as she took the container from his hand. She walked around the counter toward the kitchen nook to stand beside the appliance he was looking at.

“Most Wakandan homes prefer the wood way of cooking.”

Bucky thought it did look like a stove top however there were no burners. She poured the broth into a small clay cup and sat it on the surface. The flat white top had a screen of its own as the tiles of directions emerged. He watched her press a few and waited. After a few seconds he saw steam rise from the cup.

“I prefer wavelengths.” She grabbed the cup and turned to him holding it as she leaned against the appliance.

“It cooks what’s targeted for the most part if you tell it to while keeping the container cool to the touch.”

“The world has changed so much.” He shook his head in amazement. “I still remember when corn dogs were new.”

Awenha grinned as she put the cup to her lips, blew silently before taking a long sip.

“I always preferred York peppermint patties myself.” She said as she took the cup from her mouth and blew on it once again.

He smiled at her kindly but his eyes betrayed the restlessness in his stance. “You like your sweets.”

Awenha’s eyes traced back up to his but he looked away. Bucky plunged his hand into his pocket; his face was ruddy as he lowered his head to the floor.

Blue eyes studied the floor for a moment before slowly lifting back up to her face. She could see his tongue underneath his lips roll over his front teeth. Bucky moved forward around the counter, step by step he slowly closed the space between them. The lines around his eyes swooped up around the corners softening the gaze he had on her.

Awenha sat the cup behind her as she watched him approach. Her breathing came shallower now sweat began to form under her breasts as his closed in. And she thought of retreat as he loomed but inexplicable curiosity rooted her to the spot. He cornered her between his body and the counter a rough hand reached out to caress the skin of her neck. Like a column of smooth brown alabaster he relished in the warm silkiness of her skin as he touched her.

The aching in his eyes defeated her defenses and she found devotion in his careful touch.

“I know this is strange.” He began, his thumb crossed under her chin to cover her throat nudging her face up to him. He could feel Awenha slowly giving in to him. “I don’t even know if you want me near…”

His voice came out thick and deep rolling over Awenha’s ears and sending a shudder where he touched her. There was want and a desperate silent longing in his tone that made her feel dizzy. Long lashes fluttered as she struggled to focus. Her heart felt like it was going to beat of out her chest. 

The push and tug struggle of her thoughts sent her reeling straight toward his attention.

“I do want you near.” She said faintly. 

Bucky’s eyes widened at her confession his expression bordering on pleasure and shock. He watched her focus dart from his eyes to his mouth. He felt the pulse point in her neck beat hard.

“I just don’t want to be wrong.” A frayed whispered escaped her lips.

Bucky’s hand slid around to the back of her neck pulling her body into his before wrapping it around her shoulder hugging her close. The bristle of his beard erected goose bumps along her temple as his hot skin pressed against her.

Bucky sighed, satisfied when Awenha did not flinch. He felt her chest rise and fall slowly as she took deep breathes. The heat of her mouth on his shoulder answered the question of whether or not he would ever feel her again. Part of him was still needy, greedy even in touching her. His long fingers nudged and pressed her creating hot friction under his touch.

Awenha breathed in deeply. His chest pressed hard against her the heat of his body radiated through his shirt. The heat rose from him filling her nose with the smell of the sweet spicing mix of the market, and the sweat of the day.

Her head tilted into the crux of his neck and shoulder placing her cheek there. Her eyes wavered in pure sensory delight at the feeling of him around her. Heat from his chest rose to her neck, his beard now longer was soft against the bridge of her nose. His fingers rubbed delicate motions between her shoulder blades. Bucky felt comfortable, she thought, wonderfully comfortable as the feeling of swooning smiling twisted her insides.

The thought entered her mind and quickly left as the urge to embrace him took over.

Her hands at first halted mid-air eager long fingers danced slowly in the air with anticipation. The uncertainty was pushed aside as she touched his ribs palms open moving them over his hard body to his back. She held him just as close, just as tightly. The vibration of a deep whimper from him was near undetectable to hear unless touching. She sighed after he did and in that Awenha knew he had needed this as much as she did.

Bucky rested his jaw and cheek against her temple.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to you.” He breathed out into her ear. The sensation sent vibrating tingles down her back.

Awenha lifted her head up to meet his eyes, captivated in all his roguish glory.

“It wasn’t you.” A tight voice caught in her throat. Bucky’s blue eyes were murky as he licked his bottom lip before pulling it in his mouth. Dark hair spilled to the sides of his face. Too close than they should have been for a hug, he stared at her mouth.

His hand glided up her spine intensifying the ripples of energy under her skin. A rough hand lingered at the base of her neck kneading gently. That old feeling of possessiveness swirled around in his head as he considered her lips. He tapered back the fight of stealing the kiss he dreamed about. It was enough, for now, to feel her like this. He washed down the image of her wanton gaze and the feel of her hot skin against him into his mind.

He could live on this moment for weeks without any regret on his part. His thumb moved over the supple skin of her lips. He half wondered what would be the big deal if he kissed her. Take her right here, fucking right now, and not be the worse for it. But she didn’t know yet. She wasn’t very aware that she now belonged to him, body and soul. He would fit like a glove, he thought, as his mind began to churn on the possibilities of the moment she finally accepted him completely. And that moment, Bucky sucked in a breath as he stroked the soft skin of her chin, would make for a satisfying day.

Bucky took a tentative step back; his eyes still dark with desire as he observed a bashful smile linger on her lips.

Bucky chuckled lightly seeing the delight in her eyes. Perhaps he wouldn’t have to wait long.

+


	8. The view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit fluffy.

“So you’re just not going to talk about it?” Yuki shrugged hard her thick top lip curled at the point of her question. Awenha gestured for the driver near her with a flick of her wrist.

Short thin fingers gripped the tool and tossed it at Awenha.

“Thanks.”

Awenha twisted in the last of the screws on the panel.

“He’s the only pale face in his whole country and he’s been seen with you. Exclusively.”

“It’s not what you think, Yuki.”

Awenha picked up the control pad as she focused her attention on a large, rounded vibranium sphere suspended mid-air. The sound of popping and hissing began to rattle the floor under them.

“What is that I think?” She asked coolly. Awenha could see her out the corner of her eye watching her intently.

Ten years of friendship doled out within a series of very long extended stays away from Wakanda and Yuki was just as ever the nosiest person she had ever met. The pop turned into a swooshing as she adjusted her calculations in real time. And Yuki tapped her on the shoulder.

“I knew him from Europe.” It wasn’t a lie but she continued to watch the fluctuations.

“He’s the Winter Soldier, Awenha. Bast, you do know that we get the news here, right?”

Awenha turned to Yuki, her expression slowing giving way to shock.

“I swear, you act like the rest of us are as disconnected as you are.” Yuki shook her head, the twist of braids along her crown flopping in her exasperation.

“What! What do you want to know then?” Awenha pushed back from her stool sliding the control pad on a nearby desk.

“His name is Bucky.” Awenha began witnessing the smirk forming on Yuki’s fine features. “He was brainwashed by Hydra to do their dirty work.”

“No. I want the juicy bits. Stop hiding!” said Yuki.

“Ah,” Awenha rubbed her eyes as she winced at her friend’s insinuation. “God. Now see, there isn’t anything to talk about.”

Yuki eyes narrowed into daggers as she looked up at her.

“You are such a bad liar Awenha Tiakan. You might like to use this clutter on other people. Pretending and putting on a show to deflect, but it doesn’t work on me, friend.”

Yuki tilted her head, a smug smile followed as Awenha rolled her eyes. Untactful as ever and brazen in her delivery Yuki had a point.

“And the fact you are resisting me now basically tells me everything I need to know. I just want to hear you say it.” said Yuki, hotly.

Awenha scoffed and bit back a laugh as she rose from the stool. She turned from her and leaned against the desk letting the now smooth hum of the machine focus her attention.

“You were in his mind! And he was in your mind.” said Yuki who took a small step closer, bumping their arms together as she leaned back too.

“There’s too much to figure out.” Awenha whispered.

Yuki tugged on the curly stragglers at the back of Awenha’s bun.

“Talk. I listen. Remember?” whispered Yuki.

Awenha hung her head back, it laid heavy like all the weight of the world was sitting on it.

“He’s wonderful.” She said remorsefully, the corner of her dark eyes looked at Yuki sadly.

She brought her head back down with a shake. Yuki bumped against her, and then leaned over to look at Awenha.

“Then what’s the problem? Is it the scrambled egg mind thing?” said Yuki with a growing amused grin.

Awenha locked eyes with Yuki. For a moment she thought to retort but let it go when Yuki smiled.

“Are you afraid he would…attack you again?” Yuki asked.

Awenha had thought about that in the first days after he awoke. If, by chance, he crossed her path would she have the strength to go through that again? She counted on the dream-world experience to shield her from the asset, make him remember who he was, and it worked.

“No. No, of course not.” said Awenha.

“Then what?”

Awenha moved from the desk feeling suddenly overwhelmed with the chain of questioning.

“He’s intense. And that makes me feel intense.” said Awenha.

“Intense? As in…” said Yuki who began to make a ‘kissing’ face.

“We are not twelve, Yuki.” said Awenha who resisted rolling her eyes, nearly.

“Oh! As in smoldering eyes, molten sex-“

“Stop!” barked Awenha.

Awenha laughed, a hard deep belly snicker and Yuki enjoyed the sight.

“Like you said, he saw my memories Yuki. In that state anything could have happened but he saw me. Like you see me.” said Awenha.

“Do you see him?” asked Yuki.

Awenha nodded and the longer she looked at Yuki the more watery her eyes became.

“Oh yes.” A lovely sad smile began on her lips. “And it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.”

“Then what is the problem?” asked Yuki who walked to Awenha and then wrapped her hands within her friends hands.

“The world thinks he’s a monster.” said Awenha.

“Do you think he’s this?” 

“Not at all.”

“Then who cares what they think, Awenha. You and Bucky are in this together, not the world, ya? So live, friend. Take the risk, trust in him, and see what comes back.”

Yuki wiped a tear from Awenha’s cheek then pinched it. Awenha swatted at her with a leering smile.

“What about this machine? Are you going to stay here all day? You said you were starving? When are we going for rolls?”

“Okay, okay..” Awenha walked over to the desk and grabbed the control pad. She could hear Yuki’s insistent bickering as she gathered her bag. But her friend’s voice bled into the background of her thoughts as Bucky pushed forward. 

The slow deep tone of his voice was in her head. Sometimes she thought his smelled lingered on her skin. And the way he looked at her stole the breath right out of her chest. Intense wasn’t the word for it, she thought, it was uncontrollable, reckless and explosive and it was quickly consuming her.

* * *

A dust covered terrain vehicle zoomed passed a heard of gazelles sending them into a frenzied gallop across the plain. Awenha ignored them as she focused on the mud hut in the distance that was quickly approaching. The hot July day was blazing, but not within where she sat, the air conditioning blasted over her face and body.

She gripped the steering wheel the skin of her knuckles lightened as it tightened. She took a deep breath before licking her lips then blew it out loud and obscenely. Awenha twisted her neck to each side as she let the anxiety drain out of her.

Her dark eyes glanced at the passenger seat filled with a large bag. She smirked.

Bucky was just a blurry figure walking near one of the fences as she parked the vehicle under a tree. And she was surprised to see him as she hopped out with the bag in her hand. He was wet with sweat around the collar of his dark blue tank top. His hair hung lanky around a bright red face. But his eyes were cheerful and didn’t hesitate to smile as he greeted her.

“Hey, doll.” Bucky’s voice was cool in the hot mid day sun and she felt the chill of his words send shivers along the side of her neck.

“Hey you.” Awenha laughed nervously. “I brought some treats for the goats.”

He immediately took the bag from her hands. A near undetectable pleasant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth at her consideration. Bucky’s eyes looked from the bag then back to her. 

“Anything for me?” He muttered under his breath as the bristles of his mustache rippled.

Awenha studied him for a moment before moving passed him toward the boot of the vehicle. He watched after her, noting the thick curve of her hips as she walked. Not wanting her to get too far out of his sight he followed.

Bucky laughed as he looked at the spread she brought. A blanket, with what he would consider a picnic basket but it was smooth and oval with a handle, and made out of metal. She lifted the lid and pointed.

“I brought you lunch.”

Bucky stepped back with an astonished expression settling in the arch of his eyebrows.

Insecure with her decision to come out here, treats and food in tow, she hesitated before putting the lid of the basket back down.

“Was..I just thought, perhaps a lunch would-“

Bucky looked back at her instantly sorry for his reactions as he stepped back up to her.

“No! I love it. Thank you. I was -. It was just unexpected.” Brightly he smiled back at her, his eyes dancing over her features as she began an unsteady smile in return.

They sat together on the red patterned blanket under the tree she parked near. The view; goats and a few keeper’s huts and in the distance through the trees, glimpses of shiny reflections from the lake. 

“And then I just took off! Ran like I would never run again. Steve was way ahead of me on his bike but I just wanted that donut so bad that I stayed there the longest.”

Bucky took a big bite off the flat bread slathered in beef and rice as he tried to continue.

“Did they catch you? The baker?” Awenha sat watching him with amazement. His face was so animated as he told the story, it was refreshing, alluring even.

He swallowed hard and still with a bit of food in his mouth he continued.

“Nooo! We made off with the pastries. I ate a dozen. But Steve felt so bad that he went back and paid for them in labor. He ended up dragging me along too.”

“So Captain America is pretty much as he seems?” Awenha chuckled.

“Basically.” Bucky took a swing of the cold water she brought. “But we all have a little darkness in us.” His eyes slid over her face. Awenha stared at him for several seconds before she blinked. Unsettled with his gaze she turned back to her food.

“You don’t have to do that.” he said with a smack of his lips.

Bucky took the plate from his lap and sat it on the blanket.

“Do what?” she asked. Her eyes were watching his movements as he rearranged the containers between them. In one move he crossed the space and sat to her left leaning on the arm he placed behind her.

He was close. Awenha’s breath immediately went shallow; she felt sweat began to form in the palms of her hands.

“Be afraid of me.” His brows dipped in the middle of his eyes as he spoke. The shape of his tongue stretched the skin underneath his bottom lip. He watched the sandstone blush in her skin spread from her chest to her cheeks. “I won’t hurt you, Awenha.” He whispered into her ear.

Blood rushed to her head as she looked toward him. Blue eyes relaxed as he observed her, but the flex in his jaw alluded that he was thinking otherwise.

Bucky leaned forward to bring his hand back up. Gently, he pushed back curly hair over her shoulder before returning to his previous position.

He was damn glad to see her skin. She gifted him with the sight of her in an off shoulder top, he thought as he took a moment to memorize the bare skin. He knew in his gut it was for him. And he happily took in the view. She still wasn’t saying anything, and he could blissfully see that she was taken by surprise.

“I’m not.” She said with a shaking pair of lips.

Awenha turned her head back to the goats, Bucky smiled and with one last glance at the line of her lips he followed.


	9. Festive People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil bit of fluffy sweetness never hurt anybody. It's the cavities you have to watch out for! :P

“He is a security risk General. But a low one.” T’Challa called across the room. He stepped away from the screen completing his study of reports. 

General Okoye, tall and valiant in red, stood alert near the balcony edge gauging his reactions.

“The man has had his mind washed.” She added to her list of attributes against him.

T’Challa’s sarcastic expression broke her stoic stance.

“His mind is not a dirty rag, General. Shuri has reported that the mental bondage used against him has been nullified. He’s no more a threat than a man off the street.”

T’Challa stopped in front of her pulling his hands behind his back as he waited for her inevitable response.

“And Awenha? Is she comfortable with her attacker walking around her home freely?”

T’Challa’s smooth eyebrows lifted and he looked away conceding to his General’s point.

“I’ve spoken with her about this. And she is aware of the spaces he occupies. It is up to her if she wants to see him.”

Okoye’s tattooed bald head nodded to his authority as a restrained sigh of relief left her.

“Good.”

The sounds of the hall echoed against vibranium and stone walls and floated up to the balcony where the two of them stood. T’Challa glanced over his General’s shoulder; the beat of the music drew him near the dark balustrade as General Okoye lingered protectively near him. Kingly duties not only included the regular trade meetings, security assessments, or council matters. Occasionally, he was permitted a moment of relaxation that he took seriously.

People from every background of his country walked and mingled among each other in elated energy. Night time in The Golden City could be as beautiful as it is in the day. White, purple and blue lights flooded the room in an ethereal twinkle as people shuffled around. Seating was placed throughout the venue that soon found hosts who casually engaged with the people around them.

Counters full of sweet drinks, with or without alcohol, stood waiting for the guests to grab. Some ate freely from the food supplied near the stalls, while most drank the offered refreshments. Voices shouted over the thumping of music in laughter, others walked close as they spoke; some stood back watching the crowd with a drink in their hand.

T’Challa needed a night off, his eyes settled on the svelte figure of Nakia lingering around the entrance as she spoke happily with another woman. T’Challa’s mouth pulled into a tranquil smile as he gazed lovingly down at her. He could see hints of green in her outfit as she moved within the sleek body hugging dress. Her earthly rich skin shone from where he stood.

“Better for him to have not come in smelling like that of a goat.” She clipped off as Okoye’s eyes spotted Bucky Barnes in the far corner of the atrium nursing a drink. He appeared clean enough, with somewhat an appropriate black shirt, pale shoulder scarf covering his stump with grey pants and boots.

T’Challa shook his head at his sardonic General and turned to her.

“Clean enough!”

Okoye smiled broke the straight face she held. T’Challa walked off to descend the stairs to his party as his General followed protectively.

Awenha stood outside the site of the King’s yearly Festive People bash looking up at the hues of purple, white and blue lights flashing out from the tall slender windows. Nervous hands smoothed out the satin magenta bottom of her dress. More snug than what she was comfortable with Awenha tugged gently at the fabric around her rear.

“Oooo! OOO! You got the DRESS!”

Awenha jumped at the booming voice of a tall, slim man approaching her with a skip in his step. Exasperated and a little embarrassed at the show of it all Awenha gave him a weak smile. Mavan twirled holding his arms out letting the soft fabric of his jacket billow in his wind.

“And to think you doubted me.” He said pompously, but then smiled and stuck out his tongue.

“It’s too tight.” She said jadedly.

“You use to wear tight all the time! Stuck in that house or in that lab for so long you turned into a lab jacket. Get comfortable in it Wenha, you will be turning heads tonight.”

The man’s soft accepting hand held hers as she walked behind him resignedly as he pulled Awenha along. The anxiety began to fade as she soaked in Mavan’s words. He had been right, she use to go show up at his shop for the newest colors, the trendiest scarf; fashion had been one of her happy spaces. And it could still be, she thought with a hopeful toothy smile spreading across red lips.

Bored already with the scene, Bucky was pulling hard on the cup hoping to catch a buzz when his eyes caught the dark pink dress Awenha wore. He went rigid immediately as impatient eyes looked her over. Curly hair was up and out of her face with what looked like a green bandana around her head but floppy curly fringe still spilled onto her forehead. Her shoulders appeared bare but with a squint Bucky saw bunched transparent fabric draped over them and down her arms. His throat went dry as he noticed the outline of round breasts pushed up and spilling under the fabric. Her modesty saved by only a large strip of white that encircled her chest. A mixture of pride and fear filled his mind as darkening eyes moved along her body to a plush waist and hips as she strode.

Stealthily, he moved throughout the crowd. He shifted his weight amid bodies of party goes enough to travel undetected. His unchanging gaze never wavered from Awenha as he walked to the outskirts of the party a few feet from where she stood. Shuri spoke to her with a big happy expression on her face while another woman short in contrast to the others danced with her arms in the air. The woman pulled on Awenha’s wrists willing her to move her body in rhythm. Bucky stood straight as he silently observed and he hoped she would comply. But she didn’t and opted to bypass them with a wave as she made her way to the drinks.

His eyes automatically hit every one of her curves twice as he walked in her wake. The heads of men turned in her direction and Bucky warningly glared at each one as the familiar churn of jealousy spun.

Bucky waited until she took a drink from her glass before approaching. He couldn’t suppress the grin that formed as he observed her uncomfortably shift in the dress. Her shade of blush, he was beginning to adore, was rising up her neck as she drank. The scent of flowers hung lightly around her as Bucky stood but a few feet from her. He breathed in deep as he hung back just to her left. His eyes flicked from her bare legs to where the dress began a few inches above her knee. Awenha shifted back on her right leg and Bucky jerked his eyes back up.

“I think the red one is the best.” He said softly.

Bucky took a step closer placing his empty cup on the service tray and brushing against her shoulder. She turned to him, taking the cup from her mouth. The recognition in her eyes was met with a toothless smile that turned up the creases around his eyes brightly. He shone, Awenha thought, blue eyes were responsive his skin a shade darker from the days of hard work. Her eyes traveled his body noting the plainness of his clothing but none the less neat, his hair was pulled back in a tail, and he smelt great.

“You look handsome.” She said with a smile, Bucky looked away quickly shyly shaking his head.

“You can’t take a compliment?” Her eyebrow arched as her smile turned sneaky.

Bucky’s eyes considered for a moment making a note of the nervousness of her fingers as they danced at the side of her leg.

“You’re beautiful.”

Turning the attention away from him with a few words Awenha blushed as he watched her eyes flutter then look away. She scrunched her nose accepting his praise with a slight nod. He couldn’t take his eyes off her mouth as she tucked in the full bottom half.

He remembered the line of her lips from a few days ago, how she appeared pleasurably uncomfortable under his watchful eye. Bucky still drew belonging from their moments by day and by night they followed him into his dreams. Even now he could still feel the shadow of warmth that her body added to his own. His eyes raked over her once again as he tensely licked his bottom lip.

The song changed to a slow crooning ballad, Awenha looked around at the people scrambling for partners as they headed toward the dance floor. She felt Bucky’s warm hand in her left; the sensation of his skin drew her attention back to his face. He had a lopsided grin while taking small steps backward toward the source of the music. The re-envisioned doo-wop sway of the song elicited a swing in her hip as she followed.

He pulled her into the crowd as the lights flashed to sultry deep violet over rocking bodies. Bucky rose her hand around the back of his neck beckoning her body as close to him as possible. Inviting sapphire eyes roamed over her face as she smiled. In a smooth motion Bucky encircled her waist as she submitted to his proximity.

_And you got me like oh_

His feet hadn’t touched a dance floor in decades, but somehow the beat was timely though fresh and he found poise in his steps as insecurities melted away. Bucky had her now, he concentrated on the heat emanating from her, the fire in her eyes, and the feel of her slow gyrating hips against him.

_Don’t you stop loving me_

Bucky picked up pace as he led them into a gentle spin and he thoroughly enjoyed the look of surprise in her eyes. She bumped against him as they reset their steps Bucky felt a jolt of eagerness to feel her closer. The friction created fire between them. With a deep graceful sway that scooped through the hot air around them as the music swelled Bucky’s hard chest rubbed against her.

Awenha’s hooded eyes took in the vision of his unabashed want. He held her closer, nearly melting the self she knew into him making her head swim with dizzy thoughts of intimacy. The lights flashed gold across his face highlighting his cheek bones, strong jaw, and a wide mouth. She brought a hand to his bearded jaw, he smiled and her racing heart pumped faster.

_Must be love on the brain_

Their lips nearly crossed the threshold drunk on the desire for each other, the beat of the music willingly pulling them together. Testing the waters of longing her soft lips kissed his beard chastely. The music swelled into a heart wrenching vocal plea for love as Bucky kissed the side of her cheek bone. Awenha’s feet hit the floor following his step for step with their bodies contacting at every pressure point. Bucky pulled back squaring his jaw blue eyes wholly fixed on her. Their joined bodies carved through the tempestuous gust of excitement around them.

_All you need to do is love me, yeah_

They ignited the passion between them Awenha felt a burst of heat in her belly as she clung to him half reluctant to let go half waiting for the release this bliss promised. She held her head low bobbing gently to both the beat of the music and the rhythm in her soul. Bucky’s steady hand on the small of her back ensured she wouldn’t fall away but electrified her senses causing her hips to wantonly swivel into his.

_And I run for miles just to get a taste_

Bucky saw the sparkle in her eyes and felt how she matched him in passion. She brought want, hot raw energy that charged the air around them with hungry fervor. And it was for him, all for his consumption as he felt the muscles in her hips and back move at her controlled command. Awenha glowed, he thought, as he watched her chest breathe noting the supple skin of busty breasts underneath the shear fabric. Unapologetic in his observations Bucky knew she enjoyed being under his watch.

Years of holding on to what little life he and all the dark days that kept him in fear were pushed aside for the sunny light of hope. He was unrepentant in his hold on her as he pressed away the guilt, grief, and embraced the loving grace Awenha boldly offered. In an act of self-indulgence, Bucky sunk his damp head down to her shoulder he closed his eyes. Urgently, needing more from the embrace he decadently pecked the skin under her ear. The sound of her moan under his touch was other-worldly as it faded off with the beat. He had taken control of the feelings of remorse, so why not take a little taste of what she had to offer. He owed himself that much.

And still he held her close while Awenha hugged his neck as their swaying subsided with the ending of the song.

The beat rolled into a tripping hard hitting banger. Reluctantly, Bucky began to release her waist he could feel her hesitation as well. But she smiled with her eyes the cute upturn corners of her eyes pinched. Awenha, still holding his hand, turned to walk off the floor with Bucky in tow.

They walked further from the crowd the manic beat still thumping and vibrating the floor under their feet kept the feeling of excitement in them. Awenha scooped up a couple of cups handing one to Bucky with flirty admiration in her gaze as she put the cup to her lips. Bucky watched her polish off the entire drink in one motion. A distant glint of disapproval flashed in his eyes.

“Don’t worry.” Awenha picked up another cup then drank deeply. She smacked her lips together finishing the gulp.

Bucky quickly chugged his drink in an attempt to keep up with her. Awenha amused at the sight, watched him finish the sweet tangy cocktail; Bucky caught her gaze as he swallowed. The sweet smile she held while observing faltered as she remembered the hold he had on her.

Bucky sat the cup down on the service tray as a smile began. He recognized the want, the heat she projected. As he stepped closer Bucky saw her bated breathes dwindle under his gaze. His senses sang and twisted around the feeling of want.

“Are you breathing?” He asked with a smirk.

She tried to speak, to her, the words felt trapped and tangled in her throat.

“I think you should get some fresh air.” His brows arched as a slightly worried expression settled in them.

Bucky offered his arm to her and Awenha slid her arm around his. He didn’t feel the intoxication of the drink, another type of euphoria was emerging, a blissful, blurry feeling of utter happiness and she was the source.

They strode through the crowds passing couples and single people singing along with the music, and other’s laid lavishly across plush seating. Bucky felt pride, she was easily the most beautiful woman in the room, and her she was, on his arm. The past never seemed too far away. In his mind the distant sounds of big band music played during a time when he was young.

“I haven’t been to a party-“ he started but then grew painfully aware of how long it had been.

“Since a few decades?” she chuckled.

“Something like that, ya.”

Bucky chanced a glance, he could feel the embarrassment in his face. Awenha smiled tenderly up at him, her eyes looking around his face at the redness and appreciated his openness.

They continued to the rim of all the dancing and singing. Bucky let her guide them to an exit that opened up to the gardens of the building, where very few people lingered and where they could hear each other better.

“Who would have guessed? That a little fizzy drink could coax you out of your cave.” The distinct disembodied husky voice made Awenha stop.

From around Bucky a man, dark, robust and imposing dressed in shades of red stepped out. Black velvet eyes squared on Awenha and she felt the pit of her stomach drop. With a wink his eyes moved to Bucky.

“My name is D’Kowe.” He announced with a quizzical smile.

“Bucky.”

He felt Awenha’s grip tighten on his arm.

“D’Kowe.” She bit off in a chilly greet.

The cryptic smile vanished from his face as imperious eyes slid back to Awenha, they swept over her form. And before Bucky felt his tight jaw muscles work into a retort she spoke.

“Do you have nothing better to do than lurk?”

“Who better to watch than you.” he said smoothly, bright white teeth shone as he smiled down at her.

“I think it’s best if you move on.” Bucky’s voice sounded collected, in theory, but Awenha noticed the hardness of it.

D’Kowe jerked his head back to Bucky who by now had released Awenha of her hold on him.

“The hydra toy tin soldier.” D’Kowe laughed in Bucky’s face. “Well, don’t you two make the pair?”

Awenha had enough and braver than she had felt in months she stood between them. Her eyes blazing with fury she stared up at D’Kowe who didn’t move an inch.

“Stop it. Your opinion means nothing.” Her voice shook.

D’Kowe’s eyes swept over her heated features and dismissed her with a smirk as he took a step back. With a smooth move he pushed his hands into his well made jacket as he retreated slowly.

“As always. So nice to catch up.” He said pleasantly, though the mollified smile stayed across his lips, dark eyes remained on her in icy disdain.

He turned on the fly and disappeared into the darkness of the garden toward a group whose voices carried lightly. Bucky stepped forward in the direction D’Kowe walked. His blue eyes now dark in the night, stared.

“Who was he to you?”

Bucky knew that look, that desperate attempt at unrequited love turned bitter was all over that man and he didn’t like that she was his focus.

“A man who thought I out lived my usefulness.”

Bucky saw her move to his side out of the corner of his eye. He looked down at her. She was partially covered in shadow but the gold light of the lamps painted the apple of her cheeks bronze. He could still see large somber eyes looking up at him.

“Don’t worry about him, sugar.” Bucky’s voice was quiet but strong as his words filled her.

He brushed at her cheek with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry, about D’Kowe.”

“It’s not your fault.” He said tenderly. But Awenha turned her head in the direction D’Kowe departed.

“Other than him, are you having a good time?”

“I wasn’t going to come.” Awenha felt his stare before she turned back to him. He wasn’t smiling but an intrepid grin hung at the corner of his lips. “There would be so many people here.”

“That’s me in a nut shell.” Bucky looked away out on to the dark garden remembering the exact reason he didn’t want to come; too many people.

She felt brave enough to regard him as he looked away. Those deep creases around his eyes stayed even when he was expressionless, blue eyes turned an icy gray in the dark were set deep with forward thick brows and a perfectly angled nose. His top lip was shiny as his licked it quickly though mostly hidden by his growing beard her eyes focused on the full bottom half of his mouth. And his voice was always so soft she noticed, like he never had a good enough reason to raise it, even when he seemed annoyed. There was a gentle cadence to it, a frayed deep pitch was never overly harsh but kind and potent as he spoke. Even the lightness of his laughs could draw a smile from her; the effortlessly mellow hum of his voiced soothed her. 

Bucky turned abruptly and she averted her eyes to the ground.

“What are you thinking?” His hand held her waist as he drew her into him and she placed a hand on his shoulder. Her eyes were drawn to his mouth as he spoke.

“You can tell me anything.” He whispered.

“You’re so different.” She said without thinking.

“I hope so.” There wasn’t a hint of agitation in his reply or a clue that perhaps he was hurt by the comment. Awenha drew her eyes his; he was calm as he looked back at her.

“You are. I was rightfully prepared to not like you, Bucky. I like that I was wrong.”

“So, you like me?” He said with a grin and breaking up the seriousness of the conversation. 

“Maybe.” She teased defiantly with a tilt to her jaw.

“Oh, I think you already do.” His voice was deep perhaps challenging, she thought, as a wicked smile spread over his lips.

“And arrogant?” She mocked shock with her mouth hanging open but he simply laughed softly.

“Far from it, sweetheart.”


	10. The Goat Keeper's Hut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: dubious consent. Smut.

“I think,- Okay that’s the last of it.”

Awenha dipped under the medical cot and grabbed the last of the tools strung about diagnostic area.

“This is the seventh time, Wenha. Really..can we just call on-“

“It will work this time okay!” Awenha’s frustrated stifle voice carried from under the cot.

She hauled up the box into the cradle of her arms as she stood. The clattering of spare parts traveled with her across the room to the work station.

“At least you haven’t made a total mess this time.” Said Yuki bristly, who was furiously wiping down the bed.

Awenha ignored her as she tossed the box to the side and picked up the pad, scrolls of analytic information rolled across the screen in her hand. Quickly with short strokes she input commands.

“So you and Bucky were very close last night.”

Awenha could see Yuki’s indulgent smile over the pad as her eyes shot across the screen.

“I heard D’Kowe had words to say about it.”

She shrugged nonchalantly the glint in Yuki’s eyes did not go unnoticed by her friend.

“Well you know, D’Kowe he-“

“Irritates the shit out of me.”

“What!” Yuki’s startled and shocked voice ripped her focus away from the work.

She peeked over the pad and saw the short woman grab her sides in laughter as she struggled to speak. Awenha smiled, but wasn’t sure why she was in hysterics.

“What? He gives you di-“

“It’s an expression! I thought you got news here, remember?”

Yuki’s cackle rang out as she pointed at Awenha. Un-bothered, she continued to push in the last of the instructions.

“Take some of my blood.” She held out her left pointer finger.

Yuki fought to walk to her medical bag, the laugh still wheezing out of her as she moved.

“Oh, that is so gross.” She cooed delightfully. “I’m going to use that phrase…” she giggled.

“I absolutely think you should.” Awenha smirked. “And do so in front of the King.”

Yuki’s mouth hung open, embarrassment settled upon the flurry of her eyebrows as she swallowed hard.

“Don’t use my soft spots against me!” She playfully shouted, but then returned the smile, though this time much more reserved.

“Hurry, I want to get out of here as much as you do.”

Awenha watched Yuki pull a blood pin from her bag. She dabbed at Awenha’s finger with a sterile stone before she placed it on her fingertip to extract a sample.

“Okay, this time we will use my blood. Run it through the regular diagnostics and I’m going to scan myself. We will see what the reports say.”

Each of one them set upon their tasks. Awenha approached the cot and sat upon it as the line of a purple laser scanned her quickly. She looked over toward Yuki’s turned back as she waited for the results.

Awenha hopped off the bed and headed toward an alcove that stood near. A few wires ran from the cot to the interface accompanied by a pile of parts that she scooted over with her foot.

“Ready? I’m going to combine the findings.”

“Uh. Awenha..”

The results of Yuki’s test pulled up on to the screen. Giddy with achievement she read the comparative list noting the differences in blood pressure, glucose level, and the detection of human chorionic gonadotropin. Her eyes flew by the read out as she continued to recalculate for time differences in the samples.

“Do you see this?!”

She hadn’t noticed Yuki was now at her side, dark eyes bulging as she looked at the screen. Yuki pointed at the flashing indicator at the far left. Awenha studied it, and then blinked as her eyes swirled back to Yuki who was now busting at the seams with a smile.

“You’re pregnant!”

  


* * *

He was use to working methodically. Slowly, over time the creature of habit spread and made a home in his mind. Unwilling or not at one time it occupied every space rigidly. And exuding control over tact while giving purpose to the brutal adaptability and dexterity he brought into every incursion. It was never about the long haul fight; energy was fuel, and he never wasted it on an outcome that wouldn’t come to fruition.

His mind ticked back to Awenha. He could hear the echo of indecisive footfalls of her self preservation within his mind. Her delicate but harsh steps left a trail of doubt. The incredulous arm’s length she kept him at. The self possessed adherence to freedom made him think she was unobtainable and dangerously isolating. Bucky lifted wood with his hand then rested it on his knee as he leaned body weight into the fence. He picked up the hammer and with every strike of the nail he saw the distant look in her eyes, the façade of a charm, and the lonely haunted energy that hung over her every move.

He threw down the tool, stopped and inspected his work, then moved on to the next section in thought.

Sure she was caving. He felt the collapse under his palm when her heart rate rocketed. And he could see it in the dampness of her cheeks when the dark coil of want twisted.

Still, there was hesitation in her. Bucky knew why it was there and he could even consider it a blessing from the raging need to cling to her. It gave him space to think. And placed focus on his intentions. And it also tripled any insecurity that shadowed behind the honesty he had with her.

From a path leading from the Merchant Tribe village he saw a familiar face emerge. His presence didn’t stop him from his work. Annoyance now laced every hit of the nail the closer he got.

“Working off your debt?” The man called, Bucky ignored him as he eyeballed the measurement of the next section.

The man was on the other side of fence. Bucky gave him an icy glance before walking back over to the stack of wood.

“With your body count, you’ll be working until the end of your days.”

Bucky halted in his step and looked back at D’Kowe. He leaned upon an arm on top of Bucky’s work his expression pinned someplace between self satisfaction and livid defiance. Bucky responded by picking up another two by four and throwing it at the base of the fence the man was propped on. The fence line shuttered and swayed and D’Kowe’s balance gave way as he stumbled back, smooth shock flashed across his features.

“Why are you here?” Said Bucky. He didn’t approach D’Kowe, instead he felt calmer with the six foot distance between them.

“This is my home.” His voice dipped low as he walked back to the fence.

Bucky looked around his hand open as a sarcastic shrug rippled over his shoulders.

“Okay?”

“She’s stone cold, toy soldier. Does her heart even beat?” Said D’Kowe, getting right to the point of his visit, Bucky suspected.

“You’ll never get the chance to find out.” said Bucky unperturbed.

Bucky noticed the stunted mask of control slip on D’Kowe’s face before a sharp spiteful grin twitched at his cheek.

“As if you’re good enough. A murder and a traitor.” D’Kowe jeered.

Bucky felt the scuffling of his emotions, anger came running first and thrashed at the walls of his stability. He took a step forward. The shift in his energy charged the air around him as he clenched his fist. D’Kowe’s smirk grew into a smile.

“You’re a fool if you believe you’re anything else.”

A cramp in his arm drew him back from the thoughts of knocking the shit out of the man. With rage still roaring and thumping in his ears, he swallowed hard as he considered D’Kowe’s intentions. Before he could collect his thoughts for a retort he saw the man turn from him as the smile slid from his jagged features.

“My King.” He announced as his relaxed stance shifted into an appeasing imitation of respect.

Bucky glanced over his shoulder as T’Challa came striding up beside him. His usual stern gaze lifted as he nodded toward him before addressing D’Kowe.

“This does not look like the usual work you are known for D’Kowe.” T’Challa began, his tone ablaze with purposeful irony. “Are you lost? You seem far away from your comfortable chairs, cool indoor air, or anything that resembles a hard day’s work.”

Bucky grinned as he saw D’Kowe blink rapidly, his lips began to move but whatever words he thought to say strangled in his throat.

“Good day your highness.” He finally managed to say as he skirted the fence in retreat.

“It’s not uncommon for a stray white wolf to shake the stability of a pack.” said T’Challa in a clipped voice; his eyes lingered on D’Kowe’s form for a moment before looking back at Bucky.

“I see you held your own. The man has a habit of drawing out the worst qualities in even the best of men.” T’Challa eyed him casually taking in the dirt on Bucky’s neck and hands.

Bucky wiped at the drop of sweat from his nose as his eyes slide in the direction D’Kowe walked.

“He’s an asshole.”

Bucky began to walk to the fence, grabbing the hammer he tossed earlier along the way. He could hear T’Challa stroll behind him as he placed it on the fence line.

“How is the counseling?”

Bucky decided not to look at him. Already he felt the weight of D’Kowe’s words pushing down on his resolve. The prick didn’t know Awenha, and he would never know what she gave him. He jerked up the two by four by one end and pushed it passed the post through the bracket that bridged the two spaces.

“It’s good. I just wish it wasn’t-“ He broke off as he began to nail. He tried to remain impassive with careful and precise strikes. Dust began to shake off the fence with the last hit.

“It’s a little personal.” he began, but still didn’t look at T’Challa.

“That is the point.” His voice carried on the gust of wind as Bucky finally turned toward him.

“It’s awkward and weird.”

“His methods can be taken that way. But I believe he has the best of intentions.” He said.

Bucky thought back to the time the counselor had him stand in a room with strange rhythm less music blasting from all corners. It had been unusual but by the end of the day as he walked back to his hut the motion of people seemed to bother him less.

“I suppose.”

“Speaking of intent, what are yours toward my cousin?”

Bucky peered at T’Challa, though his features were draw into quiet, but pensive honesty, a playful spasm of his brows made Bucky relax under questioning.

“Friendship, I hope.”

He was honest in that, at least. As restless and irritated as he felt, when Bucky considered the reward his efforts had produced it was worth it. But he could see passed the her own little version of a mask she held on to when he was near. That jerk from before had been right in that. The frosty quality in her inability to get close left him bitterly indignant to the point he felt like shaking her. He could see the fire in her eyes and feel the heat in her touch. Her impulses died in front of him as she denied herself, though.

What did she need, he thought, permission? The distorted shadow of possessiveness surged forward and not too far behind the overwhelming instinct to be the one to draw her out kicked in.

With him going suddenly silent T’Challa’s words slipped through his ears. He couldn’t remember what he said. Bucky could only think about the method of thawing her out then wringing out that limp resolve of hers afterwards.

“Do you know where she is now?” Bucky asked and interrupting T’Challa in the middle of story.

T’Challa looked at him, the authority in Bucky’s voice also rested in his face. T’Challa nodded as he brought his wrist up and squeezed a bead. An image erupted out the beads of a layout in the section of the city. A small blue dot flickered as it slowly moved down the street.

“She is here, near the city edge. It would seem she is already headed your way.”

Bucky watched T’Challa vanish into the distance with his guards, after a few parting words. The sun was setting on Bucky when he made it to the hut. He peeled off his shirt, deliberately looking back toward the city. He hoped to see her somewhere in the distance. Hopeful eyes swept the horizon one last time before he dipped into the hut to shower.

* * *

Bucky pushed long damp hair out of his face then rubbed water from his eyes. His beard still heavy with wetness from his shower it glistened under the light of the torch outside of the keepers hut. Nimble fingers zipped and button his pants and he strode from around the building bare foot.

Deceptively placid blue eyes scanned his surroundings. The city of Birnin Zana lay swathed in the hazy city glow in the distance. And emerging from the metropolis back drop was Awenha. Beautiful, tall, with a crown of wild curly hair walked toward him. His eyes traveled the length of her body, the hem of the short dress rippled up in the breeze giving him a glance of thick thighs.

She must have not seen him, he thought, her head and eyes cautiously shifted around searching the darkness. He stood there in quiet longing, watching her mind race when her efforts failed to yield as result. He leaned against the hut, half hidden by shadow as she took tentative steps in his direction.

“Bucky?” she called.

Awenha sensed movement to her left in time to see Bucky emerge from the silhouette of the hut. He was shirtless; she blinked then refocused her eyes in the dark when he stepped forward. Bucky move forward, her eyes the color of rust in the light of the torch flicked over his body. A smile began to form at the corner of his mouth but it remained hidden to her in the shadow.

“How was your day?” he asked.

Awenha didn’t speak at first. Her eyes were still trained on the outline of his body. He stroked her arm softly bringing her out of the daze.

“It was good.” said Awenha, heavily.

Quickly, she averted confused dark eyes to the hut.

“I had a hard time with the project. But I got it completed in the end.”

“Why didn’t you ask for help?” said Bucky, pushing the hair out of his face.

Awenha looked back at him, this time her expression changed from desire to willful.

“I’d rather go it alone.” She murmured.

“That’s dumb.”

She straighten her head, the look of silent annoyance filled her features. Bucky watched her begin to pace. She seemed different, more on edge than normal, if that was possible.

“I don’t know if you have noticed.” She wrung her hands out to the side when she suddenly halted and looked at him. “But there isn’t an infinite pool of people I can go to.”

Bucky moved and his face was awash with color. His brows were low and tight as he stared at her.

“Shuri?”

“She’s busy!” she hissed. “And why are you questioning me like this?”

His eyes narrowed on her. Incensed with her half-assed bartering, he began to move toward her again.

“You have family. It’s more than what most have.”

“I was born into a family. It doesn’t make them my family.” said Awenha, who took a retreating step back.

“Bullshit, Awenha. Stop pretending you don’t care.”

“I never said I didn’t care! They had no choice but to accept me!”

They were less than a foot from each other. Bucky looked down at her, his eyes enraged with the ridiculous lines she quipped out.

“We get to choose our family.” He said while pointing a long rough finger in her face. “Or our friends or anybody else we think will accept us for who we are!”

Awenha stepped away toward the hut from his towering figure. The pit of her stomach pushed back up into her throat. Her heart hammered in her chest. She didn’t have to take this from him, not from anybody.

“I don’t have that luxury. I can’t move without someone passing judgment on me!” she yelled over her shoulder.

Feet from the hut and before she could take one more step Bucky grabbed her by the arm and swung her around, crashing her body into his.

“Who?” he growled, his eyes accusing. “When’s the last time you were around anybody?” Awenha pushed back against his chest but he held her in his grip. “You, lock yourself up, keep everybody away.”

“That’s rich.” she said with a bated breath. “Coming from a man who never leaves his hut.”

“I leave for you.” He said softly, steadily he walked her backwards toward the hut.

“You shouldn’t.” She felt her back hit the warm outer shell.

“I wanna be where you are.”

“Why would you want to be anywhere near me…” her voice was small, and shuttered breathes bathed his lips that hovered above.

Bucky’s mind clipped through the heartbreaking, tender, and reluctant moments between them. Remembering how she effectively kept him at bay with the weight of his atonement. He pushed his body against her. Awenha gasped and breathed in his sweet, washed scent. Bucky watched her mouth, full lips parted and he could see the soft pink of the inside of her mouth. She was chipped away, she was laid bare in her vulnerability and Bucky drank in the vision of her surrender.

Awenha pushed her mouth on Bucky lips. The force of the kiss knocked him back for a second. But then he came back, full force with his hand cupping her cheek inviting more from her than he had ever asked of. Bucky’s hand slid down, finding its way to the back of her neck. His tongue licked the top of her lip, demanding and she kissed back, matching his pace in a dance of passion as they rolled together. She hung on his shoulders taking every bit of the bruising kiss knocking her back against the hut. Nipping at the bottom of her full mouth Awenha wrapped her arms around his neck. The sensation of being given purpose flooded through her veins, and shot through her body and she lost all sense of the space round her.

He was the end. The last of the hurt and insecure thoughts she had rested in his intentions. The one who haunted her dreams, damaged her trust, and set fire to her imagination. It was so clear to her now, that he was the only one for her. Through their challenges and heartbreak, it was apparent the magnetic charm of his smile and heart had turned her. Into what, she was still afraid to think of the impossible ways he could have changed her.

“This isn’t what I was hoping for…”she whispered, but Bucky merely flashed a dangerous and brutal smile watching her resolve plummet.

Awenha felt Bucky’s hot hand singe the skin of her thigh, his hand dipped over the rim of her underwear and bury it on top of her mound.

“You wanted this.” his steely voice cut through her, sending jagged shards of want up through her.

She yelled out at the sweet electric hum of his movements over her clit. Gloriously wet, he rubbed furious circles as he swallowed every one of her moans in a kiss. She thrust against him chasing the feeling of his motions in rich vibrant ecstasy.

Bucky shifted direction, the action sent her sliding back right into a wooden nub protruding out of the hut. It dug into her skin, twisting and tearing the flesh of her back through her dress. The feral sensation to escape sent her to the edge, stripping her of inhibition and emulsifying with the pleasure at his finger tips. For a moment, she loses herself in the aching feeling. Allowing it to penetrate and fold in on its self inside her.

Bucky spreads passed her folds with a finger. Her small shivering breaths submerge him into the deepest recesses of his desire. Slowly, he pushes inside her, surrounding his finger with the capable tight wetness of her cunt. Hungry for her whimpers, he captures the sound with his mouth. Blinking furiously in an attempt to cut through the moment, she tried to come back to her senses, she tried to remember why she came to him. Sharp pain bites back at her awareness when she pushes back against the wooden nub. Tears prick at the corner of her eyes as panic sets in.

“No.” she whispers, her hands coming from around him. “Stop.” Coming to, she pushes him away.

Bucky steps back breathing hard and disbelievingly that, yet again she managed to find an excuse. Awenha stared at him silently while licking her swollen lips and stumbled in front of the keeper’s hut entrance. 

“You-“ her voice came out between breaths. “You don’t get to hide either. Not in this, this-whatever that was.” And she pointed at the wall accusingly.

Bucky tilted his head back as he sized her up with hooded hell-filled eyes. Shadows pooled around his cheek bones, the dimple in his chin and across his naked chest making him appear as an avenging angel.

“You loved it.”

Awenha felt that any power she had over him drain out of her. Any chance of declaring second thoughts diminished. Her mind and heart raged against the hesitancy in her body. But she didn’t move, she barely breathed when he crossed the short distance.

“You can’t-“ her words were stolen as Bucky grabbed her by the jaw pulling her into his kiss.

Rallying every bit of nuance he knew about her body, his hand glided down to her neck. Uncertainty flooded her eyes as they shot open in time to see the silhouette of Bucky’s body fill her vision. He squeezed as he backed her into the hut, a shaky hand clamped around his wrist as the other tugged his hair at the back of his head. He groaned at the pain, and moaned at the possibility of his fantasies coming true.

Bucky pulled her from his mouth with a sad moan from her lips. He spun her around to force her back against his chest. He kissed and licked the skin of her neck. Rough hands pushed under the top of her shirt as he latched on to her left breast. Possessively, he rubbed and pinched her nipple, sending her voice out like a bullet, it shot out of her, she bucked against the hardness of his cock. With a grunt and a shove he pushed back, forcing her into the small wooden counter. His finger nails dragged across the skin of her chest as he pulled his hand away. Fearfully, she glanced over her shoulder. But before she could see, his hand shoved her body onto the counter-top.

Bucky tugged at her underwear moving them down over her bare thick ass and wide thighs. And in a rushed move he entered her all at once. Awenha cried out pitifully, the pain of stretching around him had her tipping on her toes. He was as wide as she remembered and she tried to adjust her body around him as she wiggled. He bent her body back, clamped his hand around her throat, and forced the back of her head on his shoulder. 

“How’s your pussy gettin’ so wet?” his hot breath groaned into her ear sending waves of untapped want through her body.

Bucky rolled his hips into her, each stroke he buried the length of him to the hilt. Within seconds he was pounding against her hips. Holding her to him, keeping her steady with the grip around her throat he slapped away bouncing the fat of her ass. She moaned deep, her throat drying she tried to lick her lips but the sensation of him sent her mind reeling back into the darkness.

She cried out once again as his hand slid from her throat to her breast, pinching and bruising the flesh of her nipple. Sweat pulls from her skin, little dots of brown pearls cover her body under his dedication. He worships her, the once broken scattered pieces of his mind drag back together. She constricts around him and he feels the raging mad scrabble of uncertainty suddenly align his mind. She pants from the chase of it, and sweet, sweet hysteria wraps around her mind as she’s lost in the coming wave. He clutches her throat again this time squeezing harder. And she becomes undone, unfolded as her orgasm clenches then releases within her spreading down to her thighs and up through her belly.

The sound she makes is unearthly to Bucky’s ears and soon becomes swallowed back down when his hand clamps down over her mouth. Needing to seal the hold he has on her body, he propels her chest over the edge forcing her to bare his weight. Her eyes roll under shut lids when he doesn’t stop.

His mouth is at her ear, breathing hard like she remembers. The memories of the past and the present moments blend together as he molds his body on top of her. Awenha’s hands pull down to her sides trying to lessen the impact of his punishing pace, but it doesn’t work. He’s filling her up and turning her inside out with his hedonistic pounding.

“I remember how it felt, Awenha.” He moaned with his hot breath filling her nose. “And I know you remember too.”

Her eyes struggled to open suddenly realizing his forbidden fantasy.

“I want to be near you..” he kissed her temple, his pace quickening faster than ever as he throttled her into submission. 

He mumbles quick, airy nothings into her ear. His finger pushes into her mouth, and she tastes her self. The tenderness of the sucking, fast becomes the beginning of his ending.

“Because I love you.”

The slapping of his hips paused as he groaned long and painfully into her ear. Awenha moaned with his seizing thrusts that buried hot eruptions of him within her. Bucky’s hand opened from around her mouth as she gasped for air. Hair, tears, and sweat stuck to her face as she relished in the feeling of him still being inside her. He brushed her hair back. She was breathing just as hard as he was in that moment.

Pleased, adoring eyes roamed over her face as he slipped from her body with a grunt. He fastened his pants as she rose from the table and immediately went about righting her clothes. He was waiting. He could already see it in her the slumping of her shoulders. And like she was prone to do and especially in light of his confession, he was waiting for the moment when she would back out.

Awenha turned to finally look at him. Her murky and haunted eyes stared back at him.

“I came here-“ She started to speak with tears in her eyes and Bucky moved to touch her but she recoiled. “I shouldn’t have.”


	11. Conviction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Stalking, obsessive behavior.

Now his dreams tunnel through his mind in rough succinct flashes of astounding vibrancy. They are raw. Demand justice. They take from him, stealing joy and devouring hope. Each one of them lay strung together by the silky molten chain of ruthless truth. They threaten dishonor and to disown him from the world. But he looks at them anyway, refusing to avert his eyes. He knows they will be there just as well even if he didn’t look. So he stands in front of them refusing to give the fear any more of his power.

_Bucky sat in the dark on warm grass. His right arm was propped up on his knee the other restless leg lay kicked out to the side. His blue eyes blown out to shady circles moved with her. He leaned against the tree, vines and bushes comfortably concealing his outline without much effort on his part. He sat there watching her. She was home early today._

His crimes use to haunt a crippled mind. Trauma bound and compromised it was easier for him to let the thoughts live. They use to control how he felt about himself. Damned and not worth the trouble, Bucky allowed the feeling of insignificance to consume him. He had lost the taste for life.

But that useless frame of mind wasn’t finding much employment these days. He had another focus. Before the experience in the dream-world the dreams and emotions could take whatever they liked of his self-worth. He was just beginning to come around to the possibility of having a healthy outlook. The start of seeing himself as more than what others saw was coming on because he saw it in Steve’s actions in Siberia. And then that day in the dream-world he felt in Awenha.

_Her windows were always open. He wondered why a woman so pent-up allowed this sort of access to her private life. And then he knew it was because she didn’t care what other people saw. It was her inner life that had the real content. Bucky’s eyes followed her through the kitchen after she finished eating her dinner. She walked and peeled off an outer layer of her top that expose the soft small roundness of her belly. Her shorts hung below it adding more weight around her hips. Bucky licked his lips._

He often thought that maybe a piece of her stayed with him after. Like a little shard, lodged somewhere between the emotions of hope and fear. That peek into her infinite mind left him with the sense that despite those around her, the will to thrive was the strongest. And he latched on to it, brought it into him, and it made the dreams less painful. The once flailing optimism suddenly blasted through knocking his failures off their feet.

And when he finally found her again and the promise of that strength set him on another path. A trail, to where most of the roads to recovery ended and she was the waypoint. The faded memories were spent now, almost worthless in the face of the real thing. She accepted him. And he tried to get close, attempted to share in her world to even get a piece of what he had experienced again.

_Bucky rubbed his fingers together._

And for once that’s exactly what he got. Her willful resistance broke for him. The daring way she fought against her integrity only made for a sweeter taking. And he had ravished her body, and with every moan he caused she gave up her secrets. He fed himself from them. He knew full well that she risked the stability of the hard shell of her emotions. But he didn’t care what it cost her. And she shattered under his pressure. He could see it in her eyes, the fall of her breasts, and how she clenched around his cock that she felt everything. Her compliance was overdue.

_She had walked to the window just off from the kitchen to her cubby. Her hide away. She was standing over cushions now. Her curly hair draped around a face that looked solemn to him. But she pulled it back into a ball at the back of her head spilling stray curls._

He saw her walls rise again afterward. Within moments she was right back to how he found her. Distant and unsure. And he let her go, he didn’t even move when he saw her back leave. Shocked and disgusted with himself he thought maybe he had taken it too far. The thought crossed his mind that maybe he was too heavy handed. He had been hungry for her and too desperate to relive parts of that horror of a memory from their beginnings. A good amount of fear in her eyes was enough. And the fight against the intrusive thought was won in her submission.

Bucky worried that he felt no guilt in his actions. The few days afterward were not heavy to him, in fact he felt light as a feather.

What would he have to feel guilty about anyway? She had forgiven him for Berlin already. She knew what darkness lurked in his mind, after all. She couldn’t have been that surprised, right? The thoughts tumbled around him during the day. And at night he sank his grip around himself thinking about the progression of this latest moment. He was starting to imprint it on his mind again. Trying to hold on to every piece but it was less energetic now. The rush he got from filling her up was deteriorating leaving him wrecked and love sick for another release.

_Bucky felt the crotch of his pants tighten. His tongue rolled over his teeth. He watched her lay out on the cushions his gaze turning lustful in observing the length of her body._

In his time as the Asset there were few survivors. And she was one of them and she forgave him.

She could do it again.

And again.

Until she gave in to him and remembered that he was for her. That he was the person she could use for release too if she would just let go. But he was beginning to love her small refusals. They goaded him into pushing her limits and crossing the line of her comfort. The sound of quiet restraint in her voice to the timid self confidence under his touch sent his mind reeling for the ways he wanted to draw her out.

_The light of the room was dimmer now. Her arm rested behind her head as a pillow while the light blue haze of the screen shadowed parts of her face. Dark eyes scanned across the screen quickly. Bucky saw her look over the pad and lay it on her chest. Her eyes wandered the room in thought. Was she thinking about him too? Her hand rubbed her face, then down her neck, over her breasts and rested on her stomach._

Were they still friends? He had hoped so. But now they were lovers too. And the alluring opportunity for a long lasting companionship presented itself. Fuck it, the time was now, and it was practically handed to her to come to him. Because he belonged to her now. He was waiting and ready to receive her, however she wanted it.

_Bucky’s hand slid down his thigh as it leaned over to make way for his increasing need. He squeezed and rubbed the man-hood growing up his hip, his eyes traveled to her legs. They were bent at the knee, her feet were flat on the cushions, and it gave him a lovely point of view to the intersection between her thighs._

He would take care of her. If she only knew the lengths he would go to protect her. Both from herself and from others. He would be that barrier between her and the world. He never had a use for keeping material things. They were so irrelevant to the finer details of the life he had been living. He used to think that way about people too. The asset had no use of friendship, love, or even enemies. He was controlled precision activated to carry out the mission to the end. But now he had the control. He was in charge of the course he took. And he couldn’t help walk into the direction of her and fall right into her capable arms. If she would just let him.

He had set his eyes on her. She would never be out of his sight again, he promised. She had let him in too close now to back away. He wouldn’t have allowed her to lose him anyway. His curiosity in her was endless. And she had seen the good and experienced the bad in him; she knew what she was getting into. And he loved her for that and adored her for the way she resisted her own feelings. As much as he belonged to her she belonged to him too.

_Bucky stayed there long after she fell asleep on those cushions. Totally at peace in standing on the other side of the window as the lights of the house automatically ticked off. He stood there watching her sleep. Her eyes swept under worried lids. And he felt the urge to shield her even from her dreams. Like she had done for him. He wanted to be there laying next to her, near and mingling their heat into one another. And feel her touch on his skin, the sensation that turned into the energy to fight against in those raging and hateful dreams._

No, he wasn’t too hard on her, he thought. As much as she defied him, she gave as good as she got. He was so far from who he had been. That now as he watched her, the need to take it from her subsided back down into the dark pit of his mind. He baited it with hope this time though because that’s what was working.

He didn’t want to think of the day it no longer worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	12. Dark Eyes

Awenha walked to the medical bed in Tiakan's lab. She hadn’t even looked at the results in Yuki’s lab that day. Shock had divided her attention in that moment and her first thought was to tell Bucky. But that plan didn’t turn out as she had hoped. Like the last few days it had gone side-ways. She pushed the thought away and quickly activated the hexagonal display. Trembling fingers squeezed the syncing function of her beads as she watched the screen catch up.

From along the panel standing at the head of the bed a holographic image poured from the lens. Slowly it built upon its self into a vision of a fetus. Hovering in the air thin skinned and with the first hints of a face the sound of its heartbeat purred softly into the room. It looked as if it was in the warmest and safest place on earth. Breath caught in her chest. It was real, she thought. Small, fragile, but it existed.

“So you’re the reason I’ve felt like shit.” she croaked.

Anxiously, she scrolled through the information flooding in below the hovering image.

_Seven weeks five days since conception date estimated June 25 Birth Approximation: March 16. Human DNA- impartial results vary. Unknown genetic deviations from base of human genome sequencing. Projected genetic data: abnormal muscle strength, adjusted reflexes, dexterity, restoration of health. Maternal lineage: Awenha Tiakan Paternal lineage: Unknown patient 2016._

Awenha stepped back her eyes still wandering over the results. The word _deviation_ stood out among the clump of details. Teeth worried the skin of her bottom lip. Curiosity mixed with unease drew her back to the panel as she entered her information. From the moment a baby is monitored in Wakanda their information is stored and recorded in data banks. Her fingers moved and swiped through the piles of data looking for the results held within her own file. Developmental results, intelligence screening, birth at weight, length at weight, until finally she saw the genetic read out.

_Human DNA- impartial results vary. Unknown genetic deviations from base of human genome sequencing. Projected genetic data: Deleted. Maternal lineage: Drea T’Urk Paternal lineage: Tiakan N’Juri._

The word _deleted_ caught her attention. Confusion spread over her eyebrows. The series of words were distinct among the string of information but she couldn’t grasp what it meant. Awenha’s eyes glanced back at the image of the baby in time to see a nub for a leg twitch.

She didn’t allow her thoughts to freeze or pause on the circumstances of the moment. She turned around, her head turning left and right as her eyes danced over the mess of the lab her father left behind. Awenha went to digging. She remembered her father, his quiet quipped mentions of his past never really had weight to her. It always seemed far away and intangible in relation to her life.

Titanis was an Eternal, big deal, she had thought when listening to Tiakan. A woman thousands of years old, who never aged, never grew old, and was impossibly strong seemed like lore. The concept wasn’t too far removed from Bast, the Panther God. A fairytale. Until one day it wasn’t. And that day was when Awenha met her grandmother, N’Juri. The tall, beautiful woman appeared to be thirty years old but was in fact in her early eighties.

She tore through the top shelves. Toppled over piles of scrap, kicked at the stuck lower drawers hoping they would reveal the stashed away secrets.

She retreated from the host medical room and into the area where the cradle sat in one corner, and her new spherical creation in the center. This time she gazed at the walls that were covered in shelves that contained thousands of little crannies. Disappointment flooded into her mind first at the daunting task. But anger wasn’t far behind as she processed the scene.

She picked at the memories of Tiakan’s time in his lab. He spent most of his time here when he wasn’t away from Wakanda. So if Tiakan had hidden anything they would lay in here. She began to pull out whatever she laid her hands on, checked the details, and then moved on to the next.

Titanis was from a city, somewhere out of time she thought she remembered. Awenha scrapped through her memories as hands passed over and touched material Tiakan had stacked around. She tried to remember happenings and moments in her life when Tiakan spoke about them. She was child and rarely wanted to listen to anything that didn’t include technology. She berated her ignorance, now when she needed it the most; it fell to the waste side of her memories.

A few hours passed. Mentally drained she sat in the cradle distant eyes trained at the square pattern of above.

“ _Are you okay?_ ”exclaimed Yuki.

Startled by the voice Awenha sat up. Yuki walked in, tired eyes glanced around the room.

“What happened here?” she asked.

“I was searching.” said Awenha. She kicked her legs over the edge of the cot and stepped off. She tossed the half rolled parchments on her lap on to the floor as she walked away.

“Searching for what, Awenha?” Yuki was still at the door of the lab. Her eyes were bloodshot and tired as they followed her.

“Meaning.” She said with a shrug.

“Bucky is looking for you.” Yuki leaned against the door frame as she crossed thin arms over her chest.

Awenha swiveled her head in Yuki’s direction dropping a few tech pads into a box.

“Well, I think he is.” She rubbed her eyes. “I saw him at the market.” She said with a yawn.

Awenha turned slowly, walking toward her friend but ignoring the mess at her feet.

“What did he say? You didn’t-“

“Nope.” Yuki turned around and walked to the entry way of the lab and flopped on the worn out seat. “He’s difficult to read.” She threw her hands in the air as she spoke. “He asked where you were. Did you tell him?”

Awenha shook her head slightly, her eyes dropped to the floor as she caught the contempt in Yuki’s lips.

“I am not going to crowd you about that.” Awenha eyes rose back to Yuki. “You and that man have to get on the same level. About everything.”

“It is not that simple.”

“Life is not simple, Wenha.” Yuki leaned forward her eyes narrowed. “You love him.”

Awenha’s lips parted to retort but the words faltered.

“I know.” She said sensing the hesitation in Awenha. “The beginning was terrible. It was the worst thing that could have happened. You do not have to be ashamed to feel for him.”

“The only thing I feel bad about is not getting to say good-bye to my parents. I wish they were here.” Teary eyes turned from Yuki. “And Bucky? I’ll find my way.”

“Family can be found in any place you allow it.” Yuki’s voice was soft as she spoke, but to Awenha the words Bucky had said rang in her ears. “Regardless of what you decide. You’ll need help. And I’ll be there too.”

Yuki smiled as she rose from the couch. “But not on the days I have to work for twelve hours straight!”

Awenha grinned as she watched Yuki rub at her eyes again. The short woman walked to her stretching out her arms out into a hug.

“Next time, answer your damn beads.” she whispered.

* * *

By day he would work with the shepherds of the Merchant Tribe by hauling hay, repairing fences, and feeding the goats. Shadowed by his little friends from the tribe, they often teased him and wanted to pull his hair back for him. And he let them. The unexpected kindness of children softened the chill of insecurity that his past monstrous deeds left him unapproachable.

Sometimes he pulled a ten hour day when he got busy finishing a project. Other days were shorter when the shepherds came to tend to the goats needs. At the end of the day he would go to his hut wash off the day and then walk to where ever his legs took him. He was becoming use to people now; he hardly needed the ground himself around them. Sometimes he ventured around the griots who told lively recounts of their history. T’Challa would catch up with him, though it was rare, but he enjoyed the company just the same. And when the day flooded into night, he used the darkness to wander to her home. He would find his place there among its cover and wait for her.

Eight days had passed since he last touched her. Every day since his thoughts and actions stemmed from that moment in the hut. He wasn’t satisfied with being shut out again. But he also wasn’t in the mood to push back against her willfulness. He wasn’t sure where that would lead him. So he was content to wait her out. Practicing some of that patience people were always going on about. 

It paid off.

The corners of his lips were draw up and back into a smile. The crinkles of the outside of his eyes creased as blue eyes appeared gray in the dusky sunset. He could see her through the front window of her home. Music softly thumped, there was a swing in her step and bobbed her head with the rhythm as she busied through the house. She looked happy. He took a moment to enjoy the carefree and unreserved Awenha.

Bucky walked in catching the whiff of good food cooking and a dimpled smile from her as he entered. She approached with a tumbler in her hand as she scrunched her nose into a sneaky grin. The wide curve of her hips swayed in her natural gate as she crossed the space. He felt a jump in his stomach when she put her hand around his neck pulling him into a hug. Her warmth entered him at every point she touched him. He buried his face on the side of her neck then hair line smelling her skin along the way.

She pulled back first the smile slowly faded but her eyes still held it. Pushing the glass into his hand she turned.

“I got the drink again. The one from the festival.” She called over her shoulder.

He drank deep from it as Bucky’s eyes followed her movements to a panel on the wall as she turned the music off. His eyes stayed on her figure, she looked the most beautiful he had ever seen her. An off the shoulder top exposed the smooth deep toned skin. The patches of blue and red flowers against the white of the top became a beacon to his eye as he watched her walk toward the kitchen. Bucky followed behind her as keen eyes rested upon the sleek red material on her ass.

He was unsure what made her appear more brilliant today, but he appreciated it. Pulling the cup from his lips he leaned back against the inside counter to get comfortable in his observations. He swished the liquid at the bottom of the glass regarding her thick figure. Taller than most woman he knew, her stance was strong and rounded that began in her shoulders. Bucky’s eyes caressed the sound muscle in her arm as she reached above for plates. She looked supple. The top rose above her waist and the pants melted into the curve of her hips that left Bucky feeling the heat in his face.

Awenha put plates down carefully then utensils, the sound brought him out of his reverie. A half smile appeared as he sniffed the air. It smelled familiar, he thought. He took another drink finishing it. Wanton eyes watched Awenha bend over to retrieve a couple of small dishes from a tray in that quick-heating stove. Not in the mood for civility, he stared at the cradle between her thighs.

“I thought perhaps a taste of the familiar would be nice.” She said blissfully.

Fed up with the distance, Bucky walked up behind her and stood close. He brought his eyes from the fullness of her ass, up her back where long strands of black curly hair fell, and then to the skin of her shoulders. He put the cup on the counter brushing his chest against her back. Bucky tilted his head and with his right hand pulled her curly hair back so he could see the dishes of food.

“I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes!” Awenha exclaimed proudly as she held her hands out over them.

A quick chuckle left his lips as curious eyes slid to her accomplished grin. Bucky continued to watch amusement. Her eyes blinked delightfully at her hard work, the blush in her cheeks continued to her chest. And as he caressed her elbow encouragingly she leaned into him. His eyes lingered on her face for a moment, taking in the feeling of her before looking down at the dishes.

“Looks amazing.” he whispered into the shell of her ear. “It smells wonderful, doll. Let’s dive in.” 

Bucky took a seat across the counter as the stools pushed out automatically. Amazed by the technology of Wakanda Bucky appreciated the little comforts it provided. The wonders the world held since his first Stark Science Emporium always left him a little awestruck. Bucky looked down at his plate then his eyes rose up to Awenha who was patiently watching him. Happy eyes slid to his plate and then to his fork. Bucky’s lips twitched his eyes roguish as he raked over her impatient expression. He held up his hand in defeat as he smiled big then grabbed his fork to dig in.

“Taste like home.” With a mouth full of food his voice came out endearing as he chomped. His eyebrows arched with the first bight, then went back in and took large sections off as he ate.

Three forks worth of the main portion and he was nearly done with his plate. She focused on her plate taking small bites. The twisting feeling in her stomach held the weight of the world in it when she woke up this morning. The end of the decision was here, she thought as she picked at the food. They ate silently as she stole glances of him. Bucky was focused on his food and she watched him shoved large chunks into his mouth. The smell of meatloaf evaporated her appetite as the scent hit her nose. 

The scan was clear enough, she was pregnant about two months along and she hadn’t a clue it was happening. Her mother would have guessed, she thought offhandedly while taking a small bite of potatoes. She could use some sage advice in this moment. Anything to tell her it would all be okay, that it would work out for the best even. It would have lessened the impact.

Awenha’s eyes shifted from her plate back to Bucky who was almost done with his plate. She welcomed the feeling of relief when she considered his reaction. He was one of two people who got a good look into her. And it didn’t scare him off. He made her decision to trust him easy. He was caring and loyal to a fault sometimes. It was the dark parts he hid that concerned her. But she could work with that.

She pushed at the meatloaf and took a small bite still lost in her thoughts the only sound was the sliding of Bucky’s fork against the plate.

He finished the last bite as he looked across to check in with Awenha. She had eaten very little as he stared at her picking over the meatloaf.

His brows tightened as he stopped chewing and swallowed. He put his fork down and grabbed the napkin to wipe his mouth roughly before he balled it up. Awenha recognized the silence as pointed when she heard him stop eating. Caught in introspection, startled eyes rose to meet his concerned gaze.

“Is everything okay?” Bucky asked with unease in his voice.

Awenha laid her fork down, scooted her plate forward as she crossed her arms on the counter. Bucky watched her bite the skin of her bottom lip, but her dark eyes appeared happy. Bucky picked up his cup and took a long drink as he watched her nervously.

“Um, do you want to go outside? I think I need fresh air.” she asked.

She stood up and began walking. Bucky blinked quickly his brows laid flat above blue eyes. He quickly nodded as he rose from his chair.

“I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable around me.” Bucky’s voice was tense as he crossed the room toward the rear entry. Awenha looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, then shook her head.

“I’m comfortable with you Bucky.” Her voice wiped away the edge of anxiety as he continued to follow over the threshold of the door and into the nights light wind.

Needing to see her face Bucky approached on her left, his eyes searched her face for an answer. Bucky placed his hand on the small of her back to prompt her to speak.

“There really isn’t an easy way of saying this; so I’m just going to say it.” Awenha’s voice sounded reserved to him and the anxiety returned.

Bucky could see tears in her eyes that had not fallen and he could feel her trembling as he softly stroked her back.

“Say it.” He urged encouragingly.

He leaned toward her ear, “Whatever it is, I’m here.” He said softly. 

Awenha rounded to face him. Her eyes searched his for a moment.

“I’m pregnant.” she said flatly.

Bucky blinked, lines began to form between his eyebrows.

“Berlin.” She added when confusion fill his expression.

His eyes shifted to the ground as he backed away from her. His shoulders immediately stooped with worry. But the look of bewilderment didn’t last long his brows lowered and drew together as his jaw flexed.

Awenha stepped back to him. Her hands cupped his face drawing his eyes back to her.

“Say something.” she begged quietly.

“I’m-I’m sorry.” he bit off.

Bucky’s vision blurred as watery eyes tried to focus on her face. She could see what it was costing him to hear the news. 

“Please, don’t return to that moment.” she hushed.

His heart hammered in his chest as he followed her words. He counted the five things. Her hair, the color of her skin, her lips, the sensation of her touch, the light of lamp. He breathed in deep as she stroked his beard and blew the warm air across her face.

“We get to choose our family, remember?” She whispered tearfully.

Bucky blinked back the tears as he focused on her face. The heavy feeling of gloom lightened when he saw joy in her eyes and heard the conviction in her words. Suddenly the worry of the past faded into the background of what he was feeling in the present.

“Bucky, I choose you.”

And she kissed his mouth softly he could feel the smile on her lips. And saw it run to her eyes when she pulled back.

“And I choose this baby.”

Bucky caressed the soft skin of her cheek with the back of his hand. Barley able to contain the growing delight he bit at his lower lip as a small smile began at the corners of his mouth. His hand swooped under batches of curly hair to the back her neck as he rubbed small circles with his thumb. His smiled stretched across his face as he let the feeling engulf him.

“You want me?” he whispered over her lips.

The vulnerability in his voice quickened her pulse. He was so tender, open and exposed. 

“I do, I want you.” she said fearlessly.

Bucky swiped her face gently. Suddenly she pressed eager lips against his. He tasted salty. The woody ropy scent of soap from his beard filled her nose. His lips parted taking in a small piece of her top lip. Gently he sucked it as she matched his enthusiasm with her bottom lip. Their lips came back together kissing chastely before he darted his tongue back along the line of her top lip. She opened for him waiting for him to tickle the tip of her tongue. He moved into taste her deeper and she sighed where he growled as their mouths pulsated together.

His hand slid down her back gripping the fabric of her top as he made his way down. She pulled her hands down the length of his chest and tugged at the shirt tucked into his pants.

“Wait.” She said struggling to catch her breath.

She looked around the dark yard, suddenly aware of the surroundings Bucky looked too but began to push her back toward the house. He looked down at her, the darkness in his eyes stayed as walked her. He continued to pull at her top while he stole small kisses from her lips.

Bucky pulled her by the waist, tight and resistant to let her go, they stumbled into the dimly lit room. His eyes glanced to that little hide away of hers near the dining area with a smirk.

He took her by the hand guiding her to the cushions where he dropped to his knees. 

“Take’em off.” he whispered.

She feverishly complied spilling her top, bra, underwear, and pants to the floor. Her motions halted as she looked down at him. Startled at the sight him she took a step back but he caught her by the ass stopping her. Bucky was looking at every curve and dip of her body. Patiently his eyes floated over her figure. Taking in the look of the skin of her belly his hand moved over her ass up to her hip where he squeezed.

“Come here.” He said grabbing her hand directing her to the cushions.

Awenha moved to his command as she sat bare in front him.

“Lay back for me.” he tensely whispered.

She did so as Bucky used his hand to crawl in one move to the cushions underneath her hips. With the whip of her leg he was between them. Awenha took a deep breath as his eyes glided down her body. Bucky tugged at the hem of his shirt as she pulled it off to join her clothes. His hot palm hand rested on the inside of her thigh. Her breath caught at the back of her throat. Blue eyes flicked back to her face as he rubbed.

Awenha took in the sight of him. His pale chest made to look like marble in the shallow light rose and fell slowly. Dark hair spilled around brooding eyes and the razor sharp line of his jaw. She could feel the pressure building in his gaze as he continued to knead the skin of her thigh.

Bucky pushed back on his feet as he stepped back to re position his body, putting his head right between her thighs. She hissed when he licked. And kicked her hips up to meet his fingers that slid painfully gentle along the line of her folds. He took her completely into his mouth. Eagerly he tilted his head to meet the flesh that he needed taste. He buried his face into the warmth of her. Greedily he sucked and licked the bundle of nerves. His hand gripping the curve of her hip clamped down hard like he was afraid she was going to turn her back on him again. But she bucked and moaned as his tongue traveled further down lapping up what she had to offer. He was pushing her down and drinking her in relentlessly tasting the flavor of her skin.

She tried to stop the building feeling. She didn't want it to stop and yet the victory at the end of his efforts seemed sweeter. She fell away, in her mind and from her self pushing out everything that the day brought with it. She found belonging in his kisses, and found meaning in his touch. Over and over he continued pulling her to the end.

She found his hair and held on as she wiggled and rode the feeling of his mouth. Faster and quicker the budding wave of climax rippled through her. Shuttering and shaking, Bucky held her hip as her hands flew up to the sides of her face as she stifled the scream. His eyes traveled up and over her body as he sucked desperately trying to consume every drop of her energy. He could see the shadowed lust float across her face relax.

He could still see the quake in her lips as he frantically removed his pants down his thighs freeing the biggest cock she had ever seen. Her eyes turn up to his just as he pulled her legs to the tops of his shoulders. He wasn’t slow or nurturing as he pushed the length of himself inside her ripping a shout out of her sending her head rolling. A slow groan fell from his lips at the feeling of her wet and slippery cunt. And a sideways grin emerged on his lips and he didn’t wait another moment before repeating it. Another and then another as his pounding tumbled into the frantic pace she recognized.

It was fast and feral, the speed of a man that required total control. And she wallowed in it. Helpless to stop him as he bottomed out. And with each retreat the need to return grew in him. With a grunt he grabbed her knee forcing her leg against their chests as he chased the sensation deeper within her.

Her mouth hung open, shock arched her brows as he filled her fully to his hilt.

“Say that you love it.” he growled.

Her eyes fluttered in a haze around his face. Blue eyes turned dark in the shadows, his brow dipped and his jaw pulsed. And she swallowed hard at the feel him stroking into her harder and faster.

“I love it.” she whispered.

Bucky’s hand moved from her knee to her throat.

“You know what I want to hear.” He snarled then kissed her roughly forcing her to stifle a moan.

“Say it, sweetheart.” He whispered desperately on to her lips as she pulled on his wrist.

He could feel the wild beat of her heart under his fingers as he squeezed. The clenching of her cunt around him was driving him to the end. She pulsated and clutched with every dive of him and still he waited.

“Who do you love, sugar.” he said achingly, tenderly nudging her damp temple with this bridge of his nose.

The sound of her wetness, as he slipped and plunged within, collapsed the final barriers of resolve she was holding up. Her heart was racing; her mind was chaotic with maddening hopeful release and the look in his eyes. He stared right into her soul with every blow of his hips.

“I love you!” her voice shook and shattered into a frayed moan as another orgasm took her.

Every stroke she could feel it. The possessive claim he was making on her as he persistently pounded her cum back into her. Forcing her to milk him with every clinch of her pussy. The grip he had on her neck moved to the back of her hair where he pulled her face up to meet his. Every groan and gasp dragged from his mouth was evidence that her words were putting him over the edge. His eyes were open but lost in the curve of her lips, the arch of her brow and the feeling of her around his cock. And within moments his hips sputter into her faltering as they tried to stop. A deep growl followed from his mouth as he poured into her.

For a moment she stared at him watching the darkness in his eyes recede with every blink. Sweat dropped from his nose onto her cheek as he moved her leg so that his body lay flat against her. He doesn’t realize she saw the creeping hell within. He kisses her tenderly and she responds by burying her hands in his hair as he rests his hips between her thighs.

“You belong to me.” he says, breathing the words into her mouth.

Still reveling in the feeling of his hot skin, lazily she opened her eyes. His hooded gaze was watching her intently. And for a second, she thought, she was looking into dull, emotionless eyes of the Asset.


	13. Next Day

_She was different. She could feel the vibration of it in her bones. The next morning felt odd but bigger than she had ever remembered a day being. Even after the death of her parents. The days seemed stretched and distorted with the cloud of grief hanging over. But today, the morning after, was brilliantly anomalous and sharp. Rapid fire images of lips, arms and teeth flashed through her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut, felt the building moisture between her thighs as she remembered his grip._

_The pendulum swing of the night, grounded by their want, followed in a tangled mess of breaks and returns to their bodies. He had been rougher then, and more demanding in his need. Like he was carving a hole, a place where only he could exist. The kind, sweet blue eyes she remembered from the picnic were gone. In their place, the hell-bent gaze of a man determined to make her remember their beginnings. They sparked and ignited across the tinder plains of her mind burning it to ashes. He was insatiable, unrelenting as she gave in and drank up from his desires._

_She had even cried. Begged him to concede on the advances of her body. He had sent her over and above to holy bliss but still he made certain she would never forget this time. And she wouldn’t. For now even the smell of his hot skin reminded her of his savagery._

Bucky twitched in his sleep, his eyes moved fast under peaceful lids and Awenha stared at him. Even in sleep he seemed pensive, as if he could wake at any moment and make her relive their night. She felt his breath change when he shifts in dreams; he squeezed her tighter around the waist. Awenha felt safe there, like she too could release some control and not be judged for it later. 

He moved his head from her shoulder back to the pillow. She tried not to wake him as she lightly removed his arm. Bare feet slip to the floor quietly as she picked up a purple robe.

“How far along are you?”

Awenha whipped around closing the small bit of fabric between herself and Bucky. His eyes looked docile now, the enduring eyes that made her trust him were back as he gazed at her from the bed. She swallowed down the surprise of waking him by covering it with a smile. Bucky rolled his body up into a sitting position as he waited for her to answer. But Awenha faltered as her eyes caught the light of the sun casting bright rays over the honed muscles of his chest.

“About two months.” she murmured.

A beautiful smile moved across his lips. The light in his eyes beamed back at her sending the lump in her throat to her stomach.

“That’s wonderful.” he said quietly and with damn near with unbridled happiness.

With the joyful smile still planted on his face Bucky kicked his legs out of bed flipping the sheet and thick cover off his body. Awenha felt the pit her stomach jump. She stepped back as he approached completely naked and the smile turning into a wayward grin. He cupped her cheek. And if he had noticed her withdraw he took no concern with it. 

“You have me now.” he urges. “We can do this together.”

Awenha stared at him as she wondered where all this would lead too. The kind, lovely vision she remembered shone from his eyes as he leaned in to kiss her. It wasn't forceful, there is peace and love and want in his intentions. And Awenha kissed him back, letting the robe fall open as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was dizzy from the war inside her head and the coiling of nerves in her gut. But she pushed forward anyway. Running right passed the unyielding feeling of danger and right into him where he is waiting for her.

“ _Where are you?_ ” the shout of a familiar feminine voice floated from the other side of the door.

Awenha untangled her arms from Bucky and swiped the robe around her body as hurried feet walked to the door.

“There are clothes every-“ Shuri’s voice was cut off as Awenha flung open the door.

Her hair mess, clothes disheveled as she slithered around the wood door and shut it behind her.

“What are you doing here?” Awenha hissed and hooked an arm around Shuri’s back turning her from the room.

“Aye! Aye!”

Shuri pulled from her, a smear of an amused smile pulled at her lip.

“What are _you_ doing here?” she mocked.

Awenha narrowed her eyes at Shuri who flicked her brows up. Instead of snapping at her, like she wanted to, Awenha turned walking back to the seating area. Brown eyes swept the scene of their clothes on the floor, upturned cushions, and dirty plates on end tables.

“You have company?”

The little entertained tone of Shuri’s voice turned Awenha toward her.

Dangling from a hooked finger she waggled a boot in the air then dropped it.

“It’s the white boy isn’t? I knew it!” Shuri’s face scrunched up beaming with victory like she had caught Awenha in the act.

“So what if it is?” she sneered though half laughing at the reaction on her cousin’s face.

Awenha continued to pick up the few bit of clothes and began clearing a couple of dishes. Shuri’s eyes followed her around the room for a few moments before pushing off from the hall way and stood by the front door.

“You’ve missed family dinner twice.” She said briskly.

Awenha shrugged as she placed his boots together by the door.

“Hey!” Shuri snapped her fingers clicking the beads around her wrist. Awenha stopped, her eyes shifted back down the hall before turning back to Shuri.

“So here’s the thing, cousin. Everybody knows about your _roommate_.”

“Because you told them.” Awenha unruly added.

Shuri nodded and shrugged lazily as if it should not be a surprise.

“The point is you can bring him.”

“That’s not why I skipped dinner, Shuri” Awenha said flatly.

“And everyone knows you are pregnant.”

Awenha almost choked on her spit as she gasped. “Shuri!”

“Hey! The results are in the system! And you know Mother loves to read the civilian data statistics.”

Awenha’s lips disappeared as she pulled them into her mouth. Pursing her lips together her nose flared. Shuri’s eyes brushed over Awenha’s quiet rage.

“You have us too.” She began quietly, testing the energy between them Shuri walked up to Awenha. The heat in Awenha’s eyes began to fizzle out as she held her arm.

“We love you and miss you. So be there.”

Shuri nodded her head, and then tilted it to the side with a bubbly smile on her mouth reminding Awenha of the little girl who use to beg to take her on adventures.

“I’ll see what I can do.” she muttered.

Awenha stood at the door way watching Shuri walk from her home. From the corner of her eye appeared Bucky from the hallway. He was naked save for a towel wrapped loosely around slim hips. She watched him approach with a strut in his step and the torrid thoughts rush through her again. Bucky’s hand touched the door, fingers splayed over the wood as he slammed it shut in front of her. The onslaught of anticipation kept her in place when he stood in front of her. He smelled of her soap. And damp hair clung to the sides of his neck. Her eyes floated down over the sparse hair of his chest noting the tiny water droplets still hanging. 

He hooked a finger at the soft skin of her chin. Obediently she moved her eyes to his. There was no sultry smile this time to receive her. No little tale of his brows to let her know where she stood with him. He was expressionless, except for the two glassy orbs that keenly stared back at her. And while his face seemed icy with indifference the heat radiating off his body told her his intentions. His hand moved down the smooth skin of her neck then to her shoulders as needy fingers tugged at her robe. Worried for her own sanity she looked at him imploringly to stop as she tried to move his hands from her waist. She was already feeling the familiar ache from within. It crept up her thighs, tingled around her belly and pulsed under the hold he had around her.

“What time is the dinner?” he asked, untroubled by the state he was sending her into.

“-few hours.” she said thickly.

“Then we have time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading if you're new. And hugs and kisses to those who have stuck around. I appreciate you.


	14. Dinner

Bucky could feel the tight muscles in her back shift under his fingers. They were taught like a rope strung between two immovable posts. He rubbed the small of her back then tucked his hand into the pocket of his pants. Tentative dark brown eyes looked up to his. He could see the insecure shift of her brows ripple as she turned back to the door. He couldn’t help but to grin. A subtle motion, nothing anybody near could detect. Not that he cared anyway if someone saw. Because he was here with her now, with everything that entailed. Even a dinner with the family.

The entrance opened and flooded the pair of them in light, color, and the smell of flavorful food. The Mother of the King titled her head back then rounded her jaw as a couple of dark eyes stared at him for a moment. Bucky bowed his head respectively. Her response was a barely noticeable nod in his directions before she turned to Awenha. The stern expression broke into a broad smile and round eyes as she stepped forward to hug her.

Awenha looked back at Bucky as Ramonda pulled her into the home. She mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’, as Bucky scratched the back of his neck and stepped in as well. Instantly his eyes were drawn to the array of art that decorated the walls, tables, and floors. Patterns he had grown accustomed to were incorporated into the fabric of fine silks, tapestries, and rugs. He was particularly drawn to the vibranium statues, of past rulers, as they hung and sat in various areas.

“Please, follow.” Ramonda commanded.

Bucky quickly caught up with them passed the entry way to another large room where he guessed was for dinning. But he continued to follow behind them as they passed other rooms and niches were more art laid. Bucky’s eyes tried to take in as much as he could before they moved on hoping to remember the smallest of details. He could hear the hushed tones of Ramonda over the light thump of distant music from somewhere within the palace.

“Shuri!” Ramonda’s voice was sing-song in pitch as her daughter joined them through the hall.

“I’m here!” she called.

“You’re late!” Ramonda said over her shoulder. Bucky looked over in time to see Shuri scrunch her face up behind her mother’s back.

“Better late than never.” She whispered and leaned into Bucky playfully.

They moved into the light of the sun joined by T’Challa on a large balcony. Bucky looked around the area that appeared to be carved out of the building, as natural lines flowed into and around the flat stone of the ground he walked on. And it was green with vegetation and smelled fresh. The cityscape of late afternoon Birnin Zana in the distance became the back drop of their small gathering. As he continued to walk the shape of a shorter table, low to the ground came into view.

There were attendants that brought small dishes of deeply rich and colorful foods to an already packed table. Ramonda broke from the group and approached T’Challa who stood relaxed with his face peering out on to the cityscape.

“Can we eat already? I need to get back to the lab-“ Shuri began but stuttered as Ramonda turned to give her a withered weary glare.

T’Challa right away turned from his spot to his mother. Bucky saw the King’s eyes shift to his, who at once moved his head toward Bucky with a nod.

“Glad to see you made it.” Said Shuri.

Bucky’s eyes moved with Awenha as she crossed his line of vision.

Shuri pushed on his arm. “Hey lover boy.”

“I’m glad to be here.” He said, looking guilty.

Bucky was still facing Awenha’s direction as he rolled his head toward Shuri.

“I’m happy that you have come. And what better way to be out, than to be among friends.” She said with a smile.

Bucky half smiled back as Shuri walked off to the table. He wouldn’t exactly consider that he was among friends, but he knew better than most, that getting to that point would take work. Awenha beckoned him with a wave to come sit near her. As he walked the smell of food intensified from every dish crammed on the table. His eyes looked over the range of food as he took his place beside her. T’Challa took the space at the head of the table to Bucky’s left and across from him sat Ramonda who sat next to Shuri.

Awenha shuffled a cloth napkin on to his lap as his eyes continued to roam the dishes. T’Challa pointed out a particularly spicy dish to Bucky. He resisted at first but caved in as Ramonda put a spoon of it on his plate. Within the first bite he knew it was hell hot that elicited a small chuckle from T’Challa as Ramonda dumped a pile of rice on to his plate.

He continued to try spoonfuls of the assortment. Between chews and swallows he followed their day to day happenings lazily. Every now and again he would look at Awenha as she picked around her plate but mostly ate from the desserts. But as he looked around the table, the family jested with one another, they weren’t afraid to speak up at each other, and the freeing surroundings felt sound to Bucky. It was the strangest feeling, he thought, sitting with them he almost felt like he belonged. And as he took another direction from Ramonda to try a new dish he could see him self there for every dinner and not as an outcast.

The late lunch turned into a short dinner as the sun shifted in the sky and the shadows of the day fell upon the group. Shuri had left an hour in citing the difficulties of her work as her mother chided for her to get better sleep. Bucky felt the warmth of Awenha’s body as she suddenly leaned into him. He could hear the short, tight giggles erupted from her lips as T’Challa told a story about one of their family mishaps.

Surrounded by The Golden Tribe, Bucky remembered how effective his low self-esteem had been. Their kindness stood in stark contrast to the lonely days before he came to Wakanda. And being around them made him grateful for the life he had today. In these moments, confusion, uncertainty and fear cleverly hid away as he made some room for happiness. That something as simple as a family dinner could make him feel accepted convinced him that it could always be like this. 

T’Challa walked with Bucky through tall shiny halls. And with every glance from the King, Bucky knew that T’Challa was deducing the perfect amount of tact. They entered a room filled with wall paintings from top to bottom while some were faded while others stood out in vibrant colors. Bucky took in the contents before he felt T’Challa’s gaze.

“Your history together is controversial.” T’Challa stopped drew his hands behind his back as he regarded Bucky.

The warm happy feelings of the past few hours plummeted. Bucky’s eyes dropped to the floor like the heart in his chest.

“Awenha has forgiven you. My mother on the other hand would see you imprisoned. She has however, softened her position as she once wanted you dead.” said T’Challa.

Bucky moved away as he struggled to put together words that would do justice to how he felt.

“You are an outsider.” he said.

Bucky looked back at the dark, great, man and wished he could make the King see otherwise.

“But so is she.” said T’Challa pointedly. “Awenha is also my family and she is stubborn, and she is introverted. And like the rest of us, we are made of many things. Those separate traits do not always define us completely.”

T’Challa moved through the room and Bucky’s eyes followed.

“Tell me that you are with her for true reasons. Because to think otherwise of your intentions, will not be good for our family.”

“I love her.” said Bucky.

T’Challa paused in his step then turned to look at Bucky. Eyes that were once forlorn sprung to life. The slump in his shoulder now gone stood straight and broad as his chin rose through the air.

“We found each other. And there’s nothing that will keep me from her side.” Bucky told T’Challa.

“I believe you.”

Bucky and Awenha departed the palace. A dusty old satchel slung over her shoulder and Bucky tried to seem just as happy as Awenha. Quickly she spoke in broken sentences about her parents. He heard the power in her voice saw the curiosity in the ecstatic hand movements, the pep in her step, and how her face shone. His eyes looked at the path in front of them. His stomach lurched as T’Challa’s concerned stony face floated around in his head. There were too many people, he thought. That produced way too many opinions on the subject of their lives. Uncertainty swirled around the growing jealousy in his thoughts.

“Who else knows about us?” he said, interrupting her.

Awenha sputtered for a moment in confusion. “Uh- Yuki and my family. Perhaps Okoye. Why?”

“Can we just be us.” Said Bucky suddenly stopping and turned to her. “For awhile. I think people might not understand what we have here.”

Her expression seemed to shift between understanding and alarm. He could see her consideration melting away before his eyes so he stepped back to her. Tenderly he cupped her face raising her eyes up to him.

“I want to keep it. Like this.” He said apprehensively. “Before it gets torn apart by people who think they know better.”

He placed his lips over her mouth. He whispered into her the soft promises of belonging that faded into a kiss. Bucky felt her yield to him as the beating pulse in her neck thumped under his thumb. He could make their time together worth it, he thought, and she wouldn’t have to pretend anything with him either. He could be loyal and dutiful to her no matter what other's said.


	15. Burnt Sugar

The months wore on, the seasons of Wakanda shifted from wet, sticky months to dry and sunny less wet days. Thankful, for today she was indoors Awenha shuffled through her lab. She stepped to the wide table, above it four rows of shelving with scattered tools she had tossed there months before. She tugged on the strap of her gray overalls moving them further in as she reached across the table to the top shelf. Frustrated, she pressed a hand to the roundness of her stomach as she tried to gain the last few inches. Nibbling her bottom lip her fingers danced over the long handle of the tool. She propped up on the tips of her toes until finally snatching it from its resting place.

“Wow. It has old reports from your grandmother as well.” said Yuki who had her eyes buried in wonder at the contents of a metal box.

Awenha turned back toward the flat panel lying upon the table next to Yuki. The exposed device lay open, wires, sheathing and parts dotted the table. She pressed the tool against a juncture connecting one power source to another a bright blue light shone down upon it as the wires hissed and popped.

“Did she ever come back?” said Yuki.

“No. She left Wakanda in the 1900s.”

“To Her-lam” retorted Yuki.

“Harlem.” She corrected, moving to on to the next section.

Awenha disconnected the last of the primer wires from the device. With a gratified smile she picked it up and placed it within a case and shut it.

“That’s done finally. I’ll have someone from Shuri’s lab pick it later.” said Awenha.

In her mind’s eye Awenha saw the device becoming an integral part in one of Shuri’s inventions. Like so many of her family’s works in technology, they had made their way into most parts of Wakandan’s life. And this one would be no different. Her knack for knowing the answers to past puzzling projects flooded into her mind. The days passed in her pregnancy into months and with it an eye-opening foreknowledge grew as well. For once she was looking forward to a chance at creating and getting results.

Though Bucky objected to the long nights, she cut them shorter but put in more work in the ideas that exploded into existence in her mind. It was easier. She felt more efficient in knowing just were to apply interesting theories only to see them made true.

Yuki put down the few pages she held in her hand and walked over.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I think it will make for a cleaner process in water treatment. It’s easily constructed from materials outside of Wakanda.”

“Did you not just start this yesterday?” said Yuki, apprehensively.

Awenha shrugged as she shut the case. Yuki studied the passive expression on her face.

“It’s getting stronger.” said Yuki, sardonically. “In the last five months you have finished, what, ten or fifteen projects where it would to take you weeks to complete one before.”

“Do not start worrying, Yuki.”

“You know occasionally I would like to think you actually take my advice.” smiled Yuki.

Awenha carried the case away from the table and walked out into the entry way between the two rooms. She motions for her friend to follow who did so stubbornly, as she slowly narrowed her eyes at Awenha.

“Come one, I’m late for dinner. Bucky will come searching soon if I do not show up.”

“Oh, we wouldn’t want that.” Yuki said, brusquely.

“No. I wouldn’t.”

* * *

The house smelled sweet before she even opened the door. The scent of caramelized sugar and chocolate wafted toward her when she stepped in. Instantly her mouth watered as she walked toward the kitchen. Bucky was nowhere to be seen as her eyes traveled to the island counter topped with a plate with small triangle sandwiches on it. She picked one up and immediately bit into it as she continued to look around for Bucky. She heard the distant sound of movement from their room behind her. Awenha turned and walked back through the sitting area, passed the front door began as she popped the last of the bread into her mouth.

“It smells amazing in here.” she said.

Curiously she bobbed her head around the entry way of the door. Bucky was near and stood over a box of books. His face was unreadable as he hovered over it and took one out.

“Bucky.”

He looked at her, then sat it back down in the pile. His eyes pulled toward the swell of her stomach as he approached.

“What happened to being on time?” he asked sternly.

Bucky touched the side of her stomach moving his hand up her rib cage and over her breast where he squeezed. Awenha gasped her jaw hung as she felt the sharpness in his touch.

“Time ran away from me.” She whispered.

His eyes flicked up to her, his face rested closed and composed.

“Well.” he said evenly and unhooked the metal buckles of her overalls. “I think you might need a bit more reminding.”

“Bucky-“ she began but he put a finger to his lips to hush.

“I didn’t ask for excuses.” he said calmly.

With a single pull at the hem of her shorts they fell away and hit the floor with a click. He wasn’t as gentle with her top as he tugged it over her head spilling large plump breasts from underneath. His eyes roved over her body as his hand jumped to her wrist. With confidence in his eyes he pulled her deeper into the room as a smile began to grow across his lips.

“I’m here now. Let’s go eat…”she said hurried, hooking a thumb back in the direction of the kitchen. And Bucky smiled down at her. A daringly devilish grin that scared and excited her. He wasn’t deterred, and in fact looked to be enjoying the fuss in her voice as Awenha’s eyes glanced at the erection straining against his pants.

He yanked her into him and with the inertia of her body he tossed her on to the bed. She looked up at him in time to see him pull his pants to his thighs as he pushed a knee into the bed. Darkening eyes moved from the vee between her thighs over the hump of her belly to engorged breasts. He leaned over her as his mouth covered the entirety of her black areola. She began to pant and his eyes opened and stared at the reaction in her face. He bit and sucked hard as she brought her hands to his shoulders and tried to push him away.

“Stop it," she shook her head. "Bucky. It hurts!” she cried.

He sat back on his knees to remove his shirt, leering at her for her insolence he licked his lips as he came back down on her. His mouth moved the second nipple then his right hand gripped her other breast as he shuffled the rest of pants off on to the floor.

At first she bucked her hips against him in pain. He moved his legs and forced his knees passed the clinching of her thighs. And soon the feeble nerve to resist the pain began to topple into pleasure. She began to moan as the tears dried in her eyes. She pushed her hands and nails into the tops of his shoulders attempting to push him away. But he was strong. Always. So very tough and aggressive once he was determined.

His mouth left her nipple, panting in air as his mouth crashed over her lips. Her hands slipped from his shoulders to his chest, palms open to push him off. But he didn’t budge an inch as his hand wrapped around her throat pushing his thumb and four fingers on the sides of her neck. Her mouth gasped opened for air and he began tasting the pink inside of her mouth.

The prodding at her entrance shot her eyes open. He was looking at her with those cold vacant eyes he so often showed to her. She tried to speak between kisses as he took and stole her lips between his teeth and sucked. He fed from her body. The short quick jumps from the soft touch of affection to cruelty left her shaken. The heat from his chest pressed in on top of her, pushing and driving her body into the bed. He shifted to let her belly move to the side of them but he stayed there on top of her, dominating her view.

“You’re already fucking wet.” he growled and moved his face into her cheek as his hand slid underneath her body to cup her ass in his grip.

He buried himself inside her. Quick and hard he forced it in. Her hands were trapped against their chests and the bed as she squirmed beneath him. He twisted and rolled his hips into her with every bump she whined and hissed.

“Fucking take it…”he whispered in her ear.

His hair fell into her eyes as she struggled to shut them against the building and familiar pleasure. He was breathing softly in her ear, every grunt and moan sent shivers down her body. And still she tried to move her hands from between them.

“Cum on my dick, sugar.” he moaned into her ear. “Let me see how good you can be.”

With his words and permission she defied his commands as she shook her head.

“I know you love this…”he quietly said as he grunted with ever sharp thrust.

The brutal pace and depth shot through her. “No!” she cried out.

She heard him chuckle lightly in the shell of her ear. “I know you love the feel of me.”

Her breathing came in short bursts and she licked the dryness from her lips as her body carried the pleasure to her brain. Reflexively her thighs squeezed around his hips leaving a tremor in her legs.

“Come on baby.” he begged.

Passed the hair in her face ungodly sounds erupted from her lips.

“So tight, baby doll.” he grunted. “And you’re all for me…”

All at once she felt the bubble of pleasure pop and fizzle up her spine, sending the buzzing of bliss through her body. The feeling of humiliation at the quickness and method of her orgasm flooded over her too. And tears pricked the corners of her eyes as he continued to ravish her. He was faster now, chasing his own release right into her. She was tight and wet and all for him.

She knew he loved her. Even in his final thrusts when he found her throat again and squeezed she felt the need in his touch. The rakish dark look in his eyes dissolved into concern as he kissed her swollen lips. In this moment he filled her with much more than himself. The unadulterated kindness he held in one hand and the savage nature in the other left her lightheaded. And as tear stained eyes looked into his she saw her Bucky staring back. His endearing smile lingered on his lips as he went in for another kiss. His hand moved from her neck. Protectively he placed it to the side of her head as he put weight on his elbow. He pushed the damp hair back gently from her forehead, the sweet calmness of his eyes emerged from the shadows of before.

She rested her hands on her chest as he lifted some of the weight off. Awenha took a deep breath and shut her eyes, she tried to restrain the emotions threatening to burst out of her.

“Don’t forget I love you.” he whispered.


	16. Before Light

Bucky awakes to his heart thumping out of his chest as he sits up. His eyes sweep the pale features of the room looking for the demons from his dream. But there are none, and within seconds he realizes that those things existed only in his nightmare. He swipes at the thick coating of sweat from his forehead as he steadies his breathing. His eyes focus on the blanket covering his legs, one breath, slowly in and out, and then another. A cold chill runs up his arm and over his shoulders as the sweat on his body cools from the breeze from the window. His eyes turn to it getting lost in the motion of the curtain swaying slowly back and forth.

Small moans bubble underneath Awenha’s lips that draw his focus to her. His eyes caress her face as she sleeps peacefully on her back next to him. And Bucky hopes, and prays that her dreams are nothing like his own.

She looks warm, comforting and inviting so he falls to his stump on a pillow next to her, huddling in close. Long lashes brush against his lips as he rests near her side. His face moves to the crown of her head, worried he might wake her. He casts his eyes down her body, the room and her gown now drained of color in the darkness of night but he makes out the shape of her breasts.

He wraps his hand around the top of her swollen belly as he shuts his eyes again. He prays within. And he hopes in his heart that everything will work out. What if she dies? What if she’s hurt beyond repair? He knows nothing about children. Knows even less about babies. He memorizes the rise and fall of her breathing as he thinks of the future. A breath shoots out of him at the thought of losing her and Bucky scoots himself closer.

He shakes it away, raising his head to see if he woke her. But she doesn’t move, only changes in breaths as he moves his hand over her stomach protectively. He feels a distinct shift within him as he looks to her restful face. In her stillness he sees the light. An invisible dance of goodness and hope bound to her soul invites his dark. He picks up his hand moving it to the hem of her gown and placing his hand over her thigh.

He rubs small circles in the same effect as his mind is now churning. He dips his nose to the skin under her ear and breaths in deep.

“What a beauty.” he says in the quietest of whispers.

His lips part, seizing upon the skin below in licks and sucks. Still, she doesn’t stir. His hand moves closer to the warmest part of her body. The heat there slowly drawing his fingers in. The call to lose himself was becoming the only part of his mind he could hear. He could feel the need to lie in her light fold in on its self as he bypassed her underwear. She mumbles in her sleep and he achingly halts his motions. Bucky holds his breath, bracing himself for her reaction. Awenha’s head rolled toward him, her eyes barley opening as she moved her hand to his wrist.

He feels his skin turn hot.

“Bucky.” she softly says, dreamily. And he’s not sure if she’s awake or perhaps caught in the in between. But he kisses her mumbling lips as her eyes flutter shut. He wanders if she’s considering his advances or helpless in waking to speak up. But either way he doesn’t give her the chance to decide. He pushes his fingers around her clit and down her folds swirling the sensitive skin under his thumb.

He presses his glossy forehead against her temple his beard brushes her jaw line as he hears her moan. It is the sweetest sound he could have hoped to hear in this moment. She’s so sensitive to him and he becomes deliciously aware that even the slightest touch draws a cry. A jagged smile pulls at the corner of his lip as he feels the grip around his wrist tighten.

He pushes down to her breasts wiggling the fabric between his teeth to expose the taught skin of her nipple. He stretches it between his lips and nips with his teeth. Bucky feels the roll of her hips into his hand barreling and rocking away into her pleasure. The building heat mixes with the wetness beginning to slick his fingers.

“Do you want me?” he asked at once.

“Yes.” she whispered.

He removes his hand and she whimpers at the absence of touch. He rips and tears at her underwear cooling to the heat she is providing. Bucky pushes her thighs together shifting her body on her side. She stretches and arches her back like a cat as his mouth finds her neck again. He feels her hand reach to the back of his head pushing him in to her. He bites and sucks and just when she can’t seem to take more he fills her.

Bucky groans into her skin. She’s like fire inside, and dripping around him as he slides in. He goes slow at first. And he hopes to keep his wits about him long enough to savory those sweet little moans as he enters her. The captured rasping of her voice makes his cock throb and pulse with every one of her bated breathes. Wickedly he draws his cock out to the tip, and mercifully pushes back into her molten core. The gentle bumps turn fast with every one of her tearful whimpers. And he feels the darkness subside from his mind. He’s losing himself in the feel of her body and once again the broken bits feel whole.

He grips her hip hard and it has her holding his wrist again. Bracing against him and holding on, he can feel how close she is. His morals step back, the darkness creeps back in. He knows, oh, he knows he can be rough. But he can be tender too. See? Can she feel the softness he’s using with her? It means he isn’t totally lost. Not like before. His hand moves to the back of her knee bringing her thigh to her side, splitting her open and making room for him. He buries himself to the hilt. With vigor he watches her face and chest collapse to the bed in a fit moans and cries. He wallows in her cum and in the shaking of her body with every thrust.

She flops back against him and he catches the utter bliss on her lips as she pants through her orgasm. He hears quiet whispers but ignores them as he grips her leg to mount her. He feels only the faintest tips of her fingers on his thigh as he leans his body weight into the hold on her thigh. The whispers turn to a gasp as he leans in close to her face and slams into her. In her mad scramble for distance she tries to hold his wrist at her knee but slips to his thick forearm. He can feel her other hand steadily digging into the flesh of his thigh. But he can’t get any deeper. He’s bottoming out. And his mind doesn’t clear. The need to take is as present as ever and the sickening surge of remorse on her part doesn’t make him stop.

His dark brown hair sticks to his face as drops of his sweat fall into her mouth. He can feel her nails now digging into his skin. Frustration at her denial threatens to turn to anger as he quickly grips her elbow, flinging it above her head and baring his weight on it keeping her still. Her moans clamber into whines of pain and bliss when she pushes against the base of his neck. He can see the fear cross her face, even in the dark he picks it up like he can smell it on her skin too. 

He can hear the suds of her cunt slippery and begging to fulfill its use. But it’s the sound of her heart, thumping and hammering against his chest that drives him. Here he can feel it in her, the will to take him again and again. Here at his ending her fingers crawl and scratch up his body to stroke his beard. The wild splintered look in her eyes echoed in his mind driving him to rut harder quicker stealing her breath away.

She doesn’t cry. And he savors how good she is for him now. How lovingly she accepts this, and he knows she’s his for a reason…

Because, because…

“..you love me.” he groans, deep and gravelly.

His words appear to wash over her then and sink into her skin as her lips tremble.

“Yes, baby.” she said, dangling the words through gasps.

Before she even finished he was ending, like the mere sound of her ravished voice was all he needed. His head rose up like a wolf to the moon as he howled and bellowed through his climax. He shut his eyes hard, his hips thrashed against her as he let the feeling chase away the dark. The bright light of paradise behind his lids flooded and bathed the fogginess in a silky yellow glow.

And as quick as the feeling of peace came on it was already floating away from him. Ragged breaths rip from his chest as he looked down and peered at her through strands of hair. She was smiling, but it lacked in her eyes.

He felt docile, tamed even, as his thoughts cleared from feral needs. The smile on her face had vanished. Tight and vacant eyes looked back at him. Bucky wrapped his arm around her shoulders gently. With one strong motion he had Awenha sat up and facing him. Tenderly he brushed the curls away from her face tilting her head up.

“Did I hurt you?” he whispered softly. “Baby.” His voice cracked.

Guilt twisted his soul, it stabbed and poked at his chest until he felt sick. His mind turned and whirled over what he had done. And what he was willing to do if it meant he didn’t have to think or feel the trauma. He felt the heat in his cheeks and he could feel it on her as well when he longingly wiped and rubbed her cheeks hoping to get an answer.

“I’m okay.” she spoke just above a whisper. It sounded like a ghostly shadow of the voice he recognized. So Bucky grabbed her under the arm as he helped her to the side of the bed. She felt stiff in his arm that both terrified him and extinguished any hope in him that she felt safe.

The guilt was determined to remind him and support the growing feeling of madness in vividly ugly flashes. They blitzed through his mind as he helped her off the bed. And they suffocated the hope, and filled him up with despair when she sniffled.

He walked her into the pale light of the window. He worriedly rubbed with his thumb and fingers at her the side of her neck as he sought reassurance. His eyes raked over her features desperate for her to say something, anything that would let him know where this was leading. Tears were sliding down the smooth brown skin of her cheeks.

“Please don’t cry sugar.” he begged with a deep pained voice. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing time to turn back so he could correct it. “Wenha.” he whispered.

“I’m okay.” she repeated shakily. Her hands touched his beard carefully, tentatively like he was going to float away. He finally opened his eyes to the feeling of her touch toppling the fear building within him.

“You didn’t hurt me.” she said, her voice now sounding stronger.

Her hands delicately moved down his jaw to his neck then chest. “I think I scared myself.” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked, worry grew with the creases on his forehead.

“I get lost in you as much as you lose yourself in me.” she said in a quavery voice.

“Do I scare you?” he asked, his eyes fixed on her.

“No.” she said firmly, though breathlessly. But in the shadow of distant eyes and the wrinkle of shock on her brows, he wondered.

“If there is one person I feel safe with, Bucky. It’s you.” said Awenha.


	17. Three

March 10th 2017

  
Maybe her heart wasn’t made for this. Awenha studied the reflection that stared back at her. The steady love-dove thump in her chest kept her aware. It honed in her perceptions and rescued her from peril. But this time it was faltering and clogged up with fathomless questions.

Brown eyes blinked brightly back. Any normal person would have run the opposite direction, the circumstances were too wild too intense. She tilted her head from side to side as her eyes examined the flush of pink-orange that crept in to her cheeks. She pressed a cool hand to the hot skin of her neck.

Bucky wasn’t intense in the way that flame roars and burns. He smoldered, and she was well aware that while flame-less he could be prone to combustion. Being near his heat overwhelmed her and sustained her. Like every atom she was made up of buzzed and tingled when he challenged her limits. It filled her up and kept the doubts at bay. But in those moments she couldn’t help but feel her heart being bruised.

She splashed cold water from the basin on to her face and let it sink in. Her heart was not fragile or prone to shatter easily. The beat of it was consistent when everything else went to hell. It thumped and kept her alive during Berlin, and pumped through the deaths of her parents. It had become the steady beat in the background to the noise around her. But she worried about how other people handled it, how he handled it.

She had never known another Bucky except within the device. The stripped down, softer man of that place paled to the man she knew in the present.

Maybe Steve could have seen the obvious shift in him.

But she knew this Bucky in this time. And sometimes, in his sullen moods, knowing him could be a devastating experience. She would meet his icy glares with indifference and he would take it as a challenge. He wanted everything. It was never enough to skim over her thoughts with him. He wanted more, needed more from her than what she was willing to give up. He had fire for experiences that demanded something of her she couldn’t yet define.

Awenha wiped her hands quickly on a napkin as the water dried from the heat of her skin. Searing eyes glanced back up at the mirror impervious to the thoughts she mulled over. She gently tucked in lose curly strands back into the mass of tight ringlets at the top of her head.

Bucky had never been reckless with her heart. At least not in the world crushing soul sucking sort of way. He was sensual, calm. And in touch with the darkness that slid under his tender demeanor.

Maybe that made him more dangerous.

She could still feel the impression of his lips on the thickest part of her thigh even as she preened into the mirror applying a fresh coat of lipstick. She smudged wide lips together concentrating on that action instead of the heat that crawled from her torso to vee.

He was patient, to a point. Make her wait days, driving her body mad in order to prove he was right. His slick way of control in the darkest of wants was to be asked for. And when she finally found her voice, he made her beg. Admittedly, she was willful but so was Bucky and he always found her tipping point. An edge she willfully had to fall over. It bound her to him in that regard. She trusted him with her heart. And within the shared experience of new and difficult instances, she flourished.

Awenha took in her festive appearance the sound of laughter muffled through the door. She ignored the jittery energy that waited on the other side. Her heart was made for this, she thought as a smidge of smile began to form on her lips with the heat in her chest. She adjusted the simple short navy blue dress around her tight warm belly.

Her eyes looked back at her image a last time as she dabbed at sweat under her nose. As she gazed her vision wavered. The objects around her shimmered and blurred like the cast off of heat. Her skin hummed. She heard a crackle in the air as it expanded around her. The bundle of nerves grew as she felt the heat of her skin radiate.

“Hey, Wenha?” called Bucky.

Awenha snapped her head in the direction of the closed door. Anxious and feeling sick, her breath faltered as she shifted back to the mirror. It was gone.

“Coming!” she called back.

The image in the mirror blurred as she moved to the door and opened it to a pink faced Bucky. His finger tapped on the door frame as he looked her over once before peering over his shoulder. A little shaky, Awenha followed his line of sight.

Shuri and Yuki were dominating a pair of men in a game the likes Bucky had never seen. They shouted and dipped as the devices in their hands shot out holographic blasts.

Bucky turned back to her his brows raised high. “Let’s get out of here.” he said.

Awenha pushed the experience away and searched his expression. The softer lines around his eyes were hard. He was on edge. Perhaps it was something as simple as a sound. But she saw it in his eyes, the dampness on his brow, and felt the urgency as he intertwined his fingers within hers. He was set off. And they walked together as she watched him blow a breath threw pursed lips, he drew their hands to his chest protectively.

Her fingers tingled with numbness as they passed the shouting. Awenha glanced at Shuri and Yuki who were jumping up and down cheering. Bucky laughed tightly as he nudged his head toward the score.

“They never had a chance.” he said.

Awenha hurriedly waved at Yuki who turned with hands to hip and narrowed eyes.

“Where are you going? We just won?!” she shouted.

“I’m going. We’ll meet for lunch! Promise!” Awenha called back.

They stepped out into the sticky humid evening. He threw his head back and breathed in deep. He was regaining focus, she thought, as he stared at the path before them, his grip relaxed the further they walked from the game hall.

“Feels amazing out here tonight.” he said. And she looked over at him he was beaming from ear to ear.

“It feels disgusting out here.” she retorted and immediately felt the water vapor collecting on her skin.

“’Better than the cold.” He said quietly and looked at her from the corner of his eye.

He dropped her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her in close as their hips bumped against each other. Awenha smiled up at him as she wrapped her hand around his pointer finger. He gave her a quick peck on the temple with a smile spreading over his lips.

Goosebumps erupted down the side of her body where he laid his kiss. The rabbit’s foot pace of her heart thumped, blood rushed through her heightening the sensation of his open hand gliding down her back. 

“I can think of another place that’s just as warm.” he whispered into her ear. “Just as wet.” he hummed, sliding his hand down the curve of her ass.

Her head jerked up. His eyes now dark and glassy in the evening light peered down, assessing her reaction.

Her eyes shifted nervously to the people passing them in the street. “Look at me.” he said, stopping and people parted around them. The soft grounding tone of his voice brought her back to his eyes. His knuckles grazed around her jaw to her neck.

“It’s just us.”

“Uh huh.” she said with a laugh then playfully pushed his stomach.

He held his hand up, innocently as he smiled. “What?”

“I see where your mind goes. Straight to personal satisfaction.”

“You get something out of it too.” said Bucky. He laughed as she walked away. She rolled her eyes and he immediately caught up to her.

“Hey,” he said, holding her shoulders as they walked. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything feels off. I feel weird.” She said.

“Well you’re carrying what looks to be a ten pound baby.”

“I’m not that big!” she hissed and she pushed his hand off her shoulder.

“You’re not.” He laughed. “I mean it.” said Bucky as he held her by the arms still stifling a laugh. “I’m sorry it was a bad joke. ‘come on.”

Wearily she looked back up at him. “It’s not funny Bucky. I feel odd. And it’s not just because I’m pregnant.” she said.

“Okay. Then what is it.” he said, sizing her up.

“I don’t know. It feels like it’s more than me. Bigger, like something is happening but…” said Awenha remembering the moment in the bathroom she thought better than to concern him.

“There is a lot goin’ on. You aren’t wrong.” He said cupping her cheek. “We’re about to be three. That feels pretty odd to me. But we’ll get through it. Right?”

Awenha started to speak but caught the look of quiet worry settling in his brows. 

“Ya. It’s a big moment for us.” said Awenha.

* * *

March 15th 2017

“They made you do it.” She had said softly while holding a pile of baby laundry close to her chest. Wild hairs sprung from the back of a misshapen bun as she hurriedly shook her head. Awenha dropped to her knees still clingy to the dirty linen as she peered up at him. He noticed the ashen shadows under brown eyes that stared at him intensely.

“Bucky you were not in control then.” she said, grabbing his hand as the clothes fell from her grasp.

“She’s tiny.” He said, though his voice sounded small and strained.

His eyes wandered over her shoulder before landing on the cradle.

“You protect her.” she said, much slower and gentler than what she was feeling. “Bucky, you’ve walk through hell and you’ve done it at great risk to yourself, all to protect others.”

He seemed to stir and mull over her words with a flex in his jaw but his eyes stayed on the crib. Pink crept into the sides of his cheeks and the tip of his nose.

“You stopped running.” she continued.

Awenha saw a tear glided down near his nose that disappeared into his beard.

“And you won’t hurt her.”

Bucky’s eyes came back to her, blood-shot but steady as he looked her over. She saw concern and something indefinable in his expression. “I won’t.” he said.

Awenha gave a sure nod as Bucky got to his feet his eyes scanned over to the crib. She followed behind him as he walked to where their baby slept. She stepped to his side as her dark eyes glanced over his face keen to see the change in his expression. From the last few weeks the grudgingly nervous way he held his brows anytime he looked at their child was disappearing. She watched him reach in and sweep fingers around the chub of her cheeks.

“You haven’t given her a name.” he said, with a soft smile growing as an indention in his beard.

“We haven’t.” she corrected.

Awenha moved over the crib scooping the baby into her arms Bucky watched intently at first. She held her supporting her neck and bottom as she motioned to him to cup his arm. The look of shock rippled over his face and his heart began to beat fast as he looked down at his daughter.

“There you go.” Awenha said placing the baby into his arm. “Happy be-lated 100th birthday.” she mumbled.

He stiffly held her as his eyes jubilantly fixed on the small features of her face.

“I think she has my dimple.” he whispered, almost reverently.

Bucky’s face rose to Awenha, the look of amazement covered his expression. 

“She’s wonderful.” he said.

Awenha nodded and looked down lovingly at her. “Do you have a name for her?” she asked.

Bucky’s eyes returned to the baby as he looked over her once more. He could only think of one name. It was a peaceful word that he remembered one person having, which at one point in his life meant the world to him.

“Have you thought of a name?” he said, his eyes looking up at Awenha.

“I’ve always loved the name Namazzi. Azie for short. It means water.”

He looked back down at their daughter. Of course, it was perfect he thought. Water was vast, patient, and adaptable and moved through the world changing everything it touched. And she was water, he looked into small dark eyes, she flowed from them. He didn’t resist the adoration beginning to fill him to the top of his soul.

“What about Azie Winnifred?” he said, nervously then looked back at Awenha.

A bright smile appeared on her face as she nodded. Tears brimmed her eyes while a small relieved chuckle left her lips.

“I think it’s a perfect name.” she said, grinning at Bucky.

Bucky turned back to Azie and place the smallest of pecks upon her dimpled chin.

“She has your eyes.” said Bucky.

Awenha stepped back, her eyes lingered on the baby as she began to pick up the dirty laundry again.

“Those are my mother’s eyes.” said Awenha tilting her head to look at Azie clearer. “And those are my dad’s brows…I took after them.”

“You never talk about them.” said Bucky.

Awenha shifted the clothes in her arms.

“They’re dead.” She said quietly.

“Do you think they would be proud?” He asked.

Awenha nodded as a smile began in the corner of her mouth.

“They would be inconsolable with excitement.” she said. The thought of her mother cooing after a baby mellowed some of the sadness.

“They would also be scared.”

“Scared? Because of me?” He asked.

Awenha stared at Bucky for a moment then walked away hardly knowing where to begin she tossed the clothes into a basket near the door. She hadn’t so much as mentioned the otherness of her family to him. He had never asked why she wasn’t fully accepted in Wakanda. And in turn she had never told him. The path of their relationship was barely normal itself. The mountain of trauma they climbed together made little room for vents of past events. It was only now, when it mattered the most, that the little bit of truth she did know could be shared.

In a huff she turned around. Bucky carefully placed the sleeping Azie back down in the crib with his one arm. His eyes watched for a moment before he stepped away back across the room toward Awenha.

“What’s going on?” he said in a low voice.

“My parents and I are part of the Golden Tribe.” She began in a hushed voice and Bucky looked confused but listened intently.

“The royal blood line flows to our current King. Azie and I are considered cousins because we share a past King with T’Challa. We don’t have rights to the throne and there was a time when our family was seen as outsiders. Maybe to a few we still are.”

A light bubbly sigh floated from the crib. Awenha’s eyes darted there and then back to Bucky.

“My grandmother N’Juri is the daughter of N’Baza of Golden Tribe and Titanis an Eternal.”

Bucky cocked his head his eyes narrowed as he chewed the inside of his mouth.

“Titanis is an Eternal, an ancient and immortal race of beings on Earth.” she said flatly as Bucky just stared at her blankly.

“Titanis fell in love with N’Baza.” said Awenha, the words of her father came clattering into her memories. “She wanted their child to stay and be safe in Wakanda but N’Baza’s brother wouldn’t allow it. She gifted the King with templates of technology to spark their imaginations. Not that they needed much. But it was received. She was the warrior who taught his Dora Milaje the Kjak stick fighting style. In return she only asked that her family be loved as the King would love his own and to allow her descendants to serve Wakanda.” she said.

“Your mother was one of these beings?” Bucky asked as he shifted where he stood.

Awenha shook her sadly. “My father was of Titanis.”

“But he died.” he said quietly.

“I haven’t checked the city of the dead lately Bucky.” she continued in a hurried whisper.

He narrowed his blue eyes so tightly it looked like they were closed as he stared at her.

“My grandmother has already been called by Titanis. I assumed my father would find his way there eventually after he healed. But I'm not sure of anything really...”

Awenha shrugged as she looked away to the floor.

“Wouldn’t he come here? To see you, to make sure you were okay?” he said with quiet surprise.

“No.” she said with certainty. “It was my mother that held us together Bucky. She was mortal and the love of his whole immortal life. So he stayed where _she_ was comfortable.”

Awenha crossed her arms over her chest. She watched Bucky’s face relaxed as he thought and looked back at his daughter.

“Do they have abilities?” he said, and turned back to Awenha as his eyes shifted in thought. “Like Thor?”

“Possibly.” she said, and crossed the small space between them. “I haven’t looked into Asgardian lore much. I-I know there have been many splintered communities since their creation.”

“Creation?” said Bucky, his gaze hardened.

“Ancient space gods created them.” said Awenha, wincing slightly.

Bucky stepped back his eyes wearily peered back at her.

“I know-It’s weird.” she said and he nervously rubbed his neck.

“Do you have abilities?” he asked, his arm fell then plunged it into his pocket.

“My father explained that it’s like an awakening, at least for our family.” she said.

“How old are you?” He asked quietly.

Awenha scoffed quietly. Bucky was already grazing her cheek as she uncrossed her arms.

“I think it’s a fair question considering.” Bucky said. He rubbed a thumb over her lips then deliberately hooked a finger under her chin.

“I’m thirty-six and still much younger than you are Bucky.” she said, and jutted her jaw out defiantly. It soared through her mind that maybe he was angry with her. That not only was their baby a mix of what they did to him, but also with something as foreign as she. The thought went as fast as it came when Bucky smiled warmly.

“Would it have mattered if I said 100?” she whispered.

His hand traced to the back of her neck. She melted into him as his hand rubbed around her back. Bucky buried his face into her neck. And Awenha sighed into the warm air gathering around her. The burden felt light within, her heart beat steadily as the gathering calm focused her mind to the moment.

She felt his warm breath in her ear. The soft marked pants made her shudder. “Not in a million years doll.” said Bucky. 


	18. Appendage

Bucky threw the sack of feed harder than usual. Sweat flew off his body. Retracted muscles in motion delivered the cart with another sack of goat feed. Another was thrown and then another in the same manner until he was satisfied that his job was complete. Today's job was carried out with a heavy mind. Irritating and annoyingly so every pause was filled thoughts. A new arm. Nobody seemed to want to let it go. Especially him, with his cold water eyes as he looked upon their bright eyed optimism. Her optimism, her cheerful eyes. They illuminated hope and crazed with intention to help.

The Winter Soldier was the weapon. They didn’t understand, he thought, how could they know that arm meant death not hope. The hallowed eyed machine that expelled life from this world without any cause of the consequences was his past. He wasn’t that anymore. The shards that allowed him to become the Asset, the Soldat no longer floated across a damaged mind. The fragmented consciousness of the weapon no longer lived within him.

He suspected one day he would have to choose. Bucky straightened his back as he looked over his work. Either by circumstance or need, he might have to fight. And this time it would be his choice on which side he stood. And he would have to choose wisely. War and battles reminded him of the pile of bodies he had already added to the dirt. Howard’s boy, the face of Tony Stark vengeful and hurt eyes was now burned into his memories came to his mind. The man deserved an apology and who rightfully demanded justice. Bucky could give him neither.

Awenha had said she could feel something bigger than herself. She wasn’t wrong. He would be lying to himself if he said he couldn’t feel it too. Everyday felt heavier and harder to define why it sat stiff on his shoulders. Why it shook him awake at night with terrors he hadn’t seen since his break from Hydra. It crawled over his mind like the dragging of her nails up the skin of his back. It was obscene and felt ancient in the tragic way war and death brought people together.

She refused to let it go. She hinted and dotted their conversations with it. As if the light handed touch she used was gentler. He hated that. Her peppered hopeful words made it worse for her when he refused the thought of a new arm. It hurt her. She brought it on herself, he reminded himself often when he had second thoughts of the words he used. He wasn’t indecisive. It was she that refused to listen. 

Bucky adjusted the last sack of feed and with it the completion of his ten hour day. Bucky hopped on the small van that pulled up, he followed two other Merchant Tribe members coming home from the sheds. He took a seat in the back so he could look out the window and be moody in private. The men spoke loud and sang. Bucky caught a few words enough to know they were happy to go home. He on the other hand wasn’t looking forward to the conversation he was bound to have with Awenha.

“I’m not doing it.” said Bucky as he called back behind him. He walked through their bedroom door smelling of sweat and dirt and headed for the shower. Awenha’s footfalls followed behind him while Azie’s wobbly hard steps lingered in the background.

“Bucky, you are turning down an opportunity.” said Awenha who glanced back at Azie who was walking, though unsteady, back down the hall. 

Bucky stopped in their room he turned to her as he began to peel off his shirt. “That arm isn’t going on.” He said, darkly. He tossed the shirt into a basket. “I won’t have that on.” he continued. His hand rested low on his hip as he rolled his shoulders towards her. “I think you want it for you. Not me.” he challenged.

Awenha’s eyes moved over his body caught off guard by his stance and his words she struggled for a response. The pause was long enough to make him mad.

“I’m whole, just like this.” said Bucky, his voice soft and contentious.

“You would still be whole with a new arm too.” she said, and cast her eyes to his.

“No!” he bit off.

“Why? Why are you against it? The world we live-“ said Awenha, she brought her hands up as if to grip thin air.

“I don’t care about the world!” he shouted. Bucky started to pace but stopped as he rounded on her again. “The people in here! The people in this house are my first concern.” He said in a low voice. The beginnings of pink were settling around the skin of his brows and eyes.

Awenha crossed her arms in front her of chest. “Well, we live in this world.” she began, her brows rose high as she looked him over. “As beautiful and intense as it is to exist here, it comes at a price. And one day you’re going to have to fight for it. It’s just who you are.” she said.

With a burning look Bucky unbuttoned his pants while she stood there watching him with calculating eyes. He’d gone silent and met her cool consideration with fire. He hooked his thumb in the hip of his pants challenging her as he bared the veins of his waist. The valley between his brows deepened with every small step he took towards her. Long dark brown hair caressed the tops of his shoulders at it swayed. His reprimanding and naked glare connected with her. A promise passed silently between them when his eyes lingered around the curves of her body.

“You want to push me? Maybe, I should push back?” he asked with relish.

Bucky’s presence took over her vision – cool-headed and defiant as always he crowded her.

Awenha could feel the heat of his body on her forearms. “Step back.” she threatened in a small voice, the blush on her skin coursed up to her neck.

“’Never know when to let shit go.” whispered Bucky, accusingly.

“Just be honest.” said Awenha, now feeling she was on the defensive.

Bucky tilted his head back seemingly relaxed in his regard for the woman standing in front of him as he searched her face with a fixed penetrating stare.

“I’m tired.” whispered Buky in a constricted voice. Awenha’s eyes widened with understanding and unfolded her arms to grab his hand. “I don’t want to lose myself again.” he said.

From his hand to his face Awenha held him in her hands. “You’re identity belongs to you.” she said.

“Trust it again. Because I know you do! Even if you say you don’t, I see it!” she pleaded. “’In how you adore Azie, how you take care of those stinking goats,” she said through a dissolving laugh. “And how you love me.” she added.

“How?” said Bucky, though his voice sounded rather cold.

Sensing his mood wasn’t improving by touch alone she dropped her hands. “You see me for who I am.” said Awenha. “And you trust me.”

There was a long pause between them, and Bucky slowly seemed to be coming around to her words. He didn’t smile. Precisely and diligently his eyes raked over her features quickly. He brought his hand up over her shoulder and rested the weight of his arm there. He drew her in close to him that she could smell the sweat of his day. He bundled a fist full of her hair gently forcing her to tilt up to him.

“You’re a smart girl.” said Bucky. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers.

Awenha smiled sharply and lovingly. For a moment she felt calm in the fact that perhaps he had heard her words. It certainly felt that way as he rolled his forehead against her.

“You should focus your attention elsewhere,” said Bucky, his breath calmly fell on her lips. “And stop trying to turn me into one of your projects.”

Fragments of hurt and shock shot through Awenha who opened her eyes to Bucky’s. He was already staring down at her seriously and waiting for her reaction. Roughly she pulled his hand from around her hair and swooped from under his arm. With a sharp look of disdain Awenha shook her head. Narrowed eyes looked him over once more before she stalked out of the room.

* * *

Bucky sat at Awenha’s workstation as he tinkered with a few gadgets. He welcomed the break in work at the goat farm. The lab was messy with stacks of used and discarded tech lying around the room. He was singularly focused, for now. Bucky held the long cylinder to his body as he slid on the legs locking all four in place, and then fastened the head and tail. Everything fit perfectly into place. Bucky put it back on the table his eyes moved over it approvingly then reached for the tablet. He grinned and he pressed the buttons to activate it.

“Winnie!” he called softly. Gibberish echoed back his tone.

Bucky picked up the toy then whirled around on the stool to place it on the floor just as a chunky legged toddler walked over to him. The mechanical goat took its first lazily awkward strides toward Azie. Bright dark brown eyes watched fascinated as it bounced with every step toward her. Small chubby hands slapped to her cheeks and then smiled as she shrieked. She looked at Bucky shocked and he motioned her to check it out. Azie bent at her waist she peered down at it with a big two-tooth smile.

“There and now he’s yours Winnie.” Bucky said as he paired it with her kimoyo beads.

Azie ran in circles and the goat followed. When she stopped it walked to her, then she would start running again. More joy than he ever thought he deserved Bucky observed his daughter play with his creation. Her bouncing tightly coiled hair floated as she ran, her eyes dazzled when it came too close. The colorful beads on her ankles rattled as she stomped. Bucky leaned back against the station with a smile.

“Watch yourself!” said Bucky motioning her with a sweeping hand through the air to watch the stack of boxes. But she simple did it anyway and ducked behind them.

Awenha and Shuri walked in with a large long box. Bucky’s eyes shifted from Azie to the pair suspiciously.

“I finished it.” He said pointing toward the toy goat.

“It looks so ugly!” said Shuri. “You will scare her with that Bucky!”

Azie wiggled her fingers at her side, hardly able to keep the jittery energy inside her small frame as she jumped up and down. Suddenly and bounding she laughed hysterically as the goat jumped into her arms.

“She loves it.” He said, and waved his hand in Azie and her goat’s direction.

“Then you are going to love this then!” Awenha said excitedly as they put the box down on a bench near him.

The two of them lifted the lid and within the lined box laid a gold laced dark vibranium left arm. Bucky shot up from his seat. He stared down at it for a moment before looking at Awenha.

Awenha and Shuri exchanged glances before she took a tentative step toward him. Instead she stopped when he looked at her hard, his brows dipped low his lips tight as he flexed his jaw.

“I’m not putting it on. I won’t.” he said.

“Buc-“ Awenha began to speak and Bucky gave the arm one last look then walked off.

“If there’s a fight, let me know.” he said as he held Azie who held her new friend.

The night came too quickly for Awenha. She bent over Azie’s bed to place a light kiss on her cheek as she slept. The light clicked off as she crept from the room. She traveled down the short hall toward their room where pale light glowed out into the hall. An unhelpful thought about her persistence with Bucky slowed her down. He hadn’t responded as she had hoped. Bare feet rooted to the stone floor as she took a deep breath. It happened often enough for her to feel nervous in this moment. She had learned to curb her reactions in front him though it did little to help with her impatience.

When Awenha entered the room Bucky was already in bed. More like lying in wait from her perspective, with his body, wearing only a pair of boxer briefs laid half in and on top of the covers as he stretched an arm behind his head. It was an improvement from earlier in the day. Awenha peeled off a short robe and laid it across the corner of the bed. Her eyes glanced over at his pensively restful face then turned off the light.

The room went dark, save for the little glow of pale white from the window. As soon as her body hit the bed she felt Bucky’s body enveloped her. His hand warmed through the soft silk of her gown to her belly. The hot skin of his chest pressed into her back. “Is she down for the count?” he whispered into her ear before kissing her cheek tenderly. A muffled “ _Uh mmm_ ” hummed from her lips as she snuggled into bed.

“You know you’re in trouble, right?” he said, his voice was clear- razor sharp.

Confused and a bit daring she leaned back to look at his ghostly lit face in the dark. “I’m in trouble? If you weren’t so hard-headed I wouldn’t have-“

Bucky pressed a few fingers over her soft lips.

“You can’t talk your way out.” said Bucky, his eyes roamed over her face. “Not this time.”

A few seconds passed in silence and with it the gray in his eyes gave way to the pupil. Her heart raced and she could barely look into the eyes. The odd way he stared at her was familiar. Intense and tightly focused. It was the look he had before he gave in. Like he considered the cost of what he was about to do and forgave himself all at the same time.

Bucky drug his fingers across her lips, over her chin and down to her throat where he wrapped the entirety of his hand. The nerve endings of her skin flicked and flashed arousal as he squeezed. But with a rush panic she pulled at his wrist.

“Don’t be grumpy.” said Bucky velvety then rubbed his nose into her hair and breathed in.

“You are.” she said between breaths.

Lightening fast, Bucky pushed onto her shoulder. Her heart thumped in her chest. His face was a hairs breadth away from her. “Be quiet.” he said, his voice was hard, absolute.

His eyes stared fixed on her. The moment held with the breath caught in her chest. Awenha swallowed and felt the pressure of his grip as the muscles in her neck worked. A mix of fear and willfulness had her squeezing and pulling at his wrist.

His eyes flicked down to the hold she had on him. “Let go.” said Bucky.

Intently he cast his eyes back to her face. He was watching her in the intense strict way that made her know better than to resist. And the will to challenge him died under his gaze. She released his wrist, her fingers glided up his forearm, the other yieldingly stroked his beard.

“That’s my girl.” he chided, a happy grin spread across his lips but in a flash, the smile faded. “Now take off your panties.”

She moved her hands to her hips.

“It looks like you can listen pretty well when you want to.” said Bucky licking lips and watching her wiggle a hand between their bodies.

She pushed and shoveled under the strain of his grip. The panties slipped from her hands onto the floor then spread her legs. Unadulterated want bubbled into her expression as he watched her. His well practiced focus met her eyes. The voices of her mind silenced. Eager to please him, she began to rub the sensitive skin of her clit.

“No.” he said quietly. “You can't control this.”

His lips press onto her mouth. He was softer than she expected. Almost tender with his approach in contrast to the hold around her throat. Her heart beat at a panicked pace as he kissed her slowly. She could feel it in him. The quiet cold control he was wielding under her reaction.

Their mouths sucked and nipped at one another. She tried to take more than he gave. With every kiss she apologized. And every touch she tried to convey that she didn’t want to push him. The silkiness of his lips brushed against her chin along with the bite of his beard. Delight- the sensation within her belly tightened as she squeezed her thighs together. And when his hand left her throat, whimpers trickled from her mouth when his hand spread her legs.

The back of his nails dragged down her thigh. Skin pebbled into gooseflesh. She panted desperate quick breaths as he swirled around her clit. A string of rattling curses fell from her lips. Guttural and primal she gripped his hand pushing him harder into her pelvis. Bucky could see her acceptance as he snatched up wetness and want with every stroke. The distinct cascading fall of her reserve never failed to drive him. Selfishly he played on her body gauging each reaction he caused. He watched her gulp as she tried to suckle from the air. And his eyes wandered to the taut muscles of her plush thighs as she struggled against his arm. Her response focused his need. Bucky’s eyes flew back to her face as he plunged two fingers passed her folds submerging them to the last knuckle. She rolled her head shamefully away from him as she moaned deep.

“You can’t get out of this that easy.” he said prickly.

Bucky pulled his fingers from body as she whimpered and let go of his hand hesitantly. He was up and over her with his feet on the floor before she opened her eyes.

“Get on your knees.” his voice was steely, the metallic tone stuck inside her ears.

The clanging in her head was fading with his voice at the center. Tension filled the air between them as she slid from the bed to her knees at his command. Begging eyes stared up at him, she longed for the familiar rush of stillness of mind. But he didn’t move, instead she knew he expected her to comply. And she did, by the bones of her knees they burned under her weight on the hard stone of the floor as she crawled toward him.

Bucky’s eyes matched the tone of his voice when she pulled at his underwear and slid them down his thighs. The tip of his veiny long cock flopped out and grazed her full lips. She sucked spit into her mouth trying to prepare to accommodate him. But he pushed passed her mouth. The head parted her lips and slid onto her tongue.

She would have loved to have lusciously licked at it but within a few stokes he had buried half of himself in her mouth. Gagging already Awenha pushed against his hips.

He knocked at her left hand. “Put your fucking hands behind your back and suck me off.” he snarled.

Bucky grabbed the back of her head nesting a bed of coiled curls in his fist. He yanked her head back opening her mouth and throat as he drove the length in. “Look at you.” he scoffed. He used her hair as a handle, a base to hold her to him.

“Needy girl...” he groaned. A strangled gasp shot out around another plunge. Slick in her mouth and slick between her legs he slid passed her tonsils. Squirming and gagging he took her throat.

Hard jagged features blurred as she stared up at him. Humiliation, the warm friend she knew all too well began to settle in. It mixed with the tears, spit, and sweat sliding down her face. He did it. Turning her inside out with lust from his savagery. Always, it was him. He made her accept it the craven wants.

Any lack of warmth from her mouth was met with force. The hinge of her jaw ached and burned under the weight of his fast paced pumps. And just before she thought about giving up, to fight back he released her. Gasping and wheezing she crumpled to her ass. Shock spread across swollen lips.

“Just because you _want_ to do something,” with a steady hand he pushed back the hair from his face. “Doesn’t mean you will get your way with me.” said Bucky.

Shock turned to anger as she wiped the spit from her mouth with the back of her hand. She glared up at him. Bucky tipped his head at her reaction and decided it as defiance and he reached for her. His grip inhumanly tight hauled her up from the floor.

Strained and disheveled he settled her against him. “Stop struggling.” he demanded viciously. With each push against his chest Bucky wrangled her in. “’Always scared?” he sneered and walked her backward to the bed. “Scared, big girl.” said Bucky with a smile.

Embarrassed, wide eyes turned to the dark corners of the room. “No, no. No!” he said, his voice growing more harsh with every word. He grabbed her jaw forcing her attention back at him. “Don’t turn away from me.” he snarled.

Blood rushed to her head. She didn’t know whether to be insulted or turned on but she kissed him anyway. Frantically her lips moved over his trying to prove to him. Perhaps even persuade him to understand. The sound of suction pitched into the room when Bucky ripped her away.

“So you do like it?” said Bucky accusingly and used his full power to push her back on to the bed. He scornfully chuckled. She scuffled back across the covers and lost traction as he yanked on her ankle to drag her back to where he knelt on the bed. “Well, you’re going to love this.” he said thickly.

With a slap in the air her legs slammed shut. By body weight and brute force Bucky pushed his way between her legs. “Shh.” he said, tumbling over her waist and over taking her easily. He was already near the heat of her cunt when she gasped at the grip he had on her neck.

In close he could smell her heat, it mixed with fading scent of himself on her lips. His chest pressed on her breasts the hum pitter-patter of her heart vibrated against him. And without recourse, Bucky pushed the length of his cock into the wet mess of her cunt to the hilt. “You did this.” he said, he stroked out and then in once more. “Take it.”

The fury in her eyes faded. The shadows of the room ran long across her face and Bucky could see the pleasure. His head dropped near her ear. He loved being close. Invading and gauging what he was doing to her he listened to her breathes. The groan from his throat tingled and hummed across her skin. “I know when your pussy clamps down like this,” he said between groans. “That you’re mine…”

A gush of wetness dripped to his balls. “You can’t even get wet if you don’t fight back.” he moaned.

Her cunt clinched and he sighed hungrily fanning the air into her ear. “That’s right, doll.” Bucky whispered. “Cum all over my dick.”

On the cusp of bliss she rode out the emptiness of her mind. Holding her breath and embracing the blankness all she could feel was Bucky inside her. Bit by agonized bit he pushed and filled the coming cohesion she was achieving.

“Mine.” he whispered darkly.

She was sore and soaked. Thighs spread wide and high against his ribcage he thrusted deeper than ever. Her orgasm spread over her crushing and weakening the hold she was sustaining until she was little more than a puddle of tears.

Bucky lovingly brushed the side of his face in her tears. “Cry, sugar.” he sighed. “Make me cum in that tight little hole..” he rasped.

The gentle pitch of his voice carried her. To where, she didn’t know but she hoped it was also bliss. Because his hips hit harder, the knock of him against her cervix threatened to break her. He kissed at the tears. Pain and delight swirled inside and tip-toed between knowing and rejection. He moaned in her ear, the sound of his softer side guided her. It begged her to follow him, to stay with him just a little longer.

His hips thrashed deep a few more times. Growls and moans followed in her ear and on her chest as it rattled his ribcage. Awenha’s hands wrapped around Bucky’s shaky shoulders bringing him in deeper into her embrace. He finally released the hold on her throat. Rough breathes followed as he looked at her. In the dim light of darkness she could see the passing haze of resentment in his eyes.

He sat up and moved into his spot in the bed. “Come here.” said Bucky but Awenha didn’t move, only watched from her back. “Doll, come to me.” he said softly.

She moved toward him cautiously, she crawled into his arm and laid her timid head on his chest. The sound of his heart beat was slowing. His breaths now recovered to a restful pace in her ear.

“I’m just going to lay here with you, okay.” he said and kissed the top of her head. “Until you fall asleep in my arm.”

Bucky rubbed his hand over her arm. Delicately, tenderly he danced over her skin with his fingers. Warmly the palm of his hand caressed the rolls of her waist. His hand swept over the top of her naked hip where he rested it.

“You know, at that festival? I remember you were so beautiful.” said Bucky his hand returned to her waist and held her close. “I wanted you then. But you were distant. Scared.” he said.

“But not like before. In Berlin. When I woke up I thought a lot about it.” he said, but Awenha imaged his voice sounded as light as his far away thoughts. “I could still smell you on my skin after. All the way up to Siberia. I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to make it right. I wanted to make it right with all of them.” said Bucky.

She wrapped her arm around his chest. The sound of his voice and heart beat mixed in her ears.

“But it all worked out didn’t it?” he said quietly. “I made you mine.” he whispered.

“I pushed you because I’m afraid.” she fretted.

Bucky nuzzled his nose into the mass of curls. She felt him inhale and the hold he had around her waist tighten.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of.” he whispered.


	19. The Blip

* * *

_Bucky Barnes emerged from unconsciousness. A few seconds later his eyes opened to blurry double vision, within a few blinks the sharpened hyper- focus returned. The umbrella trees shook with the shaky aftershocks of battle. A flushing gold light filled the space around him. It felt heavy, ancient and hung in the air with the enormity of what happened as it faded. The smooth brown dirt under him was on his face and in his nose, seconds passed as the conflict rattled the Earth. It would have been hysterical if this wasn’t real. Their team was divided and vastly outnumbered but they fought anyway. They could win. Would win, because they were courageous. Victory was for those who earned it in blood and bodies, right?_

_The day had started out with the promise of a fight. It summoned within him the old edgy excitement for power over life and death. And for a war ravished mind, it was like coming home. But this home was not built on love, the foundation was built with destruction and on the thrill of killing. Sane people rarely confessed to these atrocities out loud. It sat inside, secured its place in the dark heart of things never mentioned._

_He had thought it would destroy his mind. But it rushed through him giving him purpose. It was a skill. His talent. And he fuckin’ loved it. The starry fireball of anticipation shot over the dark landscape of war that raged from within him. One, then two, and soon the stack of bodies were so high he lost count. The alien forces got as much as they gave. Time slowed giving him sharpness in his hits. With vivid blue eyes, he set them on his targets and pulled them to the ground. Blood and guts, by gun or by knife those he came up against died at his hand. And he felt the weapon that he was flex within._

_It always ended in a fight._

“This arm has zero lag time. It is integrated into its own neural synapses. But you will get use to it. And it is far lighter than the clunky one you had.” said Shuri. The young woman pulled a few connected wires from underneath the panel in his arm pit.

Bucky didn’t respond right away. His eyes focused on the ground as Shuri spoke. From the corner of his eye he saw her step away pushing a tray of tools back into a hovering table. He even caught the shifty glances that passed between Awenha and Shuri. Impatiently Shuri crossed her arms, the sound of her thin orange jacket crinkled into the silence between the three.

“As always, your work is brilliant.” he heard Awenha say. He pushed back a cutting remark. His heart was already racing like he had fought the whole universe and was now standing here trying to pace down. He knew it wouldn’t do much good to pick a fight. Not with her, and not now.

Awenha came into his view and Shuri stepped back. He looked at her warm inviting face. He watched her eyes momentarily gaze critically over the black metal and gold weaving of his new arm. It was a marvel of ingenuity. He did admit that. It was lighter, faster, and felt like an actual arm in its response time.

“I know.” said Shuri from behind her.

The cumbersome sound of stomps shifted his eyes to the floor as Azie ran in. Bucky noted the change in her clothes from an hour ago, her hair in braided pig-tails, a one suit fit for traveling, and a pair of shiny silver shoes. Bucky saw her stop short of hugging him. Like she always had done, his arm was her favorite place lately. He secretly loved that she found solace with him and not with Awenha when she told Azie ‘no’. He didn’t like to see her sad. Her worried thick brows scrunched together as she tilted her head. Brilliant, wide brown eyes stared at his new arm. He watched her large eyes traveled down his shoulder lingering where the skin met metal. Bucky knelt down to Azie’s level as he watched concern grow in her expression.

“Daddy, hurt?” said Azie, her small voice bubbled out loudly. Sadness swept over her delicate features and began to pout. “Hurt.” she said quietly.

Bucky held out his metal hand to her turning it palm up then palm down. “Touch it. There’s nothing to be afraid of baby.” he explained.

Azie’s small hand wavered in the air, Bucky urged her to continue with a smile. He knew his daughter, so sensitive and with a big heart, would start to cry if he didn’t make it seem positive. His attention was focused only on his daughter as Bucky moved his arm like a wave both getting a feel for the mechanics but also making Azie laugh. She ran her chubby hand over the warm metal. She looked up at him with a happy, wondrous smile.

Bucky grinned back, his expression stayed soft when he looked up at Awenha. “What do you think, Winnie?” said Bucky as he turned back to Azie.

“Good!” said the little girl who then reached for Bucky. For a moment he looked startled. She reached for Bucky again and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You won’t hurt her Bucky.” said Awenha, she stood quite still when she spoke up from above them.

No, he wouldn’t. Bucky’s thoughts turned away from whatif’s. He knew himself now. And he closed his metal arm around her legs. He lifted her up into the air when he stood. Azie’s face appeared happy even through a weak small smile and intrigued brown eyes.

_That feeling was back. Call it intuition. But it sat in his gut gnawing at his resolve. He knew now like he should have known before- it had been a warning. He was half reluctant to let himself believe her. Fairy tales were for children and he didn’t have much use for Gods either._

_A soaring prism of light flew in Thor’s path. The smell of ozone and burned Earth filled Bucky’s nose. Steve staggered a few feet ahead of him as Bucky followed the sound of metal breaking through armor into bone and flesh . Determined to the end, beaten and still battle hungry he nodded to Bucky._

_Steve was here. Nothing could get worse if Steve was here._

_Time had never stopped, he realized. The blinding flash of light flooded over his senses in seconds. Thor’s voice struggled to understand. Bucky’s eyes flew between the two of them._

_Did they lose?_

_What was the loss?_

_What has he lost?_

_His eyes shift to Steve, confusion plagued his face as it did within Bucky. His eyes returned back to the pair only to see the other vanish into blackness. In the distance, through the hazy smoke of war he could see Birnin Zana. Azie, his mind goes straight to her. The sweet little girl with a dimple in her chin, looked at him with her mother’s eyes. The image doesn’t last though, he takes a step and then another toward his best friend. He can feel something strange within. A pulling toward, no a dragging of his body, making him feel he had no boundaries._

“Soaking up the sun I see. Must be nice -sippin’ on fruity drinks and enjoying the weather. But it’s good to see some color on you, snowflake.” said Natasha.

“Couldn’t have been all fun and games.” said Steve as he moved in closer. He looked relaxed enough as he ran a rough hand over his chin.

“No..I have a little girl. She’s a spit-fire.” said Bucky.

“A daughter? What? Wow, out of the freezer and into the oven, aye Barnes.” said Natasha. Bucky looked back at her to catch the prying stare in her eyes. “Are you blushing?” she asked.

“Winnie.” Bucky replied as he cleared his throat.

Her features soften. “That’s precious.” said Natasha, a curious smile spread across her lips.

Steve bumped his fist into Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky looked back at Steve. Nervously his eyes shifted to Natasha then back to Bucky. “Are-you with the mother?” asked Steve.

“Ya. Her name is Awenha.” said Bucky.

“The JTC?” asked Natasha. Bucky turned to Natasha, a subtle hint of unpleasantness lingered in her eyes as she then glanced at Steve whose confusion was palpable.

“Interesting.” said Natasha, who shifted her eyes back to Bucky with a shrug. “Beginnings aren’t as important as the middle and end.” she declared.

Steve didn’t move, he stared at the ground his thick brows pulled together and his lips were nothing more than a slit. Ripples of heat rolled over Bucky’s skin. It was his turn to shift uncomfortably in the few seconds of silence.

“Let’s go load up.” ordered Steve. He looked to his right as the floating military vehicle approached and said no more about it.

_He can feel Awenha. This too felt familiar. The brilliant rush of color from the dream-world had shown him. It was her. Warm and steady like a heart beat in his mind. It was like she had always been there if he had only paid attention._

_His legs felt weightless. What an odd feeling it has. Whatever this was if felt unnatural. A wasting of the inside and it spread._

_“Winnie…”he whispered, Bucky’s eyes rose to the distant city again._

_His thoughts tumbled in quick secession from the moment the battle started to the last hug he received from Azie. He squeezed his eyes shut. His little girl had hugged him so tight. He could still remember the smell of her hair. And how he held her head close to him, he could even feel the texture of her pig-tails with his new hand._

_Whatever this was his heart beat faster. Was this death? It didn’t hurt if that’s what was happening. Bucky felt no more than the wasting of his senses, a fading. And his footsteps fell softer toward Steve. He couldn’t feel the pressure of his fingers in his metal head. It was a curious feeling. Breaking apart. Bucky’s eyes wandered back to the sensation. Dust, tiny fragments at first gave way to large pieces of his hand. They flew away in the wind, ash the color of sand rock caught the breeze and blew. What is this? Bucky’s thoughts came slow and he couldn’t think beyond the moment. His mind is going too._

_“Steve?” said Bucky, his voice was as light as the ash that followed his body to the ground._

She held Azie close. The little girl clung to her neck and shoulders. Awenha charged through the crowds at the pavilion. Giving little attention to the moans and screams she passed, Awenha followed the group, the Avengers. They were rushing away too. She tried to get their attention but a feeble strangled attempt at a ‘hey’ tumbled from her mouth. Hideous whimpers continued to feed the worry in her heart and began to shape the reality in her mind. Studious brown eyes scanned over the group. Steve, Natasha, and Bruce were there along with a walking raccoon in stride with Thor.

She had made her way to a clearing between groups of grieving people. Holding Azie with the other arm she tried to wave in their direction. “Wait!” said Awenha, but it came out as little more than a whisper.

One last few feet to them, she steadily strode behind Steve and Natasha. “Where is he?” she announced, though it came out of her mouth calmly it more so had to do with her nerves than how she felt. Steve halted, as did Natasha and they turned to her. Awenha looked at Natasha, within a few seconds recognition settled in the Avenger’s expression. Dirt and blue was smudged up one side of her face as she approached.

“Where is he?” Awenha yelled. Startled by the sound of her own voice Awenha felt her heart triple in beats as she watched the two of them. Azie sat up from her mother’s shoulder and looked at Natasha.

Steve met Awenha’s eyes. He shook his head slightly. His motions were nearly imperceptible as he spoke “I’m sorry.” said Steve.

Awenha moved passed Natasha to Steve and every step the heart in her chest raced and felt her breath rattle in her throat. He looked down at her. Eyes the color of dark water looked over to Azie then back at Awenha. Disbelief seemed to hover over his brows.

“Bucky? He’s not with you.” she whispered breathlessly to Steve. She moved to the side for a moment to look into the quinjet, then looked passed Natasha and returned to Steve. She rubbed Azie’s back with a shaky hand. “He’s not with any of you...” she said. But her voice was broken with pitches of emotion.

“You’re Awenha.” he responded.

“Where is he?” she begged quietly. Her heart that was beating wildly began to thud. It felt slow in her chest and it urged on the coming sob in her throat.

“Steve?” said Awenha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End???
> 
> Thank you VERY much for reading along. This was my first crack at a long fic. And wow, I never expected any one to read it, let alone like it. Let me know your thoughts. Or if you're not comfortable shoot me a kudos. I appreciate the time you've spent with me! There's a Part 2!! Head over to my list check it out! ;)  
> MUAH!


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